How much do most 3 year olds know about death???

Question

It really took me by surprise yesterday when my 3 and a half year old daughter, started talking to me about death.
She said, Mommy wnen you die, and I die, and Desi (my baby) dies then daddy and Justin and Chris (my sons) wont see us right??? I really diddnt know what to say, I looked at her and said, no sweetie but I hope that doesnt happen for a very very long time. I diddnt know what to say. Do most 3 year olds know what dieing is??? Im not even sure how she heard this, but it really makes me feel uneasy.

Well I dont think its something that 3 year olds generally worry about, shes 3 she shouldnt be thinking about death.

I said no, meaning no they wont, I was honest. I just added that I hope it doesnt happen for a long time.

Answer 1

I too am amazed at the questions. I think the best thing to do with children's questions is to answer what they ask when they ask it. Don't over answer it and don't load them down with "dogma".

Answer 2

Given that your child expressed no fear of death or apprehension (as if death were very near), the most pressing issue for you may be your readiness to share with your child. For the rest of your life your child will come at you with questions or comments (and other surprises): boys, sex, drugs or alcohol, I just joined the military, we decided to elope. Where you have prepared yourself with information and decisions about what you really want to say and impress upon your child, it will always be a lot easier. Speak the truth. Where you don't know, or have not had much experience, it is reasonable to say why you may have avoided going into it, or to say, 'I'll look into it, I am willing to learn!" Take courage from a line in a poem, THE TWELVE: Some men know more/some men know less/and no man knows it all. Where we will hold to our integrity, and speak from the heart, we can never give our children a "wrong" answer. We can only and always give them our best.

Grow in grace.

Washington, DC

Answer 3

I am more worried about the children who are protected from knowing anything about death until they are old enough for knowledge to come as a traumatic shock. I have met children whose parents won't even tell them the truth about plants dying, much less tell them where their food comes from or what happens to old people. Now that is setting them up for an awful shock when a friend or grandparent maybe dies unexpectedly.

A 3-year-old who is emotionally secure won't become morbid about death simply by knowing the little bit of truth that she can understand. She would only become morbid if something else in her life was worrying her, or if she perceived a deep emotional response to the subject on the part of her parent.

Last summer my younger son, then 2 1/2, learned that living things that don't move and make sounds any more are dead (he saw a dead bird). In his mind he was obviously exploring the concept, because he started saying that anything inanimate was "dead" (not very nice for my mother, since my father had died 6 months previously!). So I had to teach him the difference between "dead" and "inanimate" (which he mispronounced charmingly). Some time after that, he would threaten to "die!!!" if he didn't get attention when he wanted it, but it came and went, and I have no reason to feel that he's less mentally healthy or less happy for knowing that living things don't last forever.

When my father died, my first son was 4. I remembered being left out of the funeral of my own grandfather as a child, when I would have understood more than I was credited for, and I made sure Michael knew what was happening. Of course we got some odd questions from him, but I answered them calmly, honestly and confidently. If we had tried to protect him, it would have been a scary secret on his mind.

We have never let our sons have toy guns etc, but the older one only had to go to one "pirate" birthday party last year to immediately learn all about pointing sticks for guns and shooting people dead. Of course he was "killing" his little brother, which caused some fights, but if we'd given it too much attention it would just have gone on for longer.

Answer 4

My girls knew of death and I usually tried to bypass this subject. But they were 4 & 5 when my grandma died and they were btoh close to her. I had a lot of explaining to do then. They understood in their own ways. Now when it thunders, they think she is bowling or playing baseball, when it rains real hard, her bath overflowed. They both still seem to remember everything about her and her wake. I did not let them go to the funeral. And we still visit her grave once a month, sometimes more, depending on their requests. In some ways, dealing with death with the kids is easier than an adult dealing with it. They just think you go to Heaven when you die and you are all right again once there. She was horribly sick and they know there is no more suffering, and they love that fact.
So how you choose to talk to your son about it is your choice. If you want to blow it off, your choice. I honestly don't know what I would tell him. He's too young to worry about it, but he's old enough to understand some parts of it too. Just don't let him dwell on it as a whole.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Answer 5

it is nothing to worry about and I feel you handled it perfectly. You were honest, loving and didn't flip out or ignore the questions. My children have asked about it and especially after Easter we talked about Jesus dying on the cross and my 3 year old said "Yeah, and we die we will come back alive just like Jesus." I had to explain that we will but not here, in heaven but we must keep Jesus and God in our heart. My son is 4 and doesn't ask as much as my daughter. ( She asks more questions about everything, though!) When she asks I explain it to both of them. It is very hard to know exactly what to say but I respond truthfully and always tell them we can live eternal life in heaven.
Then we change the subject!

Answer 6

He wont quite understand...... I merely misplaced my grandmother at age 34 and that i nonetheless am having a stressful time managing it..... He wont quite bear in mind her in some years considering the fact that he's so youthful......i'd propose getting a vidoe, tape the two considered one of them jointly....... permit her make a private tape to him...... conversing approximately how muych she loves him and what his beginning ment to her... ect. it is a few thing that he can treasure for a life-time, even regardless of the undeniable fact that she would be long gone.... Take a lot of photos, those will propose alot to him in a while to boot..... My 6 and 15 twelve months olds took Grams dying very stressful even regardless of the undeniable fact that they understood she became quite ill ( cancer)

Answer 7

Who knows where she heard about it, or what she's thinking, just keep on answering her questions honestly and in words/ideas that she can understand.

My kids knew about death at that age, on various levels, as we had some pet deaths & some deaths in the family. It's a natural part of life, it's not that unusual that they seek an understanding of it.

Answer 8

Children know about death but in a different way to us. All children are different and each child looks at it differently. My 5 year old son thinks that you die but you can just wake up again when you are ready!!!!!

Answer 9

My 3 year old daughter has asked about it also.. Going to heaven, being alone, not seeing so and so... etc. I think it's normal, they are curious and want to know. It's better to tell them the truth, because it could happen at anytime and they will be very confused.

Answer 10

I think she was watching some sort of TV show which peaked her interest and she was wondering more about it from you. Kids can see spirits around your house and see things that us, adults may not be able to see. However, they really don't know about death per se because they haven't experienced it (at least not in this life).
As a mother, just monitor what she watches on TV or what people are telling her - be more aware of what's going on around her at all times.

Answer 11

My daughter (just turned four) has been talking the same way. I want to cry when she starts talking about it. I think she thinks about it because we've talked about Jesus dying on the cross (Easter). I know she is okay with bugs and fish dying...she gets the gist that you can't bring them back. Sometimes she's worried about me dying and gets sad. Breaks my heart. I give answers like you do..and change subject!!!