Please help!!!?

Question

I am a parent of 3 children. My youngest daughter is starting college next year. My other two children are in college already. My youngest daughter had a lot of troubles in school she didn't have that many friend's, struggled to fit in, and was begging us to move constantly. She suffered through depression but was able to overcome it through her boyfriend and others.

Now it's time for her to go to college and start her life "new" as she calls it. She came up to me yesterday and said "mom I want to throw everything I own out" I said "what?!!" She said "all my clothes mom" "I want all new things!" I was a bit shocked and taken back by this. My daughter has been saving " some " money I'd say about $100.00 she has saved up at the moment. She spends more then she saves I can tell you that much!

I don't think my husband and I can afford "everything new" in her whole wardrobe! It would cost us to much money! We are worried more about her "college" and her "dorm stuff" and computer!

I want to teach her the value of a dollar. While i do think it's great she has begun saving!! (considering she never used to EVER) and I think it's great she has been paying us back money for things she borrowed from my husband and I..i don't want her to be disappointed when she realizes she may need more money then she thinks to buy "everything new"

I don't know what to do!
why is she being like this?
my other children NEVER had this problem and she has some nice expensive clothing! some of which she just bought this year or last year!

She works though. Hard about 22 hours every week. She does save she tries to save anyways. But she needs money borrows money when she can't afford things but always manges to pay me back. A year ago from now that would have never happened. My daughter recently payed me back $300.00 in the course of 2 weeks.

I'm proud of her for that.
I cannot understand why she wants "everything new" though it makes no sense to me

I have 2 other daughters who never felt this way! Is this like a stage? Will she get over it eventually?

Answer 1

It appears your youngest daughter is very insecure and does not feel good about herself and it seems she has very low self-esteem. She's has depression before, and she can have it again. She is frighten to go to college and wants to make a good impression when she does. Maybe she thinks if she get rid of all her old clothes, perhaps she will have more friends and fit in at the college. She is at a vulnerable age, and she really believes this, so try not to shatter her way of thinking.

Perhaps you can persuade her to keep some of the clothing, and buy a few new clothing for her. Maybe you can mention she can have a garage sale and sell some of her used clothing. With the money, she can buy a few new clothing. You need to tell her that you just don't have the money and is struggling to put 3 daughters through college. Since she is working, perhaps she will agree in buying some of the new clothing. There are a lot of designer clothing at the Thrift Stores with some, never been worn. The price is 1/4 or less compare to new clothing from a department store. She may not agree with this but at least you can mention it to her.

I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like she wants to start a new life and by doing all of that, it is a "symbol" to her.

You should sit down and discuss with her why she wants to do this and how she can really do this financially and you, if you are willing to do this.

It is nice to have that "symbol" to do that in life, but I dont' think she really needs to throw out all her old clothes to do this. What about all the other things in her life?

If you both feel it is ok to throw out all her old clothes, do it one at a time, once every two weeks or so, or more. Give the clothes to goodwill and only get the new clothes when she has the money. You can get her clothes when she has a birthday or some special occasion like that. You can get some good "new" clothes at The Goodwill Store too. She can look at yardsales too. That way, she will be saving money and helping other people out by buying their clothes. They don't have to be brand new.

I never went through that phase. I know that it is not possible to have a whole new wardrobe and I would NEVER expect anyone EVER to pay for any of my clothes, let alone my own family. They don't have my taste anyway.

I would let her do it slowly and let her do it with her own money if that is what she wants to do. You do not have to buy her a whole new wardrobe and wait for her to pay her back. It will be fine for her to feel good about doing it herself as this is her idea and for her own benefits.

You can support her by let her talk about how she is feeling and being her mother in other ways.
Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

Though it may be impossible try not to compare her to your other daughters they are each individuals. The best thing to do I believe is to sit down and explain to her all of the things you as parents are willing to pay for, and if she wants everything to be new then she must realize she is the one that is going to have to make it happen b/c you and her dad can't do that after all you have two other daughters to support as well, she may be upset but she'll get over it. Be a parent and stay strong!

Answer 4

She's might just be feeling a bit low about herself at the moment. My confidence is always on ups and downs. When i'm having a bad day i feel like all my clothes look stupid and my hair wont go the way I want or whatever. She might feel like she needs to have a change of style for college. If thats so thats fine but just tell her she can pay for it herself, it sounds like youve done enough for her.

Answer 5

WAY TOO LONG