am i wrong?

Question

i'm a bridesmaid for my friend this year in june and am getting married myself in august, me and my friend have fallen out today.... her hen weekend is in spain, i'm going her hen night is the weekend after spain and i'm going, she needs help paying for the bridesmaid dresses, i'm helping, we have to pay to have our hair done, i'm paying... we have to buy our shoes to wear with the dresses, i got a text from her this morning saying she's found shoes for 50 quid i sent her a text back saying i'm glad u found some but i'm really sorry there's no way i can afford 50 quid for shoes i'm only gonna wear once.... i'm pretty much a bit of a tom boy and the shoes she wants us to wear are pink and sparkly, which is fine i'll wear them it's her day after all but if i have to buy these shoes then i have to work on a budget and 50 quid isn't it.. the thing is she went mad and said it's her day and i've moaned about everything so far.. which i haven't at all... am i being unreasonable????

Answer 1

is she going to be in your wedding, and if so is she paying for all the same things? If she is, then i would say yes, you are being unreasonable because she'd be shelling out money for your wedding. if not, then no you aren't cause she's expecting you to spend a ton of money knowing your wedding is shortly after hers.

Answer 2

It's usually understood that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, hair, and shoes. However, it might have been nice had she given you some idea of how much you'd be expected to spend beforehand. Unfortunately, since it's too late for that, I'd suggest waiting until you've both calmed down and then talk to her. Rather than getting mad at her, try saying something like "I'm so honored to stand up with you on our wedding day, and I want to do everything possible to make it absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, I'm a little tight on money right now, and I'm worried that if I buy those shoes, I won't have enough to help you celebrate your hen weekend in Spain. Is there any way we could get cheaper shoes or just wear shoes we already have?"

Answer 3

I don't think you're being wrong or unreasonable but I think that both you and your friend overlooked a couple of key things. One of the first things people need to do when they're a bridesmaid or a bride is establish price limits. You have to know in advance what your bridesmaids can afford because otherwise you run into situations like this.

The problem you have now is that you already agreed to do this for her. I think maybe the best plan of action would be to pay for the shoes and then try to sell them - I mean you won't be able to make all the money back but there's a possibility that you'll get a good amount.

As for the problem with your friend, I think it's just a communication thing. She's probably very stressed out (I'm sure you are too!) with all of the impending wedding things. Even though it's tough because it sounds like you feel like she's being inconsiderate about your situation - it might be one of those times that you have to be the bigger person.

It would be nice to maybe take some time to sit down with her and apologize for hurting her feelings. Let her know (gently) that she also hurt yours and that you maybe feel like she doesn't care about your feelings. But you both want to work things out and get things back to a good place so I'm sure it will be easy.

Good luck with getting everything back to normal. I hope you are able to sell those shoes so this doesn't turn out to be too expensive!!

Answer 4

I certainly hope that she is returning the favors you are doing for your wedding, my guess is that she isnt though.

I would give her some time to cool off and revisit the conversation later on. Tell her that you have gladly done all these things so far and to your knowledge havent griped one bit over anything, but that you are also planning a wedding at the same time and that you are sure she can understand the finacial burden since she is presently going through it herself. And that you are sorry, the dress, the hair, the hen night are all worth it to you to make her wedding experience something she will always look back on fondly, but the shoes are so expensive, that you just cant get behind that purchase as they will go on your feet, they wont hardly be seen and also that they will probably be so uncomforatble you will probably wond up changing out of them into more comfortable shoes for the recption.

I hope she can see the reason in your argument.

Good luck.

Answer 5

No You Are Not Wrong!! Of course I don't know where you live so I don't know how expensive Spain is but I've never heard of getting both a hen night and a hen w/e. That seems really demanding to me. You either get one or the other--it's called "a last fling" not multiple last flings.

If she is having an expensive w/e, that is not really respectful of your budget crunch. My bachelorette party cost about $15 per person. I have heard in the UK it is customary for brides to pay for the bridesmaids dresses (I live in the US where bridesmaids pay for their own) but already if she has overextended her budget and is having you guys buy your own dresses as well....she needs to respect that you are not made out of cash.

In my opinion 50 quid (thats like $100 right) is outrageous for a pair of shoes!!! I have NEVER spent that much on a pair of shoes and I've gotten many shoes custom dyed to match gowns before. If she wants you to wear pink shoes, then ok--you can search for pink shoes on your own. But really this is unreasonable.

You have your own wedding coming up and you are a grown adult. You have to budget your money and if spending $400 is too much, than it is. My bridesmaids spent $100 on the dress, wore their own shoes, and $15 on the hen night (and I had a really nice wedding) but they were in college. That was how much they could afford and I wanted them to be able to celebrate with me. I have a really close friend who is being most unreasonable (she is a trust fund baby) and wants her bridesmaids to fly to NYC for a long w/e to celebrate her hen weekend. A several of her friends and bridesmaids aren't trust fund kids and simply can't afford to spend that kind of money--money that we need to pay rent and buy groceries--on a limo and room service in NYC. Your friend is already asking you to pay for things that normally a bridesmaid in UK wouldn't--so technically she is the one trying to have a wedding way out of her budget. If a bride wants to mandate who does the hair and makeup, she should pay for that! But to ask you to be bridesmaid and then just start throwing additional unneccessary fees in long after you said yes--is just focusing more on her "perfect wedding day" than on the friendship you share.

I'd sit down and talk with this overly demanding bride. I mean be polite but firm. After all you don't want to ruin a friendship over this--but talk to one of the other bridesmaids and see if they feel the same way. Explain that you can't attend both the hen w/e and the hen night and simply do not have the funds to pay 100 quid for dress and 50 quid for shoes. It would be a lot more understanding of her if she allowed you to buy your own shoes that matched the dress. Explain that you already can't get her much of a gift due to the money you are spending, but you have to think of your own future as well.

Good luck and try to preserve your friendship. After the wedding, brideszillas like that turn back into the friends that they were before the engagement. But you can't declare backrupcy just for her wedding either! It would be unreasonable to keep shelling out quid after quid for her "perfect day". After all, a marriage is more than one day.

Answer 6

an quite unwell mama canine is an quite stressful subject. and that i comprehend your anger at particularly some the solutions which you gained. it incredibly is commonplace so you might want to vent returned to those individuals a number of your anger and frustration. So, attempt to proceed to be calm and shop your concentration on your canine & doggies. do not enable this cloud your actual objective - a healthful canine. And particular, i might want to comprehend this consequence. Kudos to you to your speedy action in looking after 7 doggies! that's not common! I desire that greater human beings might comprehend that there are circumstances that stump even the better of vets. mutually as the calicum concern is the main uncomplicated with those indications, that's not the only reason. And your dedication to this canine and her doggies is quite, very admirable. So, you comprehend which you're responding to this disaster interior the final way conceivable. you're doing all you're able to do in an quite complicated subject. enable God address something. Peace

Answer 7

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If you can't afford the shoes then you just can't. Explain to your friend that it is too costly for you.

It really sounds to me that you have put in enough money for HER day and that she could help you out by buying the ghastly shoes.

Well, of course tell her NICELY!

Answer 8

I don't think you are wrong at all. You can only do what you can do. It's her day, that's true, but that doesn't give her a right to expect you to be a cash machine!

Besides, if the dresses are long, who really sees the shoes??

Answer 9

Yes you are being unreasonable. When someone accepts the invitation to be a bridesmaid, she usually pays for her dress, shoes, accessories, ect. The bride usually only pays for the hair, but in this case, it sounds like she's paying for most of the bridesmaids dresses, so I think she's being pretty fair. You shouldn't have accepted if you couldn't afford it.

Answer 10

no if you cant afford them then you cant afford them, if she wants those shoes on your feet then she should purchase them for you.