Is Having a Destination Wedding Rude?

Question

I would love to have a destination wedding; however, I have a huge family. I have lots of aunts, uncles and cousins. I am very close to them and I must have them at my wedding; both ceremony and reception. They don't have a lot of extra money and taking a vacation can be done for them, but could also be a stress. Is it rude to have a destination wedding knowing that my closet friends and family maybe put in a tight spot for money. My boyfriend and I can't really afford to foot the bill for everyone.

Also, I do not want to have a second reception when I return home. That will just be extra money, so that's out of the question.

So, is it rude to have this type of wedding?

Answer 1

My husband and I orginally were doing a destination.

First it was the coast line: His family complained it was too far, so we looked for coast line abit closer to home than more up north (We live in California). and a few hated the water once we did find a few places close to home............

So, after going through a few options and always getting shot down by his family (The few that I have in mine, wanted to go), we got fed up and eloped in Vegas when we went for his birthday/going away to Iraq visit (first time he has been to Vegas too).

But, before then, we went to Maui in December and feel in love with the place. We decided on Maui, since December. Come Feb, his family was saying they can't due to expense. So, as depressed as he was, he said forget them.

Once we got back from Vegas and told them (keep in mind, Vegas was 3 more hours more to the ocean), threw a major fit about us not inviting. To the point they didn't call him on his birthday and when he left for Iraq....

So, sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't please everyone and you shouldn't have to.

This is a day for you and him to unit to one another. No one should tell you, that you have to have a wedding in "your home town" just because other's can't make it.

Shouldn't have to settle for less just because other's don't want to put forth the effort.

If you let them know in a year in advance, as My husband and I did, let them know a year and half advance before we just said forget it and eloped, but still going to Hawaii for one year anniv renewl (which they are complaing about now as before...). (Reason why we got fed up is because they can afford the smokes, drinks and drugs, they can afford the ticket/pay for the hotel suite, which is extremly cheap rate we are getting compared if they went on their own normally). Everything else, my husband and I are paying for (luau, lei's, snorkling, whale watching, messages, 4x4'n...etc.)

Give the family at least a year to plan, save and make time in schedule. Find group and cheap rates and if air travel, have them pay that extra insurance fee incase an emergancy came up and they have to cancel.

We are also going to have a reception when we get home, but all depends who will come or not.

Answer 2

People want destination weddings for beautiful scenery, STRESS FREE WEDDING PLANNING and also is SO MUCH LESS EXPENSIVE THAN A TRADITIONAL WEDDING. Also people like to have ONLY close friends/family there. Those are the pros of having that type of wedding. The only cons to destination weddings are not knowing the area well enough, not knowing what the hotel/resort looks like beforehand unless you visit it to scope things out, and the major con is not having all of your family members there.

If its an ABSOLUTE MUST for you to have your family there then you should have a tradtional type of wedding. Maybe you should enlist some people to help you plan your wedding such as family members or friends who have already been married because they will know better than anyone how planning weddings can be.

BTW I dont think having a destination wedding is rude.

If you dont want a second reception then why not send a video of the wedding to everyone that couldnt make it?

Or you could have a big bbq at your house and invite family and friends over so it wont really be a like a reception and show your wedding video.

Also maybe you should try talking to a travel agent to see if they can get you some really good bargains or discounts this can be done.

Answer 3

Do your aunts, uncles and cousins HAVE to be at your wedding because YOU want them there, or do they HAVE to be at your wedding because someone else says they have to be there. If you're the one who wants them there, and you already know that having a destination wedding will pose an undue hardship on them, then I would say that is not being very thoughtful--I wouldn't go so far as to say its rude though.

However, if you want the destination wedding, and don't mind having a smaller group attend the wedding, and having a smaller wedding, then by all means, have the destination wedding. You don't have to have a 2nd reception when you get home, you can have an open house at your parents home or something. Just a backyard bbq get together type of thing, where everyone who loves you can celebrate with you.

Have the wedding that YOU want. Decide what is important to you, and plan accordingly.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Answer 4

If you really have your heart set on both things, a destination wedding and all your family being there, then make it VERY clear that their attendance would be their gift to you. And you still should understand that people still may not come. Lots of lead time is also important-if they know what the plan is they can have the maximum time to save up for the trip. I think if you expect everyone to come to a destination wedding and will be upset if they don't, and refuse to have a second party after you're back, then it's a little rude.

Answer 5

Not necessarily rude, but by having a destination wedding, you are pretty much guaranteeing that a great number of family and friends will not see you get married. If you are OK with not having the people you love around you for your wedding, then go for it. If you will be distressed and upset over every person who declines your invitation, then you may want to rethink. I notice many brides think it's a great idea to have a destination wedding, but then get upset when their friends/relatives choose not to use their vacation days/money to travel to the wedding. As someone else said, it really is a matter of priorities. It might not be worth it in the long run to forsake having family and friends with you on this most special day just for some pretty "destination wedding" pictures. Maybe get married locally and have a fabulous destination honeymoon?

Answer 6

Some people do think it's rude, but I'm not among that crowd. From Tennessee to Florida, they could drive if they wanted to! I've stayed at hotels many times to attend weddings-it's not that big of a deal, IMO. With so many people living scattered all over the country, you're nearly always going to have people who need to travel to a wedding, and for any of THEM, it's still a destination wedding, even in the bride's hometown. I think people hear the phrase destination wedding, and they think it's some big deal. We had one, and knowing what I know now, I would not change 1 single thing. Many of us live in PA, and the wedding was in St Thomas. Even if it were held in our hometown, we still would have had people flying in from upstate New York, Florida, Arizona, Tennessee, Georgia, more, and all thety would have gotten out of it was a 1 day affair and stay in some random hotel room. With our wedding, they got a long weekend in a beautiful location, with our wedding being just 1 part of the overall experience. We gave everyone a year's notice, and those we considered musts (like our parents, siblings) we paid their hotel and airfare (12 people). There were 33 of us there. A more relaxed and lovely wedding I cannot imagine. Do what you want-the grumbles will settle as people accept that this is the plan, and that it is not open for negotiation. My MIL is afraid of flying (terrorism), but she did accept our plans after much grumbling, and you know what-I think she had more fun than anyone else in the place! She was crying when she had to leave!

Answer 7

If you absolutely must have your family at the ceremony and reception then you cannot have a destination wedding. Even if you invited everyone, plenty of them would not come because they could not afford it. If you want everyone there, you'll have to plan according to your family.
If you want your wedding to be the way YOU want it to be, then you'll have to make some sacrifices. There are destination packages that broadcast live over the Internet, for example, so that your entire family would be seeing your ceremony as it happened, and for free. Then you could have the reception when you return.
This decision is up to you. You'll have to prioritize and figure out what is most important to you. Good luck.

Answer 8

It's not rude, but pretty selfish. Just have the wedding locally and plan a stress-free honeymoon. You can create a honeymoon registry which will give guests a chance to contribute to the trip or your wallet! You will be more stressed out knowing that you hurt a lot of "pockets" and feelings by having a destination wedding.
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Answer 9

i had exactly the same problem and what weve decided to do is,
we are paying for the wedding anyway(unless parents decide to donate something) and have decided to rent a villa for everyone (family of 12-15)to stay in for one week - inviting only close must be there family,other family and friends think its too far - then they only have to pay for their flights and are getting a family holiday into the bargain , meaning they are more likely to try to get the flight money and be there for the wedding and can also afford to stay and celebrate.we are planning to have our wedding on the beach in florida and trying to make it all as cheap as poss, as we have a small budget, we will do our own reception at the villa in the evening. i think it will work well this way. we are also considering to have a party at a family memebers home or a meal on our return to be polite for the people who couldnt make it and that should be fairly cheap.

Answer 10

As with everything to do with a wedding, it's totally up to the couple, since you are paying for the wedding yourselves. Your choice.
However, I know I just couldn't have done it! It was cute to think of eloping a few times, but sure wouldn't have. It was too important for us to have family and close friends witness the wedding ceremony, then celebrate with us at the reception. You only get that chance once (for us anyway), so we went the traditional route and it was wonderful.
But, whatever floats your boat.