Chief Bridesmaid Dilemma!!?

Question

My friend is getting married this time next year.
She has 5 bridesmaids (she asked me be chief) in total and a flowergirl.
She asked us if we could put towards our own dresses because she on a tight buget and now she is saying to pay half or above - the full amount if we can.
Aswell as that, she asked me stay in the hotel with her the night before the wedding and then I have stay there wedding night too - which I have to pay for.
She also wants us to buy our own shoes.
Do you think is fair? Is it normal for a wedding?

Answer 1

I think it is just polite to contribute to some of it, i didn't expect any of my bridesmaid to do it but some people do but a wedding is an expensive thing but in my opinion she is asking for a little too much. I personally wouldnt ask someone if i couldn't afford to pay for the dress myself. I think it is fair for you to pay to stay at the hotel on the wedding night, if the wedding is out of town and you cant get home. I know some people who have been bridesmaids and bought their own shoes but this seems a little unfair, if she couldn't afford all these bridesmaids dresses then maybe she shouldn't have had so many.

Answer 2

It's normal, but it seems like she is being a little demanding asking you to shell out all of this cash, and chances are all you'll get out of the deal is a dress you can wear once and maybe a $40 gift. If this is something that you can't afford then I'd aplogize to her, but tell her that although you'd love to be her bridesmaid, it's just not within your means. As far as staying at the hotel with her, well what do you get in return? Not really anything. As a bride, I have bought my dresses for my bridesmaids. They are getting less expensive dresses than they would have if they bought their own, but then again, they don't have to shell out that cash. I'm guessing that she is wanting you guys to buy overpriced dresses as well? My bridesmaids are treating me to a spa the night before the wedding, but then again, like I said, I'm paying for their dresses, shoes, and hair. As for staying at the hotel the night of the wedding, a little unreasonable. You hopefully won't see her anyways if she does the traditional "wedding night" with her new husband. If you do decide that you can pay all this money to be her bridesmaid, I'd put my foot down and tell her that you are staying home the night of the wedding. You are already expected to do alot for her as it is (help with invites, help set up the wedding, help her get ready, etc.) she is asking a little much out of you! Good luck with whatever you do!


Edit: I do agree with the others, why the heck is she having 5 bridesmaids if she is on such a tight budget? Is it because the more she has, the less she has to spend on a hotel for herself?? I'd look into it! If she can afford to pay for half of 5 dresses, she could probably afford 2 full or most of 3 dresses.

Answer 3

This is all a bit much, your going to end up spending out a fortune, my brother got married and i was a bridesmaid. I had my dress bought, shoes and jewelry, We got ready on the morning of the wedding in his wife's mums house and we had hairdressing appointment and I had eye lash extensions all paid for. She had a girl to do our make up that was paid for too. My little boy was the page boy so they paid for his suit, honestly i never spent a penny, its the third time I have been a bridesmaid and I have never once paid for my dress. I have had to buy my shoes twice, which i didn't mind as i bought shoes i would wear again.
I think your mate has a cheek, if i was you I would tell her you can't be bridesmaid as you can't afford it, you will most properly have more fun as just a guest.
You say she has a tight budget well why has she got 6 bridesmaids and why is she staying in the hotel the night before, weddings are not cheap, my brothers cost 19 thousand, but I never spent a penny.
Don't forget you have to go on the hen night, buy an outfit for the hen night and buy a wedding present.
I think she is taking the piss

Answer 4

I'm sorry but this is completley unfair if she is on a tight budget then she shouldnt be having 5 bridesmaids, it is up to her to pay for everything and in my experiences through watching people get married + having friends get married the bride has always done this. you should be out straight with her as i'm sure there will also be a hens you will have to go to.
Just tell her you will put as much to your dress as possible if you really have to and that you cannot afford to stay with her the night before the wedding. if shes such a good friend she wouldn't of put this burden on you in the first place and she should certainly understand.

OMG i'm just reading other peoples comments i cannot believe people actually things bridesmaids should have to pay for there own dresses i live in Ireland and have never heard of such a thing being done. you are asking this person to do you the honour of being your bridesmaid not for her to pay for her own dress etc would you think the men have to do the same eh no...

Answer 5

No I don't think it is fair. Where I live absolutely everything for the bridesmaid(s) are paid for by the bride, including hair, make-up and trials AND the bridesmaid(s) receive a thank you gift. However, from reading postings here before I appreciate other areas and countries do things differently. Fair enough. In this instance sounds like your friend is 'wanting her cake and and eating it'. Could understand if you were the only bridesmaid, she didn't have the funds and wanted you to contribute towards to things but seems a farce she is having 5 bridesmaids and a flower girl, surely what she will hopefully contribute towards costs would have been better and more thoughtful spend on one or two bridesmaids? Friend or no friend do not get yourself in to a situation you can't really afford. If you can afford it and really want to be bridesmaid fine but otherwise be honest with her.........after all she is covering herself telling you how tight a budget she is on.

Answer 6

I think traditionally the bridesmaids pay for their own stuff.....but saying that, I'm paying for my bridesmaids dresses/jewellery/hair/makeup. They're getting their own shoes etc.. and paying for their own room if they're staying at the hotel. I can understand it from the brides point of view, in that she needs to keep costs down, but she's also got to realize that she might not be the only one on a budget!! Yes it's the brides 'big day' and she should be able to get what she wants, but I'm sure that she would try and be more reasonable about it if you (or a couple of you) gently explained to her your worries and that you were finding it a struggle. You may be able to come to some compromise! Good luck!

Answer 7

OK some people are saying you should pay for all of it, some people are saying none of it, I think it's a UK vs US thing.

In the Unites States it is customary for a bridesmaid to pay for her own dress, hair makeup, everything and the bride would supply for the flowers and give her a gift.

But it sounds like you're in the UK, where its customary for the bride to pay for the dress and shoes, and it's actually quite rude to ask the girls to pay themselves (especially if she is having 5- she doesn't need 5- that's outrageous!!) So yes I think it's incredibly cheeky to ask you to contribute half the cost of your dress, when she could have just had 2 or 3 bridesmaids and paid for them herself.

I do think you should be expected to pay for the hotel, but I think that's the only expense you should incur and you should be able to decide whether you stay one or two nights! If she's asking you to contribute to the outfit, you are perfectly right to say you are sorry but can not afford two nights in the hotel.

Answer 8

I loved reading the answers to this question!
There is quite obviously a UK/US divide to answering it! Coming from the UK I agree that it is normally not the bridesmaids responsibility to contribute to any of the costs, after all, it's the bride that has invited you to be her bridesmaid. I wouldn't want to have to pay for a pair of shoes or dress that I would only be wearing once unless it was my own wedding dress (which of course I did!). I never had any bridesmaids at my wedding because of the costs - I could never have asked someone to be my bridesmaid and then expect them to pay for it themselves! How rude!
BTW - 5 bridesmaids? no wonder she can't afford them! Who needs that many anyway?

Answer 9

Where I come from the bridesmaids pay for their own clothes and shoes ONLY if they are store bought i.e. all the bridesmaids are asked to buy grey etc suits which they can wear again but IF the dresses are such as they cannot be worn again (maid to order etc) then the bride pays. The bride also has to pay for the bridal party to stay in the hotel and everyone else pays for themselves.

Answer 10

Yep, bridesmaids are responsible for purchasing their own clothes for the wedding, shoes, etc.

On the hotel, that shouldn't be too bad, but I wouldn't stay there on the wedding night if you can't afford it. You 2 should split the cost of the room the night before the wedding, I wouldn't pay for it all.