I am taking care of a 14 year old girl that is in the hospital because of her parents abusing her. Right now I am like her mother(I'm in my 40's, I know her from family). For the past few days after she told CPS and a social worker about the abuse she has been REALLY clinging to me. I spend time with her 24/7, it's even hard for me to leave her for 5 seconds to go to the bathroom!!! Right now I'm sitting in her hospital bed with her, holding her hand while she sleeps and I get some work done from my computer. If I let go of her hand she will wake up immediatly and start crying and ask me if I'm leaving her. I would never do that to her and I lover her very much. I keep telling her that, I'm not sure of she belives me though. Is this noraml for her to be clinging to me so much? Also right now I sleep in her bed with her because she is scared because she gets bad dreams about her parents. But eventually I will end up adopting her and when she gets into a home I don't want this to be a...
2007-04-24 11:01:38 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
habit. She WILL need to sleep by her self eventually. Right now I'm ok with it because its the only way she will sleep and she really needs to sleep but later on I can't always have her sleeping with me. Also I have talked to her a little about me taking care of her after she is out of the hospital but I'm not sure if she relizes that she will actully get to have one home (with me) and she won't be going back to her parents because they are going to be locked up. She says se dosn't want to go back to them but she says she also misses them because they were her parents I undertsand that but how do I tell her that I will be tking care of her and eveything will be ok without having some sort of HUGE reaction. Like without the crying for days because she misses her parents but happy she is going to have a home.
2007-04-24 11:02:17 · update #1
she is going to start to get profesinal help with me and her and then with just her and maybe later on I'll get some too, just me so I understand things about what she has been through better.
2007-04-24 11:03:11 · update #2
and sometimes she will just start crying for no reason or a reason I just don't understand and I don't know how to calm her down I feel so helpless.
2007-04-24 11:03:50 · update #3
This poor child! You are doing something really important for her right now by being there. I know you have all these concerns about the future and they are valid, but right now just give her all the love and security you can. Be available 24/7 if poss right now. Children who are abused by their parents probably wont have had that availability of a main carer or unconditional love at the all important young age. That is probably why she is reverting to infant like attachment behaviour. Read up on that and you may find she fits the insecure attachment type. At least then you can understand her behaviour is not within her control right now and learn how you can best help her.
I would say that right now is not the time to try to push her away/be less clingy. It will take a long time for her to really believe you will not abandon her.
In terms of never seeing her parents again, yes this is tough. Abused children can have an affinity with their abusers, especially when it is a parent who abused. She may well be concerned for their safety and long to see them. This can be confusing for you and her, but just don't judge or condem her words. Let her express herself and just be there, like you are with a comforting hand and listening ear.
I wish you both all the best
2007-04-24 11:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First my heart goes out to such a great person like yourself, second child abuse is hard, she thinks that no matter what you or anyone else tells her right now that you are lying, shes used to that, see will have to SEE IT with her own eyes,she
will want that indepence that you need her to have. the clinging is that you are her only hope someone that has been there to pick up the pieces and you are her life line, if she loses you, she loses. I know with time she and yourself will heal and learn like some us us the the receiving end to move on with your lives. Good luck to you and her.
2007-04-24 11:11:51 · answer #2 · answered by eeyore6838 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You must realize you are in for A BUMPY RIDE...to say the least! You must be a very kind person....
This girl is obviously VERY traumatized and deeply hurt...It is impossible to know the extent of the damage right now. But from what you describe it looks as if she has gone through hell...! Poor child!
You need to understand that this is going to take a LOOOONG time and that it won't be easy. You have to start going to a therapist or counselor yourself, so you can prepare yourself on how to deal with her.
Only trained professionals can help you out here...and God, of course. Ask Him to guide you and help you help this girl.
Medicine and men can help, of course, but the One who can truly help this girl to heal is God.
You will both be in my prayers. God bless you!
2007-04-24 11:15:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She really is going to be clingy because your the first person to have helped her. In her heart she is going to love her parents some days and hate her parents other. She will definitely go to counseling. in my Mind is what she needs to get by. You should give her a sentimental thing of yours so she can go to sleep in her own bed.It will bring her comfort, she can also sleep with a night light too. I would like to thank you for taking her in .. People like you make the world go round it may sound cheesy but its true. Thanks and good luck!!! I've been in a sexual molestation situation . I went to counseling and it really helped out it took time but now im really happy with my husband and 3 beutiful kids
2007-04-24 12:12:33 · answer #4 · answered by lovingu1129 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of this is normal. I was not abused as a child, I was however abused by my exhusband. Severly in fact, at one point he put me in the hospital for 2 weeks in a coma. I tried to leave him repeatedly and I called the police repeatedly but he always got out and came back after me. It was it until I met my current husband that my ex started to leave me alone. I met my current usband one of the times my ex was in prison and we got very close, and I hated trusting him. I was scared to death and yet I clung to him for dear life. I moved in with him and my nightmares all came back. It was not his fault he had always been very gentle and very caring and kind and sweet but lying in bed with him apparently brought it all back up that in combination with knowing my ex would soon be getting out of prison and I knew that he would come after me again. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying hysterically and he always held me and told me it was ok and that he was here and he would never let anything like that happen to me again. It was almost a year before the nightmares subsided. I went to therapy and I was still scared and more than the therapy helped it was is love and support and assurance that he would always be there that got me through it all. My ex did come after me again and my current husband rather roughly put him in his place and he never layed a hand on me again. There were things like my car windows getting broke out and tires getting slashed and house getting egged that happened for awhile and we are certain that it was him but eventually that stopped even. You will have to reassure her probably a million times before she finally starts to feel secure ut she will with time and love. Just hold her and let her cry and keep telling her your here ad they will ever be able to hurt you again. She will need the therapy as well but with your love and support she will e ok it just takes times. The physical wounds always heal faster than the mental ones. You are such a good person to help this poor girl out and giver her a safe home. Let her sleep with you for awhile then in a few weeks have her start sleeping alone. You can lay with her until se goes to sleep and then go to your room. Leave a light on for her and give her something for security. If she has a bad dream let her know she can wake you up any time and the 2 of you can sit and have a cup of tea and talk about the nightmare and once she is calmed down again she can go back to sleep. This is what worked for me anyway, granted ot all people are not the same by any means. Good luck to you!!! I hope this sweet girl is okay. She will also miss her parents after all they were her parents but she needs you right now and your love will be what she clings to until the pain subsides. Bless you both and I wish there were more people like you in the world!
2007-04-24 11:52:32 · answer #5 · answered by Blueyedshewolf 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that used to be baby forget and likewise baby abuse. The youngsters might get warmth stroke from being locked within the auto and the loud tune might harm their eardrums and reason viable listening to disorders sooner or later. If you are the mummy doing this, disgrace on you and also you deserve to visit prison. If you are no longer, however you already know a mom who is locking her youngsters within the auto with stereo became up, name the police so she will get arrested.
2016-09-05 22:45:34 · answer #6 · answered by alisha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has gone through a traumatic event in her life. Emotionally and mentally she is a wreck. She needs you right now to be strong and to be by her side until she can cope with everything that has happened to her. I've never been abused, but Its most likely normal for her to cling to you like she has been. She sees you like a protective figure in her life. She will eventually learn to sleep by herself once she comes to terms. Counselling might help her.
2007-04-24 11:11:14 · answer #7 · answered by Kagome 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i mean i have never experienced child abuse but i think it's normal i mean I've seen movies about abuse stuff like this and in the movie the child is a little scared that her parents will come back and get them i think that someway somehow u need 2 make it clear that u love her and no matter where u r u will never let anything happen 2 her
2007-04-24 11:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by goodies make the boys jump on it 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is acting just the way she should she has to heal and deal and its ok to love her parents but keep it in a safe place and all i have 4 kids alot younger then her when they came to live with me and they acted the same way and are still dealing with it all we can do is love them and hope for the sest hang in get help when you need it
2007-04-24 11:28:59 · answer #9 · answered by helen l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks like you are doing one hell of a job...
What she needs, is lots of love and security. At this present moment patiece and tolerance will help her through. It is going to be a long road ahead for both of you.
For her, to come to terms with herself why she was being abused by her parents. For this it takes a while to heal...
take care
2007-04-24 18:04:06 · answer #10 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋