If a Christian is unable to forgive past abusers, are they really saved and born again?

Question

Do you believe God allows a Christian to forgive instantly, or is it a process?

This would be a Christian who finds it difficult to forgive abusers, but really wants to forgive. Not one who "refuses" to forgive.

Yes I know that we must forgive, just as God forgives us. But I'm asking, if a Christian is having problems in this area, does it mean they are really not saved? Or can someone be born again and still struggling in this area, or forgiving slowly as time goes on?

Answer 1

Forgiveness is a process that can take years or even the rest of a person's life, depending on the nature of the abuse. It's not a one-time, over and done with event, but a healing journey that sometimes requires you to go back over ground that you've already covered.

Christians are no exception to that rule, as far as I can tell from my own experience. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused as a child. There are still times when a memory surfaces and I have to forgive my abuser again, even all these years later.

Christ forgave those who were crucifying Him, so we know that forgiveness is not optional. But it can be a long and difficult road, even for those who are strong in their faith. I've been a Christian for over 40 years now, and even though I'm willing to forgive because I know that's what Jesus wants, I still struggle with the issue from time to time.

Answer 2

While we are all called to follow the example of Christ, we humans do have difficulties implementing all that He accomplished.

God understands this, and that is why He offered us His Grace.

Now, keep in mind, a true Christian really should try to learn about forgiveness, and should try to implement this ideal, even when it comes to people who have committed evil against that Christian. Forgiveness is most often a process, but once you "get it" and it becomes part of your way of life it is almost instant. We have to deal with our inner feelings of hurt and anger, and find appropriate outlets for them before we are ready to consider forgiveness.

Christians also have the power to pray for help. Perhaps that Christian can learn something from the struggle, and when they achieve victory will praise God. Now there is a double win. They reached a point where they were able to forgive seemingly unforgivable acts, and God got the praise.

Answer 3

Yes of course!
It is a process to forgive, especially when it is deep.
It is how the Soul works that makes it so hard to forgive sometimes.
Yes, some things can be forgiven Instantly, by yourself, some things instantly with GOD's Help (using Faith) and some things take time, sometimes Years--but if you have been Born-Again (spirit recreated) your still Born-Again if you don't forgive. It takes the Unpardonable Sin to mess up your spirit again and LOSE your Salvation--not forgiving, is NOT the Unpardonable Sin.
Hope this helps.

Answer 4

One must keep in mind, that, where there is no regret or repentance, HOW can another show forgiveness!
1Corinthians 5:13
The healing and forgiving process may be much easier when the offender acknowledges his wrong and repents.

Consider an example. King David felt intensely hurt when his general, Joab, murdered Abner and Amasa, “two men more righteous and better than Joab was.” (1 Kings 2:32) David expressed his outrage orally and undoubtedly to God in prayer. In time, though, the sheer intensity of David’s feelings likely subsided. He was not dominated by outrage to the end of his days. David even continued to work with Joab, but he did not simply forgive this UNREPENTANT killer. David saw to it that justice was done in the end.—2 Samuel 3:28-39; 1 Kings 2:5, 6.

Answer 5

"Do you believe God allows a Christian to forgive instantly, or is it a process?"

Sometimes it's one, sometimes it's the other, sometimes it's both.

"If a Christian is unable to forgive past abusers, are they really saved and born again?"

If one cannot forgive, on what basis should that person expect to be forgiven?

Answer 6

Just because someone has been "saved" does not mean he or she is perfect and able to forgive on demand. Sadly we are all still humans. Life is a process for anyone no matter where they stand with God.

Answer 7

My mother is religious, my father is not. I was not raised overly religious but when I was a kid my sisters and I went to church with my Mom. Although we never talk about it now, looking back it's easy to see the churches we frequented were selected more for the people/environment than faith. I am an atheist but I have no regrets regarding my experience with religion. I was young but even then I knew something didn't feel right and I took everything with a grain of salt. In fact I find I'm better able to understand religion now because of that exposure. But there is one memory that sticks out when looking back and that is my first guitar teacher. He was not from any of the churches I ever attended; he had an evangelical temperament. The way in which he spoke to me about religion was out of line. The graphic and extremist views he subjected me to were not appropriate for my age. As a result of seeing this myself, I have issues with the way religion is so often forced upon children. Being 'born-again' so young is nothing more than indoctrination.

Answer 8

no question about salvation, you are saved. but you have to work on your salavation (phils. 2:12) and yes it is a process.

forgiveness first and foremost should be a decision from your heart and mind. if you are firm with this decision, your feelings will follow and be aligned soon enough. though it will not be overnight change but what is important no matter how bad you feel about the person, you can decide not to pay attention and ignore it because in your mind and heart you have decided to forgive (that itself is a test of your faith in God). God will give you the grace to overcome your emotions if you ask Him even from time to time. quote verses, dont succumb to your negative feelings, fight the good fight of faith. and see how you will be totally delivered and be freed from that bondage. if the Son of God sets you free you are free indeed! :)

Answer 9

You should forgive them; but i think you have. You don't have to be all warm and fuzzy about them. if you obey the commandments, you ARE blessing your enemies.

The fact that you haven't killed them or beat them up leads me to believe that you have forgiven them. Hold no grudge towards them, God will take care of them in His good time.

I also doubt they've ever given you a real chance at forgiving them...confessing their sin to authority (police, parents, supervisor etc), trying to make amends..etc

Relax a little...this will come with time if you really want it and pray for it, Lord willing. keep fighting the good fight.

Rom 7:23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Rom 7:24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

Answer 10

No- forgiveness is a must. God says if you don't forgive men their trespasses neither will I forgive yours. Another place "the same measure you judge will be measured unto you." If you want your prayers answered you can't be in rebellion. Very serious to make your opinions higher than Gods commandments.