My best friend has cancer and not very long to live? I feel lost and helpless. How best can I help her?

Answer 1

I just went through this, twice. Once in August and then in February.

My Brother had late stage colon cancer. The important thing for him was to know that we still cared about him, and that we were with him all the way.

We lived almost 1200 miles apart but from time to time, I arranged my schedule to have a 3 or 4 day weekend so I could visit. Those visits were great for the both of us. We are the goofiest pair, and so we did goofy things together, just like always.

I had to be aware that he would tire easily, but other than that he was still just my brother. We talked on the phone a lot, too, and from time to time he wanted to talk about "when the time comes". That was hard to do, but I let him lead, and ask whatever questions he wanted to ask, and gave him honest answers.

Even on his last day he was playing. He was pretending to be too weak to eat, so his wife would come and "help". When she got near he kissed her and pinched her behind.
He had only been able to sleep on his back for the previous couple of months, which was not how he usually slept. The next morning, he was found all curled up in a little ball on his favorite side. Evidently, God let him have a little comfort before he went home.

The other was my good buddy, a lady from church. She had pancreatic cancer. She chose not to have chemo after the first treatment. That was hard for me to accept, but it was, after all, her body.

Again, I let her lead, but she needed to know we still loved her. As it happened, her very last trip out of the house was to my living room for a celebration. Her very last meal was cooked by my wife, and we all enjoyed it together. She only got really weak near the end. You could tell she was getting really tired two weeks before, but she rallied on a Monday, we talked, and on Wednesday made plans to get together on Saturday. She died on Thursday, singing church songs with her sister. She had been restless, and the Hospice nurse on the phone said to sit her up and she would breathe easier. That done, her sister read a couple of scriptures, and told her that if it was time to go, that we would all be all right. Then she sang a church favorite. My friend managed to find the strength to sing the chorus, took her sister's hand and went home.

I imagine your friend has similar needs. She probably needs to feel included, and not too "damaged" or "icky" to be loved. Lots of folks who know their time is short crave acceptance and normalcy. Being there, and unafraid to talk and laugh is important. Some folks reminisce, and want to talk about old times.

Do not be surprised if you see a bit of anger and frustration from time to time, too. Emotions can run high at a time like this. Try to take it with a grain of salt.

If your friend is religious, she may want to talk faith. Younger folks, especially, want to know why. There never is a good answer to that one.

So, be there. And be unafraid to laugh, or cry. Be unafraid of questions, and try to be open enough to talk about "When I die" topics. They may come up, especially if you are steadfast and stick with your friend to the end.

And be aware that many times a very sick person will suddenly have a period of time where they seem especially energetic and lucid. Happy, perky and ready to go a mile a minute. Then, they crash, and it is time to go home. I don't know why or how that happens, but it has happened to people in my life so often that I think there is something to it.

Answer 2

Your question makes all the other questions I'm looking at seem like a total waste of time. If I were him or her I would feel like the luckyist person in the world. To have a friend like you that really cares. Just show him or her how much.
I'm almost 61 and not in the best of health. Two years ago I married my first wife again after being apart and not seeing each other for over 30 years. I am not religeous , but have very little fear of dying , because I am going out the happiest I have ever been in my life. Having a good friend who cares is all that matters. Good luck.

Answer 3

My best friend died almost 2 months ago of lung cancer.
And I felt very lost and helpless when he told me it was
incurable and he had about 1 year left.
It eventually lasted about 3 years, with him growing very
weak only in the last few weeks.
I talked to him on the phone in the evening telling him I'd be
over after the weekend, he died the same night peacefully
in his sleep.It will come as a shock to you to even if you know
it will inevitably happen.
The best way of helping is to be there for your friend, spend
time and effort and as long as she is capable go on as if
there is nothing wrong with her.
You both know the awful truth so there is no need to bring it up
unless she does so herself.
And you have to be strong for her sake especially if she doesn't take it very well.
My friend took it admirably well and lived his last few years
in a very productive and useful way.
And that I suppose is the spirit you should encourage in your
friend, and it will not always be easy.
When Steve had his bad days and felt down and without
energy it was painfull and agonising to see.
I'd come home and have a quiet cry and at times went for the
whisky bottle to dull the pain.
I don't know how you'll handle it, but whatever happens just be
there for your friend and never abandon her no matter how
painful it may get.
After all that's what you're there for, not to pity /not out of a sense of duty, You're a friend! now is the time to really be one!.

Answer 4

I am SO SORRY to hear about your friend!! Maybe try and help her accomplish something that she has ALWAYS wanted to do!! Like skydiving (if she is able to) or something else that is really important to her. Help cheer her up... like plan a huge surprise party for her at a nice place where all of her friends come and there is NO TALK about the cancer or how long she has to live! If you dont have the money then have all the people that you invite "chip" in.... you would be surprised at how much people are willing to help! I think that if you did something like that it would really mean the world to her!! I will keep BOTH of you in my thoughts and prayers!

Answer 5

Both my grandparents were diagnosed with cancer two years ago. They have gone through chemo and radiation and thank god have beat cancer. I scared that it could come back, bcuz since there older the chance is greater. I know how you feel and i have been through every emotion to possibly go through. I feel like this constantly. My advise would be to be there for her/him, and to just enjoy each others company. Maybe there have been adventures or things that you both have wanted to do before. Do those those things with each other while you can. My prayers go out to you and your friend. I hope that you can enjoy the time you have left with your friend. All the best to you.

Answer 6

at first, I deliver deeply sympathize your subject, and that i'm very sorry to take heed to what has befell on your loved ones. i'm helpful your mom exchange right into a brilliant woman. at school, you ought to attempt to work out a counselor. they are able to truly help, have confidence me, i understand. which would be a good decision, because of the fact considering the fact that your dad already see's you as a burden, he probably is basically no longer waiting to get you a expert therapist. yet a school counselor won't basically assist you including your low self-particularly worth, yet help they might additionally assist you including your bullying subject. And in the experience that your frightened approximately your weight, are not getting liposuction. this is an uncomplicated way out, yet you will nonetheless experience the comparable emotionally. i could advise getting a private coach. Wether that be a school well-being midsection instructor or one at your close by well-being midsection. lower back, because of the fact of your father, getting a school well-being midsection instructor could be your maximum suitable decision. you will possibly be able to additionally look up a thank you to shed some pounds, and taking those small toddler steps. I even have indexed some factors of interest under. i understand the way it feels to be valueless, I even have experienced the low self-particularly worth myself, and being lonely, and that i've got suffered via melancholy. now and lower back the melancholy, and self-particularly worth comes lower back to hang-out me, yet once you seek advice from human beings approximately your issues, and get help, this is much less probably to come again lower back and hang-out you. Do you have any aunts/uncles/grandparents which you will possibly be able to desire to stay with, that care approximately you greater then your father? if so, which would be a brilliant option to coach you. i wish this has helped you, and basically understand which you're an extremely good woman, and this is okay to cry, it enable's your thoughts out. stay good.

Answer 7

Just be there for her. If she's feeling up to it, go to the mall, the movies, hang out with friends and everything you used to do before she got sick. You're a great friend to be asking this, by the way. So many people get all weird and drop off the face of the earth as soon as you get sick. She's lucky to have you. Prayers for you both.

Answer 8

The very best thing would be to pray for her and treat her as much as possible as normal what ever that might be.
Go with her to all appointments, let her know you can feel her pain but not in a way to make her feel you are feeling sorry.
When you pray, ask God to give you both the wisdom and power to stand with her in the time of need.
Also ask for help from all your friends and hers as well.

Answer 9

Just be there for her. Show her the time of her life, while you still can!! The summer's right around the corner, go on a road trip, or spend lots of time at theme parks, movies, clubs, etc.. anything to make her feel good in the present. Let your friend know you'll be there for her til the end.

Answer 10

When I was in high school I lost one of my best frieinds. Sometimes I just sat quietly with her.
If she wanted to talk we talked.
Sometimes she wanted to be alone. We had to respect her wishes.

Get some photos and talk to her about the fun times you have had.