why guys can't be honest and end up cheating?

Question

We just discovered that my dad had an affair with a young woman. He denied it at first, but with all the evidence that we have, he can't. But he says he loves my mom and would die if we leave him. Question: if he really loves my mom, why would he lie and cheat? I have talked to a lot of girls also whose bfs have cheated and they said "even if you have to remind a guy everyday to tell you if he no longer likes you, or he's not in love with you anymore" they won't and they will lie as long as they can get away with it. WHHHHYYYY?????? Isn't it more honorable to just tell the girl you don't like them anymore???

Answer 1

Girls do it too and not all guys do!

Cheating can and is done by both sexes equally, girls are just more vocal when it happens to them. If a guy cheats on a girl he is the one that every one gets mad at (with good reason.) If a girl cheats on her guy then its still the guy that takes the bad rap because he must have done something wrong.

That aside most people cheat because they want a thrill that they can't get from being monogamous and they are insecure. They want to risk every thing they have (not necessarily consciously) to get a taste of something different. They may also want reassurance that they are still attractive. This doesn't necessarily mean that they don't love their partner any less its simply just acting without thinking. This however does not mean its okay, I personally feel that cheating on someone is the worst thing you can do to them in a relationship.

Answer 2

Your question is really more two questions.

But to answer your question about why guys aren't as nice and honest as possible, is that girls have these Cinderella expectations. They expect Prince Charming to relish over them and treat them like a princess. Unless the girl is drop dead gorgeous and has everything going for her, what is the point? Girls pretend and say "nice things" just to keep a guys attention, which is to be expected.

As crude as it may sound, not every girl is worth the complete fussing over. If a guy is willing to take the risk to say all those so cal wonderful things, then the girl better worth every word of it.

Now that is no way excuses what your father did. I'm sure he does loves you and your mother, but people are not perfect. They do make mistakes, and at times, horrible ones. Just because he wasn't fully honest and cheated on your mom doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love her. But I'm sure there was something wrong in your parents marriage, as in all marriages, and your dad was a coward and took the easy way out.

It's not as simple as not liking someone anymore, its far more complicated than that. Like I said, I'm sure he still loves your mom, he just made a mistake that doesn't mean you have to forgive him, but do understand the complexity of the situation, because there is no black and white answer.

Answer 3

Both men and women cheat-- and for a number of reasons.

He may have a sexual addiction problem. Many men and women fail to see the opposite sex or their conquest as "simply human" just like themselves.

I know a guy who ran about on his wife for 14 years on top of doing other terrible things to the family and it was only 3 months ago that he finally saw her as human.

There are payoffs to cheating-- feelings of power, secrecy, ego feeds-- there is something totally alluring about infidelity. It is because we live in a society that shames people for cheating. If there wasn't such a stigma I bet the number of cheating partners would be less in this country.

The hope is that there are still kind men and women out there that have enough of themselves figured out and are honest enough to cut the rope when the relationship is no longer working.

I have some friends that practice polyamorism. They are very up front with each other about who, when and where. Sometimes they share partners and other times they venture solo. This is not my particular ideal relationship but I am not them. I have a different brain and the things that are permissible for some are not for others. This is okay. Diversity makes for an interesting planet.

Answer 4

Guys can't be honest because women put up with their bullshit.

Until women stop falling for "macho" guys who fool around and care nothing for the feelings of others, guys will always behave that way.

Of course, not falling for macho guys means you are probably a lesbian. So it's a catch-22 situation.

I advise making it harder for men in general so that standards are raised and men feel they have to watch their behavior more to succeed. In the old days this fairness of competition and application of rigorous standards was ensured by a chaperon. Maybe we should bring back that tradition. Maybe if the woman's grandmother was present at every date, men would stay on their toes. Then, when the couple gets married, the woman's grandmother should move in with them and continue to watch over the man while helping to take care of the children.

I don't support religion, but I think the society should place more emphasis on right behavior. If a man toys with women, people should hold that against him. We need to bring back the scarlet letter.

Answer 5

Love and sex are diffrent thing to a guy. Women see them as the same thing. A guy can have sex and feel no love(or anything else). Sex just feels good. Love is all the emotional stuff. Natural he still loves his wife and kids.

Again, lots of guys like to have the girl to hang out with in the 'relationship' and one girl to just have sex with.(It would be nice to have both thing in one girl...but that will never happen).

It's more honorable to just tell a girl, sure. But whatever made you think that guys nowadays were honorable?

Answer 6

Sometimes they still do like & love their girl, they just choose to go outside of the relationship to try something else. It is totally unaccpetable! Your dad probably really loves her mom but got caught up in something else...Sometimes guys can't be honest because they dont know what to say, Im not justifying their actions either...trying to give them the benefit of the doubt..lol...but girls sometimes do the same thing. Lack of not knowing what to say or maybe the relationship is lacking communication all together. Who knows why they lie and cheat?!

Answer 7

I have found out that married men lie because they are afraid to lose what they think they paid for all by them selves.. The house, the furniture, the cars, trucks etc.. Afraid they will have to pay child support and pay money in support to the wives. Funny.. They figure it out later that the other women doesn't want them if they end up with nothing.. Or only half.. It is always about money and sex.. Sad but true...

Answer 8

some people cheat because it thrills them to have something thats not theirs or to satisfy their egos that they can get wt they want but the strongest reason is coz they are not getting wt they want from their current relation (men and women alike) in the heart of their hart they all know its temporary thing thats why ur dad doesn't want to lose his family... i won't doubt his love for ur mom but its not that strong anymore or it can turn stronger with this fear of losing her...u need to analyse ur moms attitude as well there must have been something that turned him towards that other girl may be ur mom was not giving him enough time or they were losing there excitment in this marriage i would suggest u give them time may be plan some vacation for them or ask them to get some councelling...marraige is irreplaceable and they should give it another try before breaking it up...all the best

Answer 9

This question will never end. It comes up all the time. It is simply a matter of hormones- testosterone to be exact. By nature we are not monogamic. Societies impose norms and taboos. There are other polygamic societies whereby having sex with someone other than your mate is not prohibited but accepted. The Mormons were/are like that in the US till they ran afoul with the law.

Answer 10

He is more than likely still in love with your mom, but guys won't be honest because one or more of their needs are not being fulfilled by their wife, therefore they seek the need that is not being fulfilled somewhere else and they hide it until caught. A man's needs are different from a woman's. I suggest buying your dad and mom a copy of this book Iisted.