My fiance and I have been together for 2 1/2 years... I love him very much, and I have put myself out there 110% for him. A few months ago I found out he was talking to a girl he met on his internet dating website... and I approached him about it. He told me that he would never contact her again. I never forgot her phone number... the whole episode hurt me so bad. He has since saved her number under one of his friends name on his phone (though his cell phone bill does not show that he has contacted her) but just last night I found a strip of paper in his pocket with her name and number on it (his writing) she lives 4 hours away, so I am not afraid he is doing anything physically, but I feel so betrayed. I am waiting for the next cell phone bill... if her number shows up on it, I want to call her, sort out what has been done, and make a final decision. Is it wrong to contact her in a polite way? Or does he just like her as a friend like he says, and I am medling too far?
2007-04-24 01:45:38 · 8 answers · asked by Laura B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, first of all, dont think dat you are medling too far, becuase it is your rite to make sure that his is being honest and fair with you...maybe she doesnt kno he has a fiance, so yes..i think that you should call her....like dey say, betta safe than sorry
ReeRee
2007-04-24 01:51:30 · answer #1 · answered by Ree Ree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly it's impossoble to give 110% the maximum you can give is 100%. Now it seems he has admitted that there was something going on emotionally if anything, by saying that he would never contact her again. You need to ask him in a non confronting way. Just tell him that it still is bothering you and you are having trouble trusting him and that you need a break for a while. If you can't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them, and if you need to check his pockets for things, then he is not making you feel secure, unless you were just doing the washing. You are medeling too far only if you call her without him knowing. Maybe that paper was from when he first got the number, but if he keeps her number under someone elses name, then it's time for you to give him the heave ho, just make sure that it actually is her number, you might have to call it. I know I contradicted myself didn't I
2007-04-24 01:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you're meddling too far. He's lying to you and you have a right to know the truth. Could you try calmly bringing it to his attention? Maybe on the next bill if he's called her again just say something like "oh i noticed you called that girl again, how is she?" And judge his reaction and go from there. It's possible that they're just friends but if that's the case then he has no reason to lie to you. Make sure he realizes you're ok with him having friends and he doesn't need to hide it. I think that you should try to talk to him as much as possible about this before talking to her. But if in the end you feel the need to talk to her, I don't see a problem with it at all. If she doesn't know he's engaged, she needs to. And if she does know, then she needs to be told to leave him alone. - Whenever you talk to him, make sure you're super polite and calm so he has no reason to get defensive and stop talking about it.
Good luck hun!
2007-04-24 01:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. You ARE meddling too far. Keep in mind that you have a relationship with HIM, not with HER. You have no place and no right to call her. You can only approach him.
2. Your fiance is obviously up to no good. If it was just an inocent friendship, he wouldn't have felt the need to hide the number under another name. It's also disrespectful, because by implication, if he lies to you, he's assuming you're dumb enough to fall for his lie. You should let him know that you're on to him (but don't tell him how) and if it doesn't change, you'll leave him. And stick to it. You don't want to marry someone who is lying. You'll wonder forever.
2007-04-24 01:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by PTY Smoooth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Laura, your suspicions are correct. He is cheating on you at least emotionally if not physically.
Contacting the "other woman" is not going to help you, she will deny everything and you won't get any satisfaction....Your fiancee is a cheater and he will eventually hook up with this woman. Why would you put up with this behavior? If he has been logged on to an internet dating service, that's cheating and he doesnt respect you.
Do yourself a favor and dump him.
Most women wouldn't put up with this type of nonsense and you shouldnt either.
Your fiancee is a liar and a cheat.
You will have nothing but problems, drama, and heartache if you stay with him.
Always keep in mind that men are motivated by sex when it comes to relationships with women....no matter what a man might tell you, sex is the motivating factor.
2007-04-24 01:57:43 · answer #5 · answered by jim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your right to be curious, but lets not pass down some chinese court rulings just yet (as in guilty before innocent). The basis of any relationship is trust and if u cant trust him then u cant be with him.
Approach the girl friendly, dont directly accuse her. Just ask her what her relationship with your fiance is (if you could in the least direct manner possible). If the husband is cheating there will be some indication (dont jump to conclusions though, work with facts dont let emotions overpower you)
After all it could just be a friendly relationship, nothing suss. The husbands hiding the number and all however leads me to think otherwise. Either way I hope you come to a happy conclusion (if one is possible)
2007-04-24 01:54:13 · answer #6 · answered by ChAtMaN 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he has mentally scared you believe me i have been there. your in your rights to find out whats been going on after all hes your man. you will never forget it but you may still be able to carry on your relationship if yous both work hard at it and talk to find out why hes been chatting to her etc..i know from experience it hurts like mad and you wounder to yourself is it my fault have i done something wrong for him to do this but trust and believe in yourself and don't blame yourself .. men are just pigs they cant keep to one woman and with all the sites on the net no the wounder it happens but do get to the bottom of this and good luck hope it turns out rite for yous..
2007-04-24 02:21:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
www.DatingWithoutDrama.com
2007-04-24 01:52:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋