My friend's husband is very controlling, addicted to pain medication says he doesn't have a problem.?

Question

They divorced about a year half ago after 18 years of marriage. She went back to him after six months of divorce. She realized she still loved him and thought that she could help him and change him. He is now more controlling than ever. He gets upset if she walks out of the room. He cries you don't love me, you want to be away from me. He abuses pills and becomes violent at times.He self mutilates himself by burning his arms with cigarettes. She knows that he needs medical help, but she doesn't know what to do or how to get him help. He will not do this on this own.
She just doesn't know how to make him. Any advise on how she can legally get him help without him getting angry? She believes he will feel like she is turning against him.

Answer 1

In fact she is not helping him at all, she is enabling him, its called being co-dependant. She gets her esteem by looking after him. She can't help or change him only he can do that. He's in denial and she is a feeding that. Only when he recognises he has a problem and wants to do something about it, will he change. x

Answer 2

You know.......he is going to feel that she and the world are against him. Protecting his feelings has gotten the two of them to where they are now.

This woman is admirable to want to help her ex, but she needs to come to terms with the fact that she is in an abusive situation.
And this man is doing himself and others around him harm.
He needs both medical and psychiatric help.

Years ago I was married to such a man, unable to care for himself, yet abusive to me, his caregiver. A friend who understood the situation got me in to see a counselor. The counselor hooked the family up with a psychiatrist, primarily for my husband's issues. Both the counselor and psychiatrist worked with us for a period of time before I was able to grasp the fact that I would die by his hand if I stayed. Times when he would become violent I followed a plan the psychiatrist helped me to make - resulting in the hospitalization of my husband in the psyc ward - on a 72-hr. hold, where he was given treatment.

For this woman, I would suggest phoning or going to see her husband's Dr. and explaining just what is going on, as you have explained it. The Dr. will know what to do to get this man treatment.
If all else fails, and the husband is violent to her/or mutilating himself, she can call 911. With involvement of police or paramedics, the result will be two-fold. He will have to own-up to his actions and condition, and she will have the opportunity to get away and move out. The ex-husband will make no changes for himself until he FEELS the concequences of his condition and his behavior. And he will feel that the world is against him - no way around it. Saving him from himself does him no favors, and continues the harm.

She is going to need 1) a friend & 2) a counselor 3) a place to stay.

Answer 3

Been there ! you can't change anyone who doesn't want to change .She is as bad as him. First she should go get help for herself then she can work on him . IF he becomes violent she (is in fear of her life ) can call the police they will arrest him for domistic violance then he'll have to get help. but she should not return until he has help. I've been there tell her to get help for herself but she can't change him just by being there and taking his ***** Yes if is does call the police go thru with it or she's likely to turn up dead herself. Good Luck !!!!