ok I met a great guy about 6 months ago. He was an ex drug user. I have never done drugs so I don't know sign of drug use. I love him more than anything in this world but, I can't get over the fact that he may be using again. When I first met him he didn't drink and now he is drinking everyday. I don't know if I should leave because I don't trust him. I want to talk to him but I am scared to do it. What do I do?
2007-04-23 07:20:49 · 22 answers · asked by StephanieJJJ843 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
this is not hus relationship it is both of yours and so you both have a say in what is done through the relationship you should never be scared to go to him and talk to him . because he has been on drugs it is always an easy path to go down again . he needs your full support and attention this is something that HAS to be bought up before it goes to far and his secret (if he has one) gets to much. you can bring this up in conversation talk about his past its not something that should be shamed this might just break his shell into telling you something. once addicted always addicted and the drink issue needs to be addressed also. get this guy told the right way dont shy away from it ... it will get worse
2007-04-23 07:27:38 · answer #1 · answered by donna k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell it to you straight honey. He is probably using again. I am in the exact same position with my man. You need to decide how important it is to you for him to not do this. Are the drugs he is doing hardcore drugs or just smoking marijuana? Because if you tell a user that your relationship depends on him not doing the drugs, it will put a lot of pressure on him. He will either quit or do it in secret, which seems to be what he is doing now. Users often need something else in place of their drugs as well, another addiction. In most cases, it is alcohol. Being with a user is a very hard thing to do. The only way to be able to stay with him and trust him is telling him you are ok with his usage and letting him do it in front of you rather than hiding things from you. The problem with that is then they think its ok anytime and they go out and do it with their friends and they get high and instead of coming to pick the kids up from school or walk the dog, they fall asleep or lose track of time in a serious way. They want to keep their high going and that is all they can focus on.
However, do not get me wrong, it is possible to get a user to stop. They can get clean and stay clean. But the user has to want it just as much as you want it. It takes time and patience and there may be relapses. You may even need to find professional help which is usually the best way. But if he is the right guy for you and you think you might have a chance, sit down and talk to him. Tell him how important he is to you and how important him no longer using is to you as well. If he feels the same way about you as you do about him, he might be willing to get help.
Good luck and I hope you find your one true happiness!!
2007-04-23 07:34:50 · answer #2 · answered by ashzambuto 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi!
As an x-drug and alcohol addict I can talk to you frankly about his problem. A lot of drug addicts turn to alcohol when they stop using. We call it addiction transference. It usually leads the person back to their prefers drug in the long run. The fact that he is drinking on a daily basis is already a major symptom of alcoholism.
You on the other hand need to look at your problem which may be co-dependency. If you wish to stay with him for a while I would suggest you take a good step back and do the things you need to do for your own good. (friends, activities, family ....etc) In other words get centred on your needs and stop being centred on him. He may not stop for years yet !!!
I know what I am talking about. When he does stop it would take at least a year or two to build confidence in his capability to stay sober. Do you really want to wait that long with all the risks involved? If you do, ask yourself Why??
Research co-dependency on the net and see if you identify with the problem. You may need help with this behaviour which is to complex to get into here so briefly.
You are not obliged to love this person. Be aware that you are making choices and seek guidance if necessary.
Good luck , and get in touch with me if you would like more info. BTW, if he is using , you can't trust him! Sorry !
Take care ............KevO
2007-04-23 08:03:14 · answer #3 · answered by KevO 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!
Drinking doesn't = drug use, but drug users often swap one addiction for another. Be careful...and if you can't talk to him about this, what kind of relationship do you have? Without COMMUNICATION part of your relationship foundation is missing.
Would you rather talk to him about whether or not he's using...or not find out until something tragic occurs? I've seen what can happen...money stolen, car stolen, in and out of rehab, heavy drinking, lying, and the list goes on.
Even if he's not using, is being with an alcoholic acceptable to you? What's he hiding from, that he feels the need to use drugs or booze to get away from it? He needs help sweetie...his journey to get clean isn't over yet.
2007-04-23 07:27:35 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well,if he's not doing it now, with the everyday drinking, it won't take long for him to get drunk enough and want to do some. If you don't trust him, you need to be real careful. Don't be scared to talk to the man you love, you deserve to know. But realize he may not tell you the truth to get you to stay. This comes from lots of experience going on at this moment.
2007-04-23 07:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by honeychild 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people trade on addiction for another. And unfortunately it doesn't matter how much you love them, until they are willing to accept help and until they reach the point that they want help, they won't stop their addictive behavior. I know you want to help him, but sometimes it drags you in to far and you can't let that happen. There isn't a good answer because you do love him and it is tragic to watch someone harm themselves through alcohol or drugs. The mood swings are enough to drive a sane person crazy. Maybe its time to let him work through his problems, let him know you are there for him, but take yourself out of the equation, just for your own peace. Good luck
2007-04-23 07:29:37 · answer #6 · answered by Sun R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you seriously suspect that he is using again, you need to sit and talk to him. Actually, you should do that because of his drinking. Ask him point-blank if he is using again. Tell him that his drinking so much makes you nervous.
If you are afraid to leave, there are people that can help. There are women's shelters that will help you get away and get a new life started.
Good luck!
2007-04-23 07:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by Trisha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is using and only if then it would be wise to address him NOW because it could get alot worse and then it might be TOO late.
because believe it or not I've been friends with some users and u'd be surprised how many things they'll give up just for one more hit or drink or whatever.
2007-04-23 07:26:13 · answer #8 · answered by whineyviney 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already know the answer to your question. It's time to leave and move on. What he did was use alcohol to replace the drugs. He feels like he needs something to fill a void in his life.
2007-04-23 07:25:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
if ur boyfriend is slow at doing things then he is using drugs again! my friend smokes weed a lot, and i will admit that i have smoked it with him, not because he forced me 2, but because i wanted 2! and when i watch my friend do things i can see that he is kinda slow, but if he does not smoke it for a week then he picks up on his speed! but im ok with his smoking weed because no one is perfect and i smoke it sumtimes but not as much as he does! i sumetimes tell him to slow down on it because i care or him 2! just ask ur bouyfriend to be honest with u then ask him if he is using again and try to help him out of it! if that does not work, u should get out of that relationship because x-users tend to get mad fast and they also tend to attack!!!!
2007-04-23 07:40:36 · answer #10 · answered by iluv_rock_n_roll2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋