Do you think the way my b/f treats me is EMOTIONAL ABUSE?

Question

Okay my boyfriend is very picky about EVERYTHING! If he thinks yoiur doing something wrong, he will defentely not go through the day not saying anything about it.
Whenever I clean the kitchen or clean up the house and he's home, he stands right next to me and watches me so close. If I dont do it HIS WAY he will tell me how to do it, and if I go on doing it my way he will literally YELL at me and wont stop. For ex. the other day I was putting away pans, I didnt do it his way even after he told me how to do it, and he yelled and yelled at me, and said I do everything wrong.
If I accidently sit on the couch too hard he will yell at me and make a big deal about it, and tell me I need to sit gently so I dont ruin the couch, and then he says "You will understand someday when you have something to treasure".
I am 7 months pregnant, and if I eat then eat a little more of something he will say something like, "didnt you just eat", or "how can you b hungry still".

I feel like everything I do isnt good enough for him. He is so hard to please. I get so nervous when I am doing something and he is watching me. He also sometimes comments on my body image since I have been pregnant. Ive gained 19 pounds (Im 7 months along), the doctor says its fine, but my boyfriend said its not. He says their are 2 kinds of weight gain and mine isnt the healthy gain because I dont get enough exercise. Before being with him I felt so much better about myself. Is this emotional abuse or am I over reacting?

He has a son from a previous marriage already who is screwed up. Anyways..Yesterday I told him I bought some cute jean baby gap overalls. He looks at me and says "I used to get pissed when my sons Mom would put overalls on him"....How could that possibly piss him off? dont make sense to me.

Answer 1

Hi my name is Amy and I was in a situation several years ago just like the one you are in now. I was very self confident (not stuck up) just knew who I was and what I wanted till I met the man who changed everything. I am now 27 years old with a 7 year old son with that man. He mentally ,physically and emotional abused me for 5 years before I was smart enough to get out. I even took care of his 4 kids from when I was 15-21 and he still never appreciated anything I did . I cooked,cleaned,did homework,made lunches and all while I was pregnant. It all starts with the small things, then goes to yelling and hitting then one day you turn around and you have a black eye or a broken nose because you didn't do something his way and he over reacted and then it is to late your stuck and feel like there is no help or even no way out but there is always a way out you just have to be willing to take it. Even if it means walking away with nothing and starting your life over, He will say hes sorry and that it will never happen again but...... IT WILL!
I promise his promise won't ever be kept, He will continue to treat you the way he is now forever. If he doesnt cherish you now while you are pregnant then he never will.
if you need to talk email me @ [e-mail] I will help if I can.

*Bella*

Answer 2

You know what, I was the same way toward my husband about a year ago. When he threatened to leave me I had to do something. So I went to a therapist. Well needless to say it is not normal and at the time I felt like I was being abused (now I realize that is not the case). I have anxiety .I was so nervous and had to have things a certain way and if it wasn't or things didn't go how I planned I would be outraged and go off. Sounds like he needs some help. I think you should talk to him and tell him how he makes you feel and ask him what is going on with him. I think you are doing awesome 19 lbs in 7 mons not many people can say that is all they gained. I think doctors would be concerned if you had gained less. Well Congratulations babies are precious. I don't know if this is the answer but just sound like me one year ago. Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

I don't think you are over reacting. I would find it exhausting having someone tell me not to sit on the couch so hard as a adult. As a child we are constantly getting moaned at but can brush this off as half the time we don't listen to our parents. As an adult though this is harder to do, especially from your significant other. I think you really need to tell him how it makes you feel. He may not be doing this intentionally but it has probably become habit. Perhaps he is the oldest in his family and used to bossing his siblings around or if his job is one where he is used to things being done his way this can be an issue. A lot of people forget that you are on even settings at home and bring their work attitude which should be left for work. I think you are going to have to explain before you have the baby as it is going to be a learning experience for you both and having someone tell you what to do will really push you to your limits. I'm sure your boyfriend is a nice person he has just lost sight of that fact.

Answer 4

If you have to ask - then it's most likely true! You obviously feel emotionally abused - therefore you are. This guy has got some major issues - It might just be the fact that a baby is coming into your lives - which he may tend to be nervous about and perhaps is worried about the additional responsibility, or he's a major nit-picker which would drive me up a wall! Chances are, once the baby arrives he'll find fault with your parenting skills as well. Perhaps the two of you show seriously sit down and get to the root of the underlying issues.

Answer 5

What you are describing is emotional abuse. I am a licensed clinical social worker, and have worked with similar situations. I would suggest that you try to go see someone for couples counseling (he might not be too keen about it.) You could frame it by saying things aren't going too well between the two of you and you think going to talk to someone might be helpful. Very common for couples to need a little assistance dealing with issues from time to time.
A relationship should be fulfilling for both parties and it seems yours is not. You'll have to make a decision about the relationship. You really should not feel worse about yourself due to a relationship. The other thing to consider here is your soon to be newborn. Do you want your child growing up thinking this is the way relationships work? If you have a boy, do you want him to be like your boyfriend? The number one way we learn is through modeling (seeing what other people do) and your child will learn by watching you and the others in his/her life.

In any case, address the problem now. Talk with a counselor yourself to begin with, then possibly with your boyfriend. Then, do what's best for you and your baby.

Answer 6

Yup, this is definitely abuse. In a man's point a view, I would say that my wife or mother of my child is more important to me than anything else. If he does not treat you well now then he will not treat you better in the future. You should stand up for yourself and not be bossed around. It is an old custom to be submissive to the wills of the man of the house but abuse does not include that. I think that he is burdened with you being around the house. I wouldn't say anything like that to my wife. My wife is 7 months pregnant and I always tell her that she is beautiful and follow whatever she likes. Its the way that its supposed to work so there's definitely something wrong. I would suggest you to get mad and threaten him to move out. having a baby should be a wonderful experience and you should not stay with some who does not give you that feeling. Goodluck.

Answer 7

It is definitely Emotional abuse.

Take a moment to consider these questions. Your partner might have behaved as though these things were okay, even though it's obvious that they aren't okay...:

Do you feel that you can't discuss with your partner what is bothering you?

Does your partner frequently criticize you, humiliate you, or undermine your self-esteem?

Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

Does your partner isolate you from friends, family or groups?

Does your partner limit your access to work, money or material resources?

Has your partner ever stolen from you? Or run up debts for you to handle?

Does your relationship swing back and forth between a lot of emotional distance and being very close?

Have you ever felt obligated to have sex, just to avoid an argument about it?

Do you sometimes feel trapped in the relationship?

Has your partner ever thrown away your belongings, destroyed objects or threatened pets?

Are you afraid of your partner?

Some of these may not apply to you or your boyfriend, but if many of them do, you're being emotionally abused. If you'd like to read more about emotional abuse there is a good website for you to read. Incidentally emotional abuse often is more damaging and harder to overcome than physical abuse. Please think about getting out if this is happening to you. He wont be satisfied with abusing you only and he'll do it to your child too.

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Types%20of%20Emotional%20Abuse

Answer 8

Your boyfriend sounds obsessively controlling and yes, he is subjecting you to emotional/mental abuse. Normally, I'd probably say it's a relationship you should escape from but as you are 7 months pregnant you may not consider that correct as a first option.
Your boyfriend needs professional help to learn modify his behaviour, otherwise he's going to continue to be a very difficult partner and father to deal with. Right now, I can only imagine him getting worse when he has a baby to obsess over in addition to you.
If he's not prepared to seek help then you really should seriously consider leaving him, even if you are to be the mother of his child.

Answer 9

My god, you must be walking on eggshells all the time, he shows no respect for you,how you do things and who you are as a person, and you know the answer to your question, only thing is, you can put up and shut up ( is the saying), or tackle this as you should have done from the start, he has the problem ( not you) and he needs help.sounds like a control freak...
Why do you stay with such a person who belittles you in such a way,this is only the start,things will get worse unless you take control of it now. good luck

Answer 10

Most certainly this is abuse and it will only get worse, especially with a baby coming. Who died and made him God? He needs counseling and quickly before this poor child is brought into his world. A two year old learns by making mistakes and then getting things right as they mature and get better - can you imagine how your child will feel constantly being yelled at and told they do nothing right and not even being able to be a proper child with a proper childhood. May God bless you and be there for you in this difficult time for you. Good luck.