For women only - Can I open the door for you?

Question

I was raised to open doors for women, open the car door (if I'm driving). I always pump the gas at gas station. This I've always thought was good manners. But more and more over the years I've been at the receiving end of extremely nasty comments by women who accuse me of being 'a sexist pig' etc.

Most of the women in my life tell me they appreciate it and would consider it rude of me not to do this. I try to treat my girlfriend like the fine lady she is. So I'm confused because I'm either rude or a sexist pig no matter what I do. This is a rather delicate issue because we work with women at the office everyday and guys don't know what we're supposed to do anymore?

Please tell me (and all men) what we are supposed to do????

Thanks in advance, even for all of the nasty insults I know I'm about to receive : )

All the good manners in my life I learned from my mother

Answer 1

Aww, bless you! I'm in a wheelchair when I go out, and opening some doors is a little tricky. I'm always grateful when someone takes the initiative and opens that door for me.

You definitely have good manners, and I wish you were contagious. A lot of us old-fashioned women still appreciate a gentleman, but sometimes, I think you're an endangered species. If you were catching, a lot of other guys would do well to get the bug!

Do me a favor -- please thank the person(s) who encouraged you in such thoughtfulness and good manners. They did a good job. :-)

Answer 2

I love having the door held open for me! Sometimes its a little weird when they stand there for like a minute holding it open because I am nowhere near the door yet. Then I'm like "dude go ahead". But other than that I absolutely love it. I don't think anyone will give you a nasty answer because you worded this so nicely and you seem like a good person. If they do they're very wrong. Many women seem to want things both ways. I suppose offering to open up their car door before they get out rather than just doing so would be nice. Or offering to carry the heavy whatever up the stairs instead of insisting would be nice. Try not to make it seem like you think that they need help or assistance. I don't want you worrying that there has to be a lot of thought put into everyone of your actions because there doesn't have to be. Just be nice and respectful and anyone who is unappreciative can deal with it. I hope this helps dear!

Answer 3

Sometimes it just feels appropriate to open the door for someone else - man or woman. Given the fact that everyone doesn't follow the "traditional" etiquette that I prefer, I find I must negotiate these transactions on a case by case basis. The overall goal is to be polite to everyone. I sometimes sense traditional gentlemen don't like the woman to open the door. Of course if someone is carrying something, I would open the door. It doesn't seem as complicated in real life as it is trying to write it out.

Answer 4

Oh, dear. My husband says this so often. He, too, is a gentleman and was brought up to open doors for women. And has received ugly looks and/or comments for doing so.
I just don't understand it. I always thank anyone, man or woman, who holds a door for me. I also hold doors for other people when it seems the right thing to do.
I think when someone makes a negative issue out of a simple gesture of kindness, they are just a bit too hung up on independence.
I have probably done him a great disservice, but have brought up my son to hold doors and open car doors for a lady. He just turned 18. He has told me that so far no one has ever made an ugly comment to him for doing so. The young ladies he associates with seem impressed by it and the older women he encounters in public seem shocked.
Perhaps the tides are turning and we are coming to a point of balance where politeness can once again be recognized for what it is and not misinterpreted?

Answer 5

You are being considerate. I enjoy my man opening the door and pumping gas. He's a gentlemen....and so are you!!! Your woman is probably proud. Those women who sling the nasty insults are the rude pigs.

I'm a woman and I open the door for other women. I have manners, unlike those rude B******!

Not only do I think chivalry is disappearing, I think the manner's of both sexes are going out the window.

Answer 6

I hope you don't get any nasty comments- this is a hard time for women and men because we are really changing society and I'm hoping that we can work together to make the world better- Frankly, women can't fight sexism with out men acting as our allies.

I appreciate when ever a person opens the door for me (man or woman). That being said I can understand that opening a car door implies weakness so when dealing with your colleagues ask yourself "if this woman were a man would I open the door for him" if the answer is no don't open the door if its yes go for it.

Answer 7

I never mind when someone opens a door for me; in fact, I open doors for others when it seems appropriate. I figure it is a kindness to be accepted graciously, as long as the gesture is not an overture to something else that may be construed as invasive. Women are often suspicious of men who are too nice, because it isn't the social norm anymore. Men who are too nice nowadays usually want something from you--this is the modern, cynical mindset of many women now. I try to accept the kindness and move on. If the guy tries to follow me and ask me out, then I just flash my wedding ring at him and tell him he's 15 years too late. If he tries anything after that, well, that's what martial arts is for!

Answer 8

I love to have the door opened for me; and I always open the door when I get there first too, it goes both ways, I don't understand why there are women who refuse to have a man hold a door for them (self-reliant I guess) and I also don't understand why there are some men who won't open doors (although I'm not offended when they don't). I think that it's proper manners for the first person to reach the door to hold it open for those to follow. I guess that people just have their own ways of doing things and like to do things themselves. But, thanks for holding the door, and keep up the good work!

Answer 9

Absolutely, you may open the door for me. I may be a bit surprised at the car door, as I've had very few men do this for me and only on special occassions. But chivalry never dies!

But I do have one request - please don't be offended or give me funny looks if I hold a door open for you! Although I'm a girl, I've just always been taught that the polite thing to do was to hold the door open if there was someone nearby coming through, male or female.

Answer 10

I love to have a gentelman around. i have almost gotten to the point where I expect my husband to open the door for me. Although walking into a store is appropriate, I can never wait for him to open the car door for me, he is slow and I would never amke it out of there!

I know that not everyone does this for thier significant others, and if that works for them fine, but it gets my goat when I see young men hurry in front of an old lady or man and then not keep the door open for them when it would have been so easily done.