What steps can we take to help our daughters' be safer in the wide world?

Question

What advice should we give them to prepare them for potential dangers in the world?

Answer 1

As children, boys and girls need the same advice, in my opinion. I think they need to know not only to "not talk to strangers" or "don't get in the car with strangers", etc., but to have some knowledge of what "stranger" actually is, and what "bad strangers" will often say to fool them. My kids know in advance who we will send if something happens and we can't pick them up (my mother or sisters, or my brother-in-law), so they are NEVER to go with someone, even someone they know, who says that my husband and I are hurt or otherwise unable to get them. They also know not to go up to a person's car, and if a grownup asks them for directions, or to help them find their lost puppy or kitty, they are to go get a grownup (any caregiver, including school personnel) to help the person.

My kids know that if anyone touches them in a way that they don't want to be touched, they need to say no. To clarify, they also know that if anyone touches them "where they wear underwear", that area is off-limits and they need to say NO! loudly, and then tell someone. NOTE: My five year old is a bit of a ham, so when he ran out of the apartment a few months back in nothing but his Spider-man Underroos, it didn't seem odd to him that a neighborhood boy with a camera phone took pictures of him, so the "underwear rule" also definately applies if someone wants to see their underwear.

My kids have never been afraid to talk to strangers, and I'm okay with that, since in real life, we have to talk to "strangers" a lot. Allowing them to "talk to strangers" does require a lot of extra attention, though. Basically, my theory is that it's perfectly okay to say "hi" to the girl at the check-out line at Target, but the grown man who occasionally goes up to the playground without children "to read" wierds me out. Basically, I'm pretty much monitering what my kids SAY to strangers, and make sure they understand they aren't to go anywhere with ANY stranger.

With young children, boys and girls are pretty much at the same risk. As they get older, though, the risk for boys tends to lower after puberty, while the girls' risk goes up.

I've read that one in three kids (anyone under 18) have been solicited online by a sexual predator. This is definately the highest risk, so some internet/dating safety is important. Girls, in particular, should be careful, because they most often don't realize how easily they are to trace from something like a myspace page. For example, on myspace, most people put the school they go to on their myspace page. If you have a girl who has her school displayed, and there is any hint that she is part of any club, either sports, cheerleading, drill team, choir, band, theatre, whatever, she's just given any predator with a phone and a brain a way to stalk her. Say the person knows which school she goes to, and that she's in the upcoming production of Oklahoma! All the person needs to do is to call the office of the school anonymously, ask when the production of Oklahoma! will be, and show up. Your fifteen-year-old daughter's online sexual predator could be sitting right behind you watching her sing her little heart out about how "She's just a girl who cain't say no". Not to mention, a lot of teenagers put comments back and forth on their pages, saying when and where they're going to meet someplace. Once again, your beautiful daughter has just advertised where she will be in case anyone wants to stalk her.

Plus, there's just common sense stuff. When your daughter is walking through a parking lot after she gets her license, make sure she has her keys already out of her purse, ready to unlock the door and get in quickly. If it's dark and she's having to walk through a parking lot, let her know that she is to get someone, either an employee, or a security officer, to escort her to her car. Most all stores will be perfectly happy to oblige, because it is a really good safety measure.

And then, of course, there's just the usual safety stuff. Don't have a private date with a guy until you feel 100% comfortable with him. To begin with, have a cell phone and your own transportation, and meet in a populated, well-lit place. Don't leave food or drink with a date, even for a few minutes. If you must leave to go to the restroom, rather than drink the soda you were drinking, ask for a refill. These days, the so-called "date rape drugs" are a very real threat.

As strongly as I do not believe that a woman "is asking for it" by wearing provacative clothing, etc., let your daughters know that there is a stigma out there, and that her risks can increase if she is dressed or behaves in a certain way. My mentioning this does not mean that I think it's okay, but I think it's foolish to possibly put yourself in harm's way over the principle of "I can do anything I want" or "I can wear anything I want".

It is every bit as important to emphasize to boys that age that anyone (male or female) can say STOP at any time, and that at that point, you need to STOP. As funny as the episode of the "launching sequence" on Everybody Loves Raymond was, there is NEVER a point where it's too late to turn back once you've gotten things going. Also, boys should be aware of the fact that girls aren't "asking for it" by wearing certain clothing or doing certain things.

With either sex, tell them there is no shame in asking for help. If anyone violates them, it is not their fault, it is the person who hurts them. Telling someone and getting help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of incredible strength.

Answer 2

The fist thing to tell her is that the world is not fair , I was slow to take this on board and you go through a lot of disillusionment before realising it .
Also tell her the easier way out is not always EASIER. Both morally and financially.
Tell her to be honest in her Emotional and financial dealings. Once trust is broken for me it wont not cant be fixed .
Women often forgive because in the long run their is more for them to get , but what about self respect also just because EVERYONE is doing it , Drugs ,Drink, Sex , doesn't mean its good or Healthy for her peace of mind .

Also put her wise to the games men and women play as far as sex and relationships be honest here , when she realises in the first few instances that you've given her she will be prepared to at least consider your advice .
Urge her to be independent and want nothing Financially or emotionally , tell her not to let neurotic time wasters into her life because after one there will be a string of those following them. Generally one could go on for half an hour but I hope these are key issues that are transferable in many issues a ground work in fact
I sign off because I would like to let others give all their points of View

Answer 3

Be totally honest about the big wide world, prepare them by talking about real issues, try and give real life situations that they could find themselves in and how they could resolve or more importantly avoid getting into, I have three teenage daughters one who will be 18 this year and before I know it she will be off to university completely looking out for herself. We all worry about our children, probably more of our girls (why I dont know, boys can equally be faced which issues of safety) I feel that at times in the past I probably have been over pretective but we have a good honest relationship and so far she has been able to talk to me quite openly. I think the best way is to make sure they are totally aware of the dangers out there, dont let them think 'oh it will never happen to me' but equally dont make them paranoid and therefore give them a sense of 'oh I cant do this something might happen to me' which could equally ruin their confidence of an independent life.

Answer 4

I have brought up three daughters and here are my rules which keep them safe.
1: Where are you going = this is so we know where they were in case of emergancy.
2: Who with + So that in an emergancy we know who to contact and we also know for piece of mind who they are with.
3:What time are you coming home = So we knew when to expect them for locking door and their own safety.
4: How are you getting home = This is to ensure that they get home safe if no transport we would fetch.

All those four things are crutial to making your daughters safe in this nasty world we live in and mine only ever complained once about the four questions until I sat them down and said simple " I ask these questions because god forbid anything happenend to you the police would know where to start looking first and find you quicker" Not nice but true and after that I never even had to ask my four questions they told me for my piece of mind.
Unfortunatly we live in a ba world and as parents we can only do so much but four simple questions and why you are asking them is a good start. It shows you care , they feel safe and secure ok they think your a pain but at the end of day I would rather be that pain than anything bad happening.

Also KEEP YOUR PHONE ON.

Answer 5

keep an eye on them when they are the Internet for a start. Teach them to be streetwise. Give them some trust but always get a phone number when they say they are at a friends house, phone that number to make sure they are there, if the parents care they will understand your concern. Most of all Teach them about DANGER STRANGER, and never ever get them anything with their name displayed on it.
Also have a code word that in an emergency can be used by only the person who would pick them up and make your child aware of it.

Answer 6

The key is to find the balance between keeping them well informed and causing them to live in fear. And you can't have a conversation once and expect it to stick, you have to maintain a constant dialogue. You can watch age appropriate shows with them that address some of the dangers kids face and ask them what they would do in the same situation. I have a friend that enlisted one of her friends that her children didn't know to approach her kids at the playground and attempt to lure them away to help look for a lost puppy. She was convinced that her kids wouldn't fall for it, but they did. She was horrified to watch them walking away with someone that was a stranger to them.
It may seem ridiculous for a kid to have a cell phone, but there are phones that you can program with only 4 numbers they can call. That way it really is for emergencies only. There are also some sneakers that have a GPS chip in them, so you can track your kids. They are kind of pricey, you pay a monthly service fee, but hey, if it gives you some added security....
Unfortunately, we cannot be with them every minute of the day, and so we can't protect them from everything. The best we can do is to educate them so they can try to avoid potentially dangerous situations. Find opportunities to continue the dialogue and teach them to trust their instincts. We all have that little voice that tells us when something isn't right, but so often we ignore it. Good luck to you
Someone else said it's harder with girls, but if you've ever watched those news shows that do the same test I mentioned, more often than not the boys fall for the scam. Girls tend to be a bit more cautious, but that is because parents stress the dangers to girls more than boys.

Answer 7

I have asked myself this question so many times myself. We are bombarded constantly with horror stories of abuse murder etc involving children, you sometimes feel afraid to let them out of your sight. Of course over protecting isn't always healthy for the child. If a child isn't given some time away from the parent how will they ever be equipped to deal with the big bad world when they are older. I think you have to let them go a little so that they learn how to react in different situations, the important thing is to educate them about staying safe when you think they are ready and to make sure they know to always tell you where they're going and with who and when they're older what time you expect them in. They must learn that some people are bad but not everyone, or they'll grow up believing the world is full of people you can't trust and will hurt them. It's fairly easy to teach them to keep safe on the road etc but it isn't easy to explain about stranger danger. I always told my kids never to talk to strangers but then that seemed like I was saying it's ok not to be friendly. I also instilled in them the importance of never ever going with anyone you don't know and not to go with people you do know, outside the close family, unless I knew they were going, even if that person says that mum knows.
I always reminded them if anyone tried to take them away they were to run and sceam top pitch so that someone would come to help. They haven't forgotten to this day and thank God they've never come to any harm. The subject of abuse is difficult but I do think they should be told that if ever someone does something they don't like or touches them on their private parts they were to tell you straight away even if that person said it was a secret or that they'd do something nasty. They should never feel it's their fault. Mobile phones are useful for an an older child but I think it is more important they know what to do in a situation (mobile phones aren't the most reliable sometimes).Sorry if I've gone on a bit! I just think it's awful we have to discuss these things,with an innocent child but I'm am afraid it comes with the territory these days, more's the pity!!

Answer 8

Be honest with them,if theyre quite young then you can explain things in simpler words. You can only give them the information and guidance, they have to make their own decisions about what they do. My parents were always honest and sensible with me, they gave me freedom but also boundaries and I've always been fine. Basic safety things are good-like not going off with strangers,not letting strangers buy them a drink, not walking in isolated dark places on their own, having a phone so they can contact people and be conntacted. Basically just using their common sense,if something feels dangerous or wrong then leave the situation.
Good luck!

Answer 9

All you can do is to advice them about the potentials of having unprotected sex,the complications and the consequences.
How to always assess everything and strangers,not to put themselves in any danger ie:walking home at night alone.
Drugs,,alcohol,,
All the stuff you hear about on the tv needs to be discussed and explained.
My 9 year old nephew told me last week he knew how to make a baby and went on to explain how this is done,i was shocked to realise he knew exactly what he was talking about.
All i could do was to tell him the consequences of having unprotected sex and how having a baby at a young age will potentially ruin his life,,thankfully he told me he hated girls so he has no intention of experimenting.
Just be aware of everything around you and try to explain everything to your daughters,,especially if they ask.
Your children probably view their parents as the only adults they truelly trust so be honest with them

Answer 10

Nobody is safe in this world, it's not just girls that are vulnerable. The same goes for boys. You can't prepare them for everything. Unfortunately there's not enough room on this site to write down all the advice you would have to give to them. Use your own experience as a base.

Answer 11

be totally honest with them about everything - these days kids are never too young to be told anything as most things pose dangers in some way or another - the level of understanding my vary from child to child but it then gives them the oppertunity to ask questions and seek understanding for themsleves on thier own level..... and they can then learn how to deal with certain and sometimes difficult situations .Communication and social skills are imperative to a childs wellbeing and development and gives them the confidence to ask about things they dont understand or find hard to relate to. They will then be able to judge right from wrong easily and know if something that happens to them is suppose to or not - they will also have the abilty to approach someone about it .