I'm in love with someone who's not my husband?

Question

Well, I don't know if its love or lust all I know is I think about him everyday. We used to be friends but I ended the friendship because he wanted me to do things I wasn't comfortable with. We met when my husband and I were separated but now we're back together. I don't think my husband really loves me, we never have sex or very infrequently. We tried counseling but he wasn't committed to it. I want my friend back but I'm sure he has moved on. He doesn't want a relationship with me anyway, just sex. I want a real relationship with someone who loves me.

I should add that I was happy with husband and faithful to him for 11 years until he started cheating on me. I don't know if I love him or not anymore.

Answer 1

You want a real relationship with someone who loves you. Then cut out thinking that your daily thoughts about this guy mean anything at all. They mean, 'I'm stewing in my own juice here, wondering what the heck is going on. I don't know what to do. I've reached an emotional stalemate with my husband. I need something to jolt me out of this rut.'
That - and only that - is why you think about this guy every day. It may be lust because you're horny. Deal with that problem by dealing with the person you are married to.
It is not love. You know that this person only wants sex, not love (which may not bother you as much as you would like it to bother you! Right now, with your marriage the way it is!)
You already ended a friendship once with this person.
If you can deal with your marital problems, you will be able to deal with everything else. It's like you think dealing with everything else (this guy and what you think it would be like with him) will help you deal with your marital problems. It won't. It will only hinder progress.

Answer 2

I vote none of the above. Why jump ship and climb back onto another one that is equally as bad? You are attracted to the "friend" because he was giving you the attention you needed and weren't getting from your husband. It sounds like hubby doesn't want, nor care about your needs. I am sorry to hear that, but it sounds like it is too late to fix things. I'd say it sounds like it is time to call it quits with the hubby. If your eyes are already wandering, you no longer have the same feelings for your husband, either. Too much salt in the wound and you have given up as well. You tried, but you need a new beginning. After things are over with the hubby, start persuing people who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Really analyze the people you are with and decide if that person is really right for you rather than choosing someone who was there at the right moment in time. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Sounds like you might still be a bit broken up by your marriage (or lack thereof). Deal with the marriage issues first. Either patch it up, or break it off. Tell your husband that's how you feel, and that you need something to change. Set some time frame for each other, and a goal... if you don't feel like things have improved after that time, maybe it's time to think about divorce.

If your "friend" just wants sex, then avoid him (at least for now). It sounds like you're vulnerable and could easily be taken advantage of. So figure out what's up with your marriage, set that straight. Then, you'll either be happily married or confidently single.

I'd also talk to your counselor by yourself. He or she should also be able to help you work towards something that will make you feel better overall. It might take a while though.

Easier said than done!

Answer 4

Girl, you need to deal with one thing at a time.
First of all, if you don't love your husband why are you with him?
Secondly, why do you want to be with a guy who just wants to use you. It's fine if you have a sexual relationship with no strings attached if you can handle it. Otherwise, stay away.
Third, you're not going to be happy with any guy until you get your life a little more together.

Being with someone should be easier than this.

Answer 5

You really need to find out if your husband still loves you,and if he is still indeed in love with you.As for your friend you know that he only wanted sex from you so stop wasting all your time&energy on a guy that doesn't want a relationship with you.And put all that time and energy towards saving what you have left in your marriage.

Answer 6

1. Forget about this other guy. If he wasn't willing to wait for you, it won't work.
2. If you are sure your husband is NOT committed to making your marriage work, then get out.
3. Go on with your life. You will find someone new who is right for you.

Answer 7

You know that it is just Lust. Remember those days when you were so hot and got all that attention. Work on turning your Husband on! Find the love you once had.

Answer 8

is divorce an option? if you're so unsatisfied with your husband and you don't think he's happy with you, you need counselling or a lawyer... as long as you're married, you're morally and legally committed to your husband; a real relationship with someone who loves you is hard to achieve if you also have to deal with guilt, secrecy, etc.

Answer 9

u and ur husband should sit down and chat
if things don't work out
u two should get a divorce
then you can meet anyone, and start a new relationship
=) good luck

Answer 10

divorce your husband because you don't want be with a person that you are not happy with and not inlove with and you've cheated on him on top of that you don't want to continue to lie to him.If your friend don't want to have relationship with you look for a new man who you will love and be faithful to.