Why do parents want to control ur life so much?

Question

Im 38 yrs old and my mother still wont let go. She trys to tell me what to do and how to live my life.....and critisses me. Ive always been the black sheep and given up trying to please her. I know she cares, but i just want to live my own life and not have her on my back about everything i do or not do........plz help.

im a mother of two and i have been married and seen a bit of life. Im not perfect but there seems to always be competition between me and my three sisters, "look at how well they r doing", "she brought a house" "shes been to uni and earning x amount of money". This is constant remarks made to me. Im going back to college and trying to be a good mother and daughter, for myself and my children.
thanks for all the good comments, keep them comming!

Answer 1

38 years old? You are old enough to make your own decisions in your life, you are growing up and are your own human being.

Parents tend to be "controlling" at first often because they feel they have lots to share to their child, to teach them about the world. You already understand it is only because she cares about you, and perhaps she just doesn't want to let go of her baby for you.

At the end of the day though, I honestly feel you need to sit down with your mum and talk to her about how you feel, rationally and calmly, and express that you are your own person. You need your own Independence, you also need to learn your own life skills and be your own person, and you need to break away from your mum to find your own identity.

If she loves you enough she will let you go more, it'll take time, but she'll let you go. Which will help with your relationship a huge amount with your mum. If she still doesn't step back then you may have to force your own way away from your mother to forge your own life. She may have trouble with it at first, but you need to explain you need to make your own life.

Hope that helps, best of luck to you

Toodles

Answer 2

You have to cut the apron strings, mums little boy you will always be but some time you have to fly away from mum and get your own life. I say don't answer the phone don't go round and don't tell her everything from now on and by everything I mean anything. You are a big boy now and your mum needs to learn that, a trick my partner finds handy is yes mum I will take that to in consideration and I will think very hard about what you said then you go and do what you wanted anyway.

Answer 3

I'm 49 and my Mum tells me what she thinks I should do and I just say yes Mum, I have 2 adult children of my own aged 26 and 28 and I don't ever tell them what to do, if asked what I think I will tell them, there are times when I don't agree with what they do only it is their life and their mistakes and let them get on with it, I find that the less said the better only they have told me I have a look that can kill so sometimes that's enough.

Answer 4

my parents are the same. i think its what they do. maybe she's trying to spur you on into bettering your life by throwing these comments in about your sisters. it is harsh tho, you not exactly a child, do what i do, nod and smile and ignore it. let it wash over you. i once asked my mother for a loan to move out of a house i was living in with the father of my three kids, he was a total **** and she kept asking when i was gonna leave, would she lend me the money? no! i had three jobs in the end and didnt have a day off in nearly a yr to save to escape him, then she walks around spouting how she gave me the money to leave!!! bloody parents! the only thing you can do is make yourself happy, as long as you are then her opinion wont matter. after all, its your life your leading not hers. let her fawn over her other daughters and leave the pressure on them.

Answer 5

Because she just doesn't want you to make the same mistakes as she did maybe? Or she wants to vicariously live her life through you? My Mum always tells me what to do & I'm 28 years old but in her case I think she means well :/ Stand up for yourself with her. Try it. It might help.

Answer 6

I'm about the same age as you and the black sheep

My Mum still worries like hell over me and my sisters especially when she watches the news, crimestoppers etc.

She's backed off from fussing over me coz I've proved that I can cope in the big (nasty) wide world on my own.

If she didn't fuss over me I would start to wonder if she still loved me I suppose

Hope this helps

Good luck

Answer 7

Parents always want more for their kids than they had at the same age. So they try to steer their kids away from making the same mistakes that they did.
Try to see it from their point of view. They love you & want the best for you so cannot help pointing out pitfalls they know are coming because they had to deal with them as well.
Try to be patient.

Answer 8

I really feel sorry for you, having a mother with that attitude. My parents were always there for me and supported me all my life - and, God knows, I tried their patience sometimes.

You seem to have your life nicely together. Just grit your teeth and try not to let your mother grind you down.

Good luck!

Answer 9

You can not control her, you can only control yourself. What yuo call 'criticize" she calls "helpful advice". So when she wants to tell you what to do, you need to come up with one succint answer that you can use each time, such as "Thank you, I will take that into consideration", "I appreciate your thought, I will think about it". Do not react to what she is saying, just remain calm.

Answer 10

oh boy,i too am the black sheep,getting my sisters great life thrown in my face,huh its me whose got a wonderful son,a loving partner,and the best life i could ever wish for,life for you and your family,im sure you can without your mother,let her come too you,,,,,good luck xxxx