would you mind checking my grammar or give any comment?

Question

In order to concentrate on my studying, I only did a few volunteers or paid jobs for short terms. For example, I joined the Terry Fox Run and school Basketball events; I helped to organize the store output in the Salvation Army-a second-hand store; I collected the fundraising money for Heart and Stroke Foundation; and sometimes, I offered a little help in my community’s women’s resource center and in my friend’s hair salon. From all these experiences, I learned the importance of problem-solving, customer relations-maintaining, and decision-making. Most of my study life, I lived outside with my friends, I learned the importance of caring, tolerating and independence. In addition to help my friends, I tutored Mathematics and baby-sited for more than three years. This helped me to develop my patience, circumspection, and imaginations.

Answer 1

As I needed to concentrate on my studies, I did only a few voluntary or paid jobs on a short term basis. For example, I joined the Terry Fox Run and school Basketball events; I helped to organize the store output in the Salvation Army second-hand store; I collected donations for Heart and Stroke Foundation; and occasionally helped out in my community’s women’s resource center and in my friend’s hair salon. From all these experiences, I learned the importance of problem-solving, good customer relations, and decision-making. During most of my student life, I lived outside with my friends, thus learning the importance of caring, tolerance and independence. In addition to helping my friends, I tutored Mathematics and baby-sat for more than three years. This helped me to develop patience, circumspection, and imagination.

Answer 2

(1) basketball need not be capitalized & use a comma after "events"
(2)after Salvation Army use a comma, not a hyphen & a period after store.
(3)after Heart & Stroke Foundation use a period.
(4)start a new sentence beginning with the word Sometimes,etc.
(5)I would say maintaining customer relations & no hyphen between problem solving & decision & making.
(6)babysat not babysited. babysat is one word.

**In your first sentence, I would reword it to say, "I held a few volunteer jobs & paid jobs for short terms.**

Answer 3

imagination..baby sat....and being independent(instead of independence) i only had a few vounteer jobs and/or paid jobs for short periods of time. I joined the Terry Fox Run and also helped out at school basketball events. Ina ddition to helping my friends...

It was really good! good luck

Answer 4

Baby sat instead of (baby -sited) I just glanced over and noticed this.

By the way...you're hired!