what should i add toi this speech?? well its not finished?

Question

Ideas without action are worthless. Hi, for those of you who don’t know me, my name is Brittney Durant. When I first came to this school as a freshman, I thought that this school was filled with so much school spirit. From girls with matching T-shirts and ribbons, to some seniors dying their hair blue, just for that day. It was to the point where if you didn’t dress up, or didn’t wear you class colors you didn’t really fit in. In my past three years at West High, I feel that students at our school have less and less school spirit and just get plain tired and bored at rallies. Instead of getting up and yelling out our classes, we would much rather stay seated, sit back and watch. I personally believe it is due to the fact that our rallies are the same every year. Alhough the freshmen may be excited about our rallies, I’m sure that most of you agree with me that our class competitions are just like they were last year and the year before. I think that students would be more into our rallies and filled with more school spirit if we had something new to look forward to every rally. As your next secretary of Activities, I am willing to work with the Secretary of Spirit to provide our school with better rallies, dances, and activities. I, personally, think that it is time for a change at West High. Rallies at our school have been said to be “all right”, “boring”, or the same “every year”. As your new secretary of Activities, I’ll do my best to make sure that you, the students of West High, have an unforgettable year next year with more exciting rallies and newer and better songs at our school dances. With the new secretary of spirit I will combine creativity with discipline to provide West High with more organized rallies next year. I’ll try my best to have newer class competitions, such as dance offs, and perhaps teacher versus students relays. I, Brittney Durant, promise to listen to each student's concerns and ideas for future activities and I think that it would be a great idea to get the students’ opinions about what our future activities should be.

Answer 1

I am a man of few words but a man of action. Vote for me and I will serve you better than any other candidate.

Answer 2

Not bad, but consider that the entire theme is in your opening line "Ideas without action are worthless"

The question is whether you want to promise them "effort" or "results".

I can tell you after spending half a century on this planet that only one's own mother gives you any credit for effort. Everyone wants results.

Based on that, I'd say you should eliminate every instance where you say "I'll try my best" and go out on a limb and promise results.

That means you have to change what you are promising slightly. Don't promise they will have an unforgettable year, promise them "activities they can get involved in that will make the year unforgettable". If they don't get involved, you can't do much about that, but you CAN promise the opportunity.

Do not reveal your specific plans at this point. Just tell them that you have ideas to do new and different things, and that next year isn't going to be like last year.

You don't "think" getting their opinions will be a good idea. It IS a good idea. It's their year.

Be firm, be positive, be committed, promise results, be exciting. You won't be effective if you leave yourself the escape hatch of "I promise to TRY", you have to risk failure to succeed.

Answer 3

If you are using your real name, edit it out of the post. Just for your own safety. You state many things clearly, but you can clean it up some. Several points are repetitive. Keep it clean, precise and clear. But overall, it is not bad, not bad. Will you be delivering the speach as written? it seems like you might try to punch it up a bit during the delivery. right now it reads very standard in its structure. as you want to be activities secretary, you have the opportunity to deliver an effective speach with lots of action. try an interactive approach, something that supports you are not into the "same old, same old". Good ideas! you will do well!

Answer 4

She used to be so sleek. Beyonce did not even make a scene of Kanye West's outburst approximately her video. Very candy of Beyonce to permit Taylor Swift have her second for the period of her popularity speech.