Family Problems- Choosing Parents?

Question

My mom and dad have been split up since..well, as long as i can remember. Lately, I've been flying off the handle VERY easy (think about that when you respond) and the last time my dad and my step mom argued, I freaked. Now, again, I need to choose between my mom and my dad.

I've worked out the pros and cons of both families.
Dads-pros
-Get to stay at the school i'm at.
-I can continue working at Timmies
-stay with friends, and I'm in the city, so i wouldn't be bored.
CONS
-Arguing..and with the new baby on the way, stress is developing.
MOMS-pros
-No arguements
-I'd get to see my old friends
-my cat could come out as well :)
CONS
-In the country, and it's really boring out there.
-My relationship between me and my mom and step dad etc is not as it should be.
-I'd have to stop working.
-New school. Switching in the middle of grade 9 is a mess...

I've talked to my parents, my friends, even my English teacher.... I really dont know what i should do....Any help??

yes, persons i do need to choose because they think a 14 year old girl is capable of recognising what she wants. Unfortunately, either home is horrific.

And yes, i do need to work..it's my stress relief...i know amazing eh?

And i can't just move back and forth, they wont let me. It does hurt when people leave you ya know

Answer 1

If you really enjoy all other aspects of living at your dad's home, besides the arguing then sit down with you dad and step-mom and let them know that it's really affecting you. They shouldn't be fighting around you all the time nor should they be doing it for the simple fact that she's pregnant and a baby will be brought into the house. Let them know that if things can't change then you will consider moving out. They love you so this will be enough for them to have a reaction and think about their behavior.

Answer 2

There are multiple reasons. If I could find an affordable school that offered a good education, it would be a lot easier for me to send my kids to school! So far, that has not happened. I have lived in 3 different states since having children, and as the years pass I find public AND private school students getting less educated. In the state in which I now reside, there are FEW junior high and high school students that even READ fluently. [There aren't many adults either, just for the record.] There are NO teen ps students that I have met here that have a decent vocabulary - they cannot understand what I would consider a 'normal' person to understand. Now, if they can't read well or understand all the words in an ordinary conversation, how good do you think their writing, math, science, and history skills are? And yet in junior high some of these kids are being told that they are doing high school work. Ha, it could be true, unfortunately. I am just using a normal hs curriculum, but when I last had my kids tested with a standardized achievement test, they were ages 10 and 11. They scored like the average high school senior would have scored if taking the same test. I am not saying I am a masterful teacher or the curriculum was perfect - but obviously what my kids are receiving educationally was waaaay above what the average American child receives.

Answer 3

im having a similar problem, but my parents split up years ago, when i was 6, 7 and again when i was 9 the when i was 11, they've mutually decided now that they will just b friends. the divorce isnt settled, but it will be sure enough. my mom is never home and im at my dads usually (walking distance) i live in upstate NY and it gets boring, but at the malls, things are alot cheaper than in the city, i lived there when they split up at 9. we moved back a year after 9-11 but neways, i think that you should stay with ur dad, and visit ur mom when u feel comfortable being with her. and if things dont work out with one of them, just move to the others house. thats a pro of having 2 dif. houses. you always have a fail safe. and 2 b-day's 2 christmas'(or w/e) 2 houses 2 rooms, 2 sets of friends. 4 some ppl its better to have 2 houses b/c its like a vacation from what you do the rest of the week

Answer 4

I wrote this poem when I was stressed about my family. Mind you this is years since I was a teen having to move and deal with all the family drama but this is how deep it can clutch on to you


Family Secrets

Why can't I let go
Of the pain of the past
Pieces of memories
Continue to last and last
Lots of resentment
For deeds that were done
Almost everyday
I just wanted to run
Dave was no role model
mostly just a jerk
He was gone during the week
That was a definite perk
Because of his job
We moved most years
New house, new area
New people, new fears
I learned not to get attached
It was easier to walk away
Eventually leaving
Was easier than to stay
I always had friends
I don't remember their names
Trying to fit in
Was a bunch of silly games
I hated changing schools
It was always so hard
New teachers and friends
Had to keep up my guard
My family had secrets
We most definity did not share
Secrets I still hold inside
I just don't know what or where

Answer 5

Well, if you stay and try to work things out, you can always go later, right? Working and staying at your school is important. Talk to your dad and see if you all can't try to get along better. Look forward to the new baby and ask to help. Just give it a try for a while. And work on that flying off the handle thing.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

It is a very hard choice and I'm sorry you have to choose at all. It sounds like the relation ship between your Mom and Dad is a serious one. If so go with your Dad be safe. Which ever you choose it would be a good idea to get counseling. I would tell the parent you need to do this for you. Maybe even go to counseling first.I wish you all the luck.

Answer 7

ok. so theres a couple things u can do. first, stay at your dads until the end of the school year. maybe its just a stress thing, with school and all. try spending the summer at your moms, maybe if you stay with her your relationship will improve. its not a guarantee, but its worth a shot. have a heart to heart with each of your parents, see how they feel about you living/not living with them. if your dad and stepmom are not upset about the idea that youre leaving, thats a tipoff. if your mom and stepdad arent excited about the idea of you coming to live with them, thats also a tipoff. also, a baby changes the dynamics of the whole family. you might want to wait and see until the baby is born and see how you feel then. good luck!

Answer 8

I think staying were you are is probabl;y best you would have to move wouldnt have to quit your job or leave your friends on the other hand you would have to deal with the new baby and all that comes with your dads life.

Answer 9

when you talked with your parents, were you honest with your father and step mother about the fact you don't like the arguing and stress in their home? and did you tell them that is why you are uncomfortable there?

i think they need to know how you feel.

if you tell them, perhaps they will take a look at themselves, and work toward improvement.

all the best

Answer 10

YOU DON'T NEED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANYONE.
ALL U NEED TO DO IS BE A KID (TEENAGER) AND
ENJOY LIFE. I KNOW IT IS COMPLICATED AT TIMES
BUT ONLY U CAN TEACH UR SELF HOW TO DEAL
WITH ALL THAT IS GOING ON . DO U REALLY NEED
TO WORK???? WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO SEE UR
OLD FRIENDS?? NO ARGUING WITH UR MOM......
U CAN NOT CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO.... U
JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO DEAL......
I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK..................