Locking my toddlers in their room to sleep?

Question

I have 2 boys - 3 years and 4 years old. They share a room and we can not keep them in it at night. My husband turned the doorknob around so we can lock it from the outside. At night they cry for a very short time, but then they seem fine and go to sleep.....there is a baby monitor so we can hear them. I feel SO guilty that we have to lock in the boys at night.....but we can now get a soild nights sleep! I don't have anyother friends that do this, but we are at our wits ends! Those boys would be in and out of their room for hours...my husband and I took turns putting them back to bed and finally when we do get to go to sleep we wake up at 3 AM with both boys in our bed! Has anyone run in to this? Is locking the door a bad idea? - signed sleepless parents

Thanks for the input...put let me clarify....I am concerned about fire danger I have fire detectors in EVERY room.....The boys climb over the baby gate, they broke the doorknob plastic cover....We do have a bed time routine...bath, brush teeth books and bed. It is not just going to sleep it is staying there all night long. We have even unlocked the door when they fell asleep only to find one in our ben at 3 AM ...or finding the 2 year sitting on the kitchen counter eating cereal!! NO I DO NOT THINK CPS NEEDS TO BE CALLED...what a NASTY thing to say to parent who would do ANYTHING for the children!

Answer 1

Mommyofboyz, please do not feel guilty for keeping your boys safe and also keeping your sanity.

OK - I'm going to get a lot of flack for my answers, and dear mommyofboyz, the frustration (ok, some anger) IS NOT directed at you, but at many of the responses. Mommyofboyz, please do not take this tone as directed at you.

In regards to the fire issue - HOW MANY 3 & 4 YEAR OLDS KNOW WHAT TO DO IN A FIRE??? How many that have brought up this issue have a fire plan and have regular fire drills in your house? I believe not many (but I could be wrong) - so in my opinion the fire issue is out. If you can get to their room and open the door you will get them out.

Now what is the difference from putting a child in a crib or play pen and locking a SAFE bedroom door - nothing that I can see. The child/children are in a save environment vs. wandering the house and getting into potentially harmful things (toilet, tub, dishwasher, etc.). So many children get scaled on hot water (tub) or could slip and drown (toilet) or get into something they should not (dishwasher/knives). My youngest (2 yr old) was the first to figure to get the bathroom step stool to reach the kitchen sink, table and counter. I have had to put my knives up because he has figured how to reach them and if hubby or I have a steak knife at dinner it cannot be left unguarded until it is clean and put away or Mr. Curiosity will find it.

How will you know if your children need you? You have a monitor so you will hear your children if they have a problem. I have a 2yr and 4 yr old and even with OUT a monitor we hear them when they are crying (they are upstairs and we are down stairs). So knowing when they need you is not an issue.

Please remember these are children and our job is to keep them SAFE. Children do not have all of the rights or privileges adults do because they are children and do not know better in many circumstances. I cannot think of a safer place than in their bed room. It will not be that long until they figure out how to open the door even if it locked. Hopefully by then they will be in a better sleep pattern.

One trick I have heard for wandering toddlers (worked on my 2 yr old). Set a bedtime routine, such as same time of night, put pj's on, brush teeth, story, hugs/kissed and bed. Now an adult sits in sight of the child/children, but DOES NOT LOOK AT THEM, SAY ANYTHING, OR ACKNOWLEGE THEM after in bed. If the child gets out of bed, again not looking directly at the child or speaking to them, gently pick them up and put them back into bed. Keep doing this until the child is asleep. The first few nights will be LONG (for us it was 2+ hours). But after a few days kids learn and then it was down to 1 hour, then 1/2 hour, then we are now able to put him down and he 'squawks' for about 15 min and is out. He no longer gets out of bed without permission. If he wakes early he calls us asking to get out of bed and come downstairs.

I hope a small piece of this is some help.

GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE.

Answer 2

Personally I have an 11 month old. I see how difficult it is at this age to get him to sleep, I can only imagine what its going to be when he gets older. The issue I have with locking the door, is the obvious safety ones...if there is a fire anf so on. I probably would not lock them in, just close the door and explain to them that they must go to sleep and shut the lights off. Then again it is easier said than done. You say that you have a monitor so that you can hear them, but what about seeing them? I have a baby monitor that can be connected with a camera, so that I can see my baby as well. Maybe that would be a good investment, as we all know toddlers are the most mischievious when they are quiet! Best of luck.

Answer 3

My 3 1/2 year old son's room is upstairs along with his older siblings (all have separate rooms). Our bedroom is downstairs. We originally had one of those doorknob sleeves put on the inside doorknob, they are designed to make it impossible for youngsters to open the door, but easy for adults to. Well my son eventually figured it out and would let himself out of his room in the early morning. My hubby removed the doorknobs (these are the old fashioned type from the 40's) and we use the doorknob with the metal barb as a "key" to open and close the door from the outside. Son cannot get out now. I have taught my older 2 children how to open the door in case of an emergency. I would not do this otherwise. Now if I can get my son to stop tearing up his room!

Answer 4

I used to use a baby gate on my son's door. When he got old enough to climb over it I used 2 one on top of the other. I felt that was safer if there was a fire. I don't think what you are doing is cruel though. My son would sleep walk and one time we found him in the kitchen he had cut some fruit and put it in the microwave for about 10 minutes. Luckily my husband heard him and went into the kitchen, but he had managed to get a steak knife out of the dishwasher. After that we didn't care if people thought we were cruel, we started using the gates and it kept our son safe.

Answer 5

AS long as the lock is on the outside and you can open it within a second or 2 I say it is safe, because they can hurt themselves at the wee hours of the morning when you might inocently be sleeping. You are doing the right thing. and it won't be forever, butalso talk to them about them not leaving their bed until the alarm goes off. The 4 year old is old enough to understand that. put a few toys they are only allowed to play with at night time (because they will get out of their bed) but need to stay in their room. We had the same problem with our 4 year old and he woke up his 2 year old brother. We had to put locks on some doors at night for their safety and seriously explain what is expected of them.

Good luck and you are so not alone!

Answer 6

I believe locking your children in their room could actually be a form of child neglect. What if there was a fire or one of the boys had a health problem at night and the other boy could not get to you to let you know what is going on ? Or what if one has to go to the bath room? I think you are opening yourselves up for a whole lot of trouble. Personally I think you just need to live with it and keep putting them back to bed and enforcing to them that they have to sleep in their beds. Maybe a reward system might work. At least that won't get them taken away.

Answer 7

This is only a temporary solution. I would try to find the permanent one.
My independent 3 year old gets special treats if she doesn't come out of her room after I've said goodnight.
You can also try having 2 diff. times for bed. Maybe the problem is that they are feeding into each other.
I would put up an open weave gate in front of their door, that way you can hear them better, and they can still see you.

Answer 8

I don't know how to respond. I've heard of people putting screen doors on their children's bedroom doors to keep them in their rooms. My only concern would be if there is a fire. Is there a smoke detector in their room? I've been wondering what I am going to do myself, because my daughter is already thinking about climbing out of her crib is she's only one! If you have a monitor on, and a smoke alarm, I guess I don't see anything wrong. Maybe you could do a reward system for them for sleeping through the night. They get so many stickers, after a certain point, they can cash them in for a prize or something, like a trip to the zoo. I know that kids tend to work better with positive reinforcement. Can you separate the boys and do you think that would help??

Answer 9

Doesn't sound safe to me. Personally, I'd like our children to know they can come out of bed and talk to us if they really need to, like if they're ill, they've wet the bed or even if there's a 'monster' in the room. Do you have a bedtime routine? Every evening at the same time we have some stories, then a couple of songs then bed. If they get out then take them back. If they do it again take them back with less dialogue. Third time they do it take them back with no words. Keep doing this and don't enter into conversation or negotiate. It'll be tiring but eventually it works.

Answer 10

i think your heart is in the right place, but yes, locking the door is a VERY bad idea...it is illegal in most places, for one reason, and it is dangerous, for another...what if there were a fire? if you weren't able to get in their room and get them out...well, you know what could happen...

there must be another solution...perhaps you could reward them for sleeping in their room all night...i know they are really young and this will be very tough, but anything is better than the possible danger of the children being locked in their rooms...

do they have a tv in there? my daughter used to do the same thing...then i bought her a tv....i told her that she could watch it until she fell asleep, as long as she stayed in her bed, in her room, and quiet....but if she came out of her room, or was noisy, the tv would be gone the next day....she also likes to read books, or listen to the radio...but seriously, the tv seems to work the best....just put it on the Disney Channel, and put the volume on real low, and put the remote and the tv up to where they can't reach it...then they wont be up all night scanning the channels, either...

i would also put my daughter in bed about an hour earlier so that she could make up for the time that she spent watching tv :) make sure you reward them (take them to the park or do something else fun with them) when they sleep through nights without bothering you....you can put a chart up and put stars on it for good nights so they can SEE their progress...kids really like to be reminded of their good behavior :)

i hope this works, good luck!