Well its like this and may be a bit confusing so bare with me. My mother-in-law used to take our son like every other weekend for the over night. Well I had a baby 2 months ago this friday and she hasn't taken him at all. He is five and starting to ask why she doesn't want him there. She is normaly a very sweet woman, but every weekend we call and ask her and all she does is make excuses. We don't ask her to take the baby, so its not a matter of it being to much for her, just the same as before. I am getting extremely mad over this because my son is starting to feel bad and that makes me offensive. If she doesn't ask this weekend (without us calling her this time) then I am just going to say the he*L with her and not let her take him anymore. I mean by that, if she EVER does ask then just tell her no. Iknow it may sound bad, but my son asks "why doesn't grandma want me there?" and "doesn't she like me anymore?" Its sad and it wrong. He is going to start to think that ever
2007-04-24 06:17:28 · 12 answers · asked by sweetpea <3 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sice the baby has been here that ALL has changed and I don't think its right, it breaks your heart, he is a very good kid, polite, and very independant what do I do and do you think I am wrong? My husband won't confront her about it.
2007-04-24 06:18:45 · update #1
That is sad. I know she should now make the first move, but for the sake of your son, why don't you call her and tell her the questions your little boy has been asking about her. If things don't change, then you are right in not letting her take him again. There is no reason for him to be hurt twice over this. It is sad to say but kids do get over these things. She will be the one to be sorry when he gets used to not being with her and doesn't want to go again.
The same thing happened (more or less) with my brother's in-laws except in reverse. His MIL and FIL never took the two older girls anywhere (there are 18 months apart). They were very nice to them when they saw them but they never made an effort like my mother did. The girls did question it, but they were very happy with my mom and it was OK. When the girls were 6 & 7 my brother had another baby. Boy these in-laws were all over that. When the baby got older they came and took her over to their house, took her for the day, etc. By that time the two older girls just did not care any longer as they weren't close to this set of grandparents. My SIL was tempted not to let them take the little one, but she enjoyed it so much, they went ahead and let the grandparents have her. The two older girls are teens now and really could care less about seeing their other grandmother (who has since moved away). It is a loss to them, but it is a bigger loss to her.
Good luck with this, I know it is a tough one.
(I can't get spell check to work on this, but you will get the idea anyway).
2007-04-24 07:07:35 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that your husband can talk to his mother about, if he wont then maybe you should. She may open up and explain why she has withdrawn, if that is even what she is doing. What does your husband say. I understand that you may need help with your son, but don't you think it would really hurt him if you don't let him go at all just because you don't understand why she isn't taking him ever other weekend. I am a grandmother and love my grandchildren very much. After the first grandchild,it was harder to take them all at the same time. Tell your son that his grandmother still loves him, don't hurt him by taking that from him too. I know that my sons would be angry and would put their foot down if their wife's thought they could just stop me seeing my grandchildren just because I didn't take them every other weekend. Sounds like communication seems to be the problem here. Please talk to her or have your husband talk to her before lots of people start getting hurt. Good luck and I hope the best for you.
2007-04-24 13:35:40 · answer #2 · answered by stormey_84074 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think confront her is the right word to use. That word to me shows hostility and anger, which I understand that is how you feel, but you don't want to make things worse than they already are. I would definitely talk to her about it, as grown women, don't show your anger. Just politely ask her if there is something going on that has prevented her from getting your son. Explain to her that he is wondering why she doesn't want him anymore and you cannot explain it to him without her input. There may be something going on with her that she hasn't let you know about. Give her the chance to explain, if she cannot give you any reasoning, then just try to explain something to your son, but whatever you do, do not talk bad about her to him. Trust me, she has her reasoning, she just may not be able to tell you. It is her lose at this point, and one day she will realize that. Just try to explain to him that it is not his fault, he didn't do anything, Grandma just has something else going on right now and cannot get him. You would not be lying to your child, and it would not hurt any feelings. She will come around, don't push her away compeletly. Do you all have weekends together? All of you? Spend time with her as well, pack up the family and go visit her.
Mother of 3....with 2 ex mother-in-laws(neither are in my children's lives by their choice....I wish they were)
2007-04-24 13:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have your son call and ask him grandma if he can come over and play for a little while, and not spend the night. It may be harder for her to say no to him and then she will know it is him that wants to come over and not that you too want him to go.
Maybe something happened or was said that upset her, you should ask her if something is wrong or have your husband ask her. She may be going through something and not know how to tell you guys. It is not hard to ask her whats going on.
2007-04-24 13:41:33 · answer #4 · answered by Purple_passion2805 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my suggestion is if your husband isn't going to comfront her then you need to. yes she may only be your mother-in-law but it is YOUR child that is suffering. Ask her if there is something wrong and let her know how HE is feeling. That he is confused as to why he doesn't get to stay there anymore. She may feel like she can't take one without the other and the baby may be too much for her to handle. Be sure to let her know that the baby DOES NOT have to go, and reasure her that it is okay to just take the oldest. That may all change when the baby gets older.
2007-04-24 13:27:43 · answer #5 · answered by melissa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok. First, she may just need some time away from him (absence makes the heart grow fonder). Second, I think you have become too accostomed to her having him for those weekends. Third, you just had a baby and your hormones are weird right now. In conclusion: Don't ask her to take him and explain to him that grandma still loves him, but that she may just want to be alone for a while.
2007-04-24 13:26:18 · answer #6 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer, but want to add that if you decide to never let her see him then you are only going to hurt your son in the long run. She is the grandma... it shouldn't be he visits on your terms, it should be he visits on her terms. She is not his mom.... you are.
Maybe she just needs a break or maybe there is something going on in her life that she is not wanting to worry you with. Until you know for sure you should not be so upset. She could have a medical condition for all you know and here you are getting angry.
Calm down and try to talk to her and find out if she is ok.
2007-04-24 13:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why would you have a confrontation over this?
why can't YOU let your mother in law know that her grandson is asking about her... it wouldn't hurt to ask her if something is wrong.
perhaps your mother in law has some issue or problem in her personal life which suddenly has changed her ability to care for your son ? You will never know until you approach her, in a respectful manner.
your mother in law apparently volunteered her time and obviously loves your child, since she's taken him on many previous weekends... it's not something she has to do, but something she offered....
it's not right or fair to "expect". and i can see that you're concerned for your son's feelings, but really, becoming angry with your mother in law isn't very rational.
maybe you could simply ask her --
2007-04-24 13:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Calm down. I know you are going through post-partum drepression right now...
Don't take this personal...don't assume she doesn't want your son at her house. Maybe there is a good reason why she is not doing this...or maybe she has no clue that you rely on her taking your son for everyother weekend.
So why don't you have your son ask grandma? Or just ask her directly yourself? Just tell her that your son really misses her and he wants to visit.
Love woman, love.
2007-04-24 15:13:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all. Try to shield your son from this as much as possible. Be sure and say things like " gramma is busy but misses you". Dont let him see how upset you are over it. I would talk to gramma myself and let her know ( very politely) that her grandson misses her and ask her if something has changed. Maybe its a personal thing thats nothing to do with anyone else. Who knows. Talk to her yourself in a caring way. Friend to friend, not daughter in law to mother in law. Im sure it can be fixed. Blessings.
2007-04-24 13:27:16 · answer #10 · answered by undone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋