Why do I always lose interest in relationships?

Question

I'm a 24 year old female who is beginning to lose interest in her boyfriend of 6 months. I adore him. We have a great relationship. We have become very close over the past several months.

At some point, maybe one or two months ago, I began losing sexual attraction to him. He has obviously noticed.

First i lose interest, then i get ansty, get the wandering eye and then I want out. And I can NEVER even provide the guy with a legitimate reason for my actions. That is the inevitable course of my relationships. I often used to chalk it up to "he's just not right for me" until this time around, I'm very frustrated. I would LOVE for him to be "right for me" but I can't force it. I am the common denominator in alI my failed relationships. So the problem must be me, right?

Thus far, I have not been able to find anyone who can relate to this experience. I'd prefer a relatable discussion to a series of know-it-all answers.

Answer 1

This is a good question. Here's my thoughts. Maybe great relationships are boring for you. They lack the drama to keep you interested and maybe the guy is just too nice.

I've had that happen with a girl I was dating. When I met her, I was dating lots of different women. Even she wondered why I was interested in her. She was very attractive and she was fun, I couldn't resist. She liked s e x alot. I dropped other girls and she became the only one. After a while we even talked about getting married. Soon she started to become a bit mean, losing interest in sex, and even flirted with guys around me. Now we both worked at a radio station together and lots of women would come up and talk to me so she used that as justification to talk with guys too. She said she was just being nice.

Anyway, I tried to understand her behavior and of women in general. I might put out a book on what I've found out thus far. Women want someone they can look up to and not down upon. Perhaps relationships make you feel trapped, so you end up rejecting the relatonship and want something else. Perhaps you prefer something or someone more exciting. I don't think you're the problem, you just have to understand your nature. If your nature is to be unattached then try that option for now. It's very important for you to discuss this with him and not treat him any worse. You don't want to be the woman he uses as an example as to why he never commits again.

Send me an IM, I'd like to talk to you a bit more. I have a question.

Answer 2

Perhaps the reason that you lose interest is just because the high that we get in the beginning of a relationship is not there. At first a guy is so interested in us and can't do enough for us but after the relationship gets to a more comfortable level it just isn't enough for you. Maybe you need to give more of yourself to the relationship and not focus on what it is not giving to you. It is also possible that the guys your with really aren't right for you. If you don't see yourself in a long relationship when you first meet them perhaps that don't have the qualities which hold fast over time. If this is the case then don't waste your time as well as his. When you meet the right one you could imagine yourself married forever to this great guy. If you can't say that, then maybe it is just lust. That is unfullfilling after while and then you lose interest.

Answer 3

First of all just because you want him to be the right one doesn't mean he should be. If you are losing interest that fast then i think you need to look deep inside yourself. Maybe this man is wonderful and only everything that you think that you want. You said that you think you are the problem, so.. why don't you try this, make a two sided list. One side of what your perfect man will be like and the other side what he won't be like. And put everything you can possibly think of on it. From the color of his eyes to how long it takes him to go to the bathroom, what will his favorite tv show be, and what wont it be. What will his friends be like, his family..... EVERYTHING. Then think about why those things are so important to you. Do you like all of those things too? If you are the one leaving then you shouldn't fret, your leaving for a reason. Be happy. The worst thing you could do is stay just because you wish there was something that there isn't. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

This is a very important share

. You must realize that what you think you want in a relationship and what you actually need and get are not the same. It seems apparent you want a sexual high that will not leave over time. This is impractical. What is useful is to realize that you want a best friend who will be there for you, care about you, not let you get down on yourself, provide understanding, and he himself can be vulnerable so that you can contribute to him equally as Friend, confidant, and lover.

When you are deeply about someone and they about you, they start to look better and better, because your heart has opened up

When you find that man who you can hold up the torch for, and validate how wonderful he is to you and how much you love and appreciate hin, you will have matured.

When people commit to relationships, there are times of doubt that someone better is out there. It is possible, but unlikely. Love the one you're with, and work on the relationship so you can build happy and meaningful memories.

When I got married, she was young, blond, intelligent, great smile, wanted to be a teacher, and we had some cultural things in common. Over time, I saw a passive aggressiveness on her part, and her irrational paranoid delusional thinking. I did not know her well enough over only 9 months, and I wanted a marriage. She began to invalidate me in front of my daughters as they grew, which only made her hate me. it was a shock that she filed for divorce after 19 years marriage, and very painful for a while.

A year later, I realized divorcing me was the best gift she had ever given me. Why? Because she proved she was not only NOT my friend, but my enemy. My kids believed her lies, and would not see me for a few years. It was devastating. It took years to get them back, and one has left again my life, because she has my ex wife's stinking thinking..

Mind you, I NOT smoke, do drugs, drink, cheat. I was a good dad, a dedicated father, but she wanted a cash machine and I was only a teacher.

Read three very short books:

He

She

and

We

by Robert Johnson.You won;t need any more books about men, women, and relating. Also, get an interesting life for yourself which involved contributing as a volunteer to some thin in which you believe. Go cak to school, and continue to grow in interest and responsibilities. You have to find value in yourself so you can value others in a mature way.

Answer 5

Hmm....well I have a lot of different theories. So I'll shoot them out there for you. Maybe you're doing this, because you are afraid of being hurt. So instead of jumping in 100% you put up a road block and only allow things to go so far so everything is nice and safe and no one gets hurt.

Maybe you are afraid of committment. You talk of your wandering eye, so this tells me that you are not really ready to settle down yet and are wanting to date other people. Don't feel bad about this at all. When you meet the one you are going to be with the rest of your life, you will know!

My question is, why did you lose sexual attraction to him? Has he gained weight? Also, were you sexually abused in the past? If you were, that could have a lot to do with why you are always the one who loses interest and backs out of all the relationships.....because you dont' want to get hurt. Then that opens up a whole new ball of wax. Just throwing some ideas out there.

Maybe you have some misconceptions about love too, that you expect it to be like all romance, all the time. A friend of my put it wisely when she was asked about soul mates, "No, I don't believe in love at first sight or soul mates, its about someone who will stick by you through thick and thin and someone who you can stand to be around and work through all your problems with." So maybe you are in love with "being in love", then when the honeymoon phase is over, its not as exciting, fun, and new, so you lose interest.

Maybe the guys you pick are not compatible to your excitement rating. Such as are you a sociable girl who likes to get out and try new things and do new things? Maybe the guys you pick are total homebodies and don't need or want that type of excitement in their lives, so you are losing interest that way.

It sounds to me like you want to have experiences with other relationships and that you are not ready to settle down. I would suggest that you follow your heart or you will never be happy. Tell the other guy good bye and get out there and date! I really don't think you have found someone who is compatable with you in every aspect. Maybe if you want a little help, the online dating is becoming more and more popular. Especiall with Eharmony and personality tests. That can kind of help you "cheat" by finding someone who fits your exact personality. Just a suggestion.

Answer 6

Well, the most standard reason is that you are not ready to settle down just yet. And that when you are you will find a guy that you don't lose interest in.

And in regards to the sexual attraction make sure to mix it up and not keep doing the same things all the time.

Answer 7

One possible solution is to delay having sex until you've spent more time with possible b/fs. This is why: often, it's not until after the limerence stage that you realize you're just not that into someone. But, for women especially, they feel that they MUST make it work since they're already sleeping with them.

If physical intimacy is put on hold until you're sure there is emotional intimacy and a commitment, you may find that you're more clear-headed when it comes to choosing a partner.

Read up on limerence.... you may recognize yourself in the pattern.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I'm your male counterpart. I would meet a woman, swear to God she's the one, and then after a few months of loving fast and hard, I lose the thrill. Im a Saggi, so that wasmy excuse, but maybe people like us like freshness and variety. Or maybe, we are deathly afraid of commitment, which means monotonous-ness

Answer 9

I can honestly say that I can totally relate!...lol...As for me, I had to sit back and evaluate myself and exactly what I want and need in a relationship...I had to be more careful in beginning relationships..making sure that the guy was really who I wanted....also I had to make sure that I was even TRULY ready for a relationship...sometimes we need to get ourselves together first before we try to make things work with another person...

Answer 10

Sometimes I feel kinda like this. I feel 'is there someone better for me out there?' When I have a wonderful bf that I love very much! I dont know whats wrong with me either....