How is it possible, within a 4 month span, to lose so many people in your life?

Question

I quit talking to my grandma bc of things she did/said after my dad died.
My best friend quit talking to me in december due to a new boyfriend.
I quit talking to my brother because of his physical threats for not giving him $.
I just told my mom that I will no longer give her gas, cigs or a ride anywhere for not reimbursing me for my car that she wrecked.
My roommate/new best friend is moving 4 hours away.
I may be moving away without my boyfriend due to his laziness and lack of concern for anything or anyone.

How is it possible to lose so many people? Do people normally cut people out of their life to make things easier?

Answer 1

Sometimes we have to do things to protect ourselves, emotionally as well as physically.

I'm sorry your grandma was rude... that's too bad... but if you can't talk with her anymore because she was offensive, you are probably doing what is best for you.

Sometimes friends get so involved with their new boyfriends, they "forget" there were other people in their lives. It's nice to have a boyfriend, but your friend seems to have no other focus, if she quit talking to everyone else around her... when we have a relationship it's not healthy to give up everything else, for the sake of the boyfriend.. but you probably already know this.

You don't have to enable your brother and mother by letting them use you for money and cigarettes, etc. It's nice when we can help someone, but when they start using us, we have to take measures to protect ourselves. You can still have a relationship with your brother and mother if you choose.... you have set boundaries and they need to respect them....

Sorry to hear about your friend moving 4 hours away. I hope you two can still keep in touch through email and by phone... that would be a nice way to continue the relationship.

If your boyfriend isn't "good" for you, and you two have different life priorities, then you are probably doing what is best for you. Don't settle for just anyone.... you need someone who will pamper you and who has some ambition and things in common with you. Sometimes we have to move on.

Sometimes we go through phases in our lives which are not that easy, and it looks like you're going through one of those times right now.

I know things will start looking up for you, it might take some time. Meanwhile, do NICE things for YOU. Take care of YOU.

sending hugz your way!

Answer 2

Wow. What a lot you've gone through. Maybe it's time for a move and a new start. It appears your family takes advantage of you. Do you think you could be an enabler?
It took me years of therapy to realize that I was enabling my brother. I had already moved away so it helped me to redine our boundaries. I am able to have a relationship with him now that is mature.
People say and do the strangest things when they are grieving. That's why they tell you not to make any life changing decisions for a year after the death of a close loved one. Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on your grandma. Although I don't know what she said, not speaking to her is certainly the easy way out. But you don't need to stay in toxic relationships and they don't have to determine who you are. If you can't set boundaries and maintain them then move away and rebuild your relationships from a few hours away by letter and phone.'

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sometimes when you really want something from someone but can't get it (even if it's harmful to them), they tend to cut that person out of their life but only temporarily. Once they realize that the reason you've done what you've done was because you cared about them, they'll get around to it.

The most important thing is to try and talk to them quietly and explain why you're not giving in to them. If they still don't cooperate then just give them some time and space, they'll come about at one point.

Sometimes you seem like life's thrown too many obstacles your way and you feel as though it's impossible for you to move on. You just have to believe that you're doing the right thing and to be strong, it doesn't matter how long it takes them to find out that you care about them, just that they eventually do.

Hang in there! Try to think of the positive things in your life and don't concentrate on the negative!

Answer 4

Sometimes, it just seems necessary to cut people who are negative or harmful out of one's life. But I can see from what you have said, that you may have started to feel vulnerable and upset because of your father's death. That can trigger a lot of reactions that you might not normally have. Some things that you might normally brush off seem to have greater significance.

I would suggest that you seek counselling for all these losses to try to get them in perspective. I think you will find that you may not want to cut them all out of your life, but concentrate on certain relationships that are positive ones, like the friend who is moving. If both of you are moving, why not consider being roommates in that other town? I just mean don't throw everyone out.

And yes, I have cut friends out because if have felt worse after seeing them. As you get older, you just don't have room for people who don't have your back.

Answer 5

You should look at this in a positive light. When you loose alot of people in your life as you described, it is usually because you have evolved to a different level and need other types of people. Usually this is a very positive step in your life. You will change your environment completely, and due to your experiences, you will attract better people. When you have learned what you want from others, what you have to offer others, and what you want in friends, you start cleaning house. Sounds like this is what you are doing. Family is harder to accept, but sometimes you have to decide to make life better for yourself by breaking ties with the people that are not contributing anything positive. If your boyfriend is not standing side by side with you on this, then maybe its time to move on to someone better. Start by sitting down with him and having a good conversation about all of this. See how he reacts, listen carefully to his answers, pay attention to how he looks at you when he talks, and "feel" him. His body language and your "gut" will tell you what to do. Have a great life :-)

Answer 6

Some of us do, yes. It sounds like you are changing stages in your life and you aren't going to put up with bad treatment anymore. So I think the question is do I keep taking bad treatment off others just so I will have someone when I need people. My answer is no. In the end, you might be all alone, but we have an instinct for survival and I trust mine to find other people when I need help. I don't give my life up willingly to anyone unless I want to.

Answer 7

First of all--I know how you are feeling. My family uses me constantly. The only time my mom ever calls me is when she wants me to do something for her. I have never successfully cut them out of my life. I've tried a million times, but I always end up talking to them again. Maybe you will cut them out completely, but probably not. Second--I am so sorry about your dad. i can't imagine losing a parent, even though both of mine are idiots. I'd love to tell you that you don't need them, but emotionally you do. You need your family. This has helped me out a lot---instead of ignoring their mistakes and being nice so you don't have to deal with the drama--tell them what they do wrong. Be a *****. It's really helped my loser family let them know that they can't walk all over me anymore. Make them be up front with you. If your mom calls and beats around the bush like she's calling you just to talk, but you know otherwise--just say, "hey, what do you need--I have a life to live here?" As far as the boyfriend--you don't need him! Get a guy that will appreciate and help you--even if he's ugly and dorky--believe me you'll love him if you give him a chance! Get that non-caring dude out of your life--you have enough people that suck in it! Remember--stick up for yourself! They are doing this because you let them! Good luck and feel free to email me if you need anything else--jessica_leopold@yahoo.

Answer 8

Maybe you are young and having a difficult time getting along with your family, this is normal and when you are more mature things will be a lot better. Try to talk with your mother and whoever you are not getting along with and see what they are thinking and make your own decision. Your Grandma should not say bad things about your dad, it is not her place, when he died, tell her she was wrong. She had no right to say bad things, and you do not want to hear it. You have the right to your own thoughts and she is wrong. I do not blame you if you do not talk to her again, if you do not want to talk to her no one should blame you.

Answer 9

sometimes we have to take extreme mesures to save our own sanity although it is not easy to do so just lately i have had to cut my own son out if my life as he like your brother was demanding money from me that i did not have to give him and when i refused to give him any my son beat me up when my daughter found out she went beserk and reported him to the police she also told me of for not letting her know what her brother was doing to me so that she could have a stop put to it as she is my carer and my next of kin as i am disabled

Answer 10

Its okay its just your special way of dealing with stress. But try not to be so quick to judge, and don't push everyone away, remember you need someone to lean on. just tell every one how you feel and see if they change.