What should be done about my brother?

Question

He is seventeen and still in high school (he's a junior). He has a job, but it doesn't pay very well (he certainly couldn't support himself).

He has been getting into trouble, and we really don't know what to do with him anymore. He is lying, drinking, smoking, and sneaking out in the middle of the night to hang out with his friends (one time this was in a stolen vehicle), doing drugs, skipping school, breaking into and vandalizing people's houses, running from the police, and having sex. Any suggestions? We're at a loss. (No, I'm not making any of this up.)

Answer 1

I've known a few young men who sound just like your brother. They all straightened out after they had to make life on their own. It took many years for some, and happened very quickly for others. When they have to decide between food and booze they grow up a little. When they find that sex can lead to STD's and babies, they grow up a lot. But they have to do the growing up. You can't do it for them. Your chance to affect his behavior is long gone. He didn't learn responsibility and consequences when he was younger so he has to learn it now and you need to let him.
It would be very difficult to set him out on his own when he is still in school, but he isn't going to finish it now, is he? He isn't going to make any changes to his life if he has no bad side to deal with, and he has food, housing, warmth, loving family, money enough for his vices and someone to post his bail.
Why should he change?????

Answer 2

First off try to think about what has triggered this. In most cases there is reason behind the madness. Think very hard about it. There is a possibility that he has been abused or traumatized in some fashion. I know that you probably dont want to hear that but there is a chance of that. Sit down and ask him whats going on AFTER youve thought about a possibility or 2. Ask him why HE thinks hes acting the way he is, if he isn;t coopertive prompt him what you have thought of. See where the converstation leads, it might help you get to a solution whether its counciling or something else. IF hes just not up for the talk then say ok i tried to help you the nice way now im helping th nit so nice way and suggest the rehab or boot camp or some other scared straight program. Tell him there he has no say so because you are doing this for his own good. DO NOT FORGET TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM. He may think your full of it at the surface but one day he will be ok and wil know you were a pain cauyse you cared. Try your hardest NOT to yell and scream and get caught up in HIS drama, your an adult so stay calm and collected some one needs to stay sane and it certainly isn;t gonna be him. A little tough love can go a LONG way.

Oh yea when you figure out why if you do..thats NOT an exuse its just a reasoning behind it and it may be able to guide you in a better direction on how to deal with the situation rather then going in unknowing what the actual problem is.

If you go to the scared straight program any of them when he comes home make sure things change...make sure there are more rules and structures and more boundries and consequenses.

Answer 3

Wow, sounds exactly like my nine year old. No, I am not kidding. Minus the sex, drugs, job, and the stolen vehicle.
I am at a loss as to what to do with him, so I will tell you what I am currently doing with my nine year old.
He goes only to school, no extracurricular activities. I keep him with me as much as possible so I can watch him. If we go somewhere, I pat him down before we leave to insure he hasn't tried to steal anything. He sees a psychologist once a week, and we are looking into a mental health facility for him (on a temporary basis only, mind you as there is nothing "mentally" wrong with him).
So far, this seems to be working, but I do not know for how long.
Good luck. All I can really say is do the best you can. Be there for him, and be sure you let him know you love him, no matter what. You can love him and not love what he is doing.

Answer 4

Sounds like he needs a wake-up call. It's sad that most people don't know they are putting themselves at risk until it's too late.

Hopefully this is just a phase. Most likely he is hanging out with a bad crowd. Any way your parents can send him to live with another relative for a while, who can "straighten him out"? How about joining the Marines?

Answer 5

it sounds like your brother is having a tough time. has there been any recent changes,troubles in the family that would cause him to react like this? think about the past few months,girlfriend break up with him.not enough attention. he sounds like he is asking for attention doing things too cause attention,unfortuantly its a bad way. it's pretty much a cry for help.

try talking to him,if that doesn't work maybe considre taking him to a therapist yes their expensive but worth it.

good luck. god bless.

Answer 6

Im sorry to say this but you need to tell your parents, get together with a conserler and send him to a milartary school . Good luck.

Answer 7

Military School, Shrink or Smack him in the head - HARD

Answer 8

mom and dad need to send him to military school. he will learn discipline and respect for himself and others.

Answer 9

kick his ***