Brief story, met a guy around 5 months ago, we gelled right from the start we were like best friends as well as seeing each other. We bonded very very well especially on a intellectual levels we would be up all night talking for hours. But discovered this guy is a classic commitment phobic that finds a relationship a severe threat to his freedom and says that he just isnt ready to settle down yet for his own personal reasons he works long hours during the week and never even really has the chance to see his daughter. I of course wanted a relationship and he suggested that we take a step back and remain only friends (without sex) as he couldnt give me a relationship or any commitments at this present time. He said he feels that I am a very articulate, intellegent, good looking girl with a heart of gold, but just isnt looking for a relationsip at this stage. So we have only remained close friends for the past couple of months -sex has not been involved. Is it ok to keep my options open?
2007-04-22 23:12:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
and if yes to what extent? should I let him know this or not. Should I just go on friendly dates to what extent. I dont want to boast that I am dating others as he might go out on a lim and do this especially because I am.
I still want to keep this guy in my life, and to take each day as it comes, also I feel that if I do date other I wont focus my love life on only him, which will enable him to have his space. What do you think should I stay friends but keep my options open aswell?
2007-04-22 23:12:37 · update #1
You two don't have a committment, you have a sort of friendship, so to me there is nothing wrong with you choosing to date others. And good on both of you for saying if there's no committment there's no sex.
I would be weary of holding a flame for someone who isn't ready, and may not ever be.
2007-04-22 23:21:55 · answer #1 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd be foolish not to keep your options open. Actually, the only option you have is to keep your options open, unless you really like unrequited love.
He's been honest with you, and you need to believe what he says. This means, you date and do whatever you want.
My only rule with my committment phobic guy friend is, I never discuss sex. Whether he's getting some or I am, it is not a subject for discussion. I know who he dates, and we discuss his dates but whether or not they do the wild thing (or I do) is not in the list of topics.
He's been wonderful to bounce things off. When my last relationship crashed and burned, he was the one who really put my head on right about it.
So, close friends - yes. Options totally open - yes.
2007-04-23 06:22:24 · answer #2 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is keeping his options open so why shouldn't you? You have a friendship as you described and he stated he wanted. You are under no obligation to him so no need to even explain to him what you are doing. Commitment-phobics are not good relationship risks at all so it behooves you to get out there and see other people if for no other reason than self-preservation. Sometimes we encounter people of the opposite sex that are only meant to be great friends. It is to his credit that he recognizes that he isn't ready for a relationship and that obviously he highly respects you as he hasn't taken advantage of your feelings for him - so to speak. Cherish the friendship, yet expand your horizons.
2007-04-23 06:36:54 · answer #3 · answered by scorp5543 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if he can't offer you a committment, then I would definately let him go and go out and look for your other options!!!
A good example here, I had a friend who was dating this guy and he was just stringing her along for years! And she kept on staying with him, until one day, she got smart and they had a long talk and he finally admitted after all those years, he had no intentions of marrying her, so they broke up and she found another man, and they are now married and have two boys and are happy!!!
So, I would say have the talk and then after you find out what he wants, then find out what you want and the decision should be easy for you to make!
2007-04-23 06:18:36 · answer #4 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, keep ur options open. He was honest to tell u he can't commit. Believe him. Don't expect he'll change cuz he was very upfront w/you. He didn't play games. Until he can give u commitment, u are a free agent. U can still be as u two are but u really can't change him. He might come around but he might not.
2007-04-23 06:24:36 · answer #5 · answered by Amy L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, he loves you as a friend. He doesnt want committment. If you love him and he doesnt love you back the way you want it to be you'll get nothing but pain out of it. If you are willing to take that "hurt" inside you then its ok to keep loving him. But if you ask me, just let go of the feeling, isnt it nice if you find someone who will love you back. Committment is vital in a relationship, if cant give it to you, let your feelings go, of course it may take time. Let love finds you.
2007-04-23 06:26:00 · answer #6 · answered by laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was dating a guy and we got along spectacularly. He was a very nice guy but admitted himself that he was "dangerous to date".
He didn't do anything wrong, and i didn't do anything wrong. We had a good connection but he had his own issues and although we kept dating on-and-off, i soon realized that i was being strung along. Not with bad intentions, but just because he couldn't offer me what i wanted.
So i moved on, and now i'm in a great relationship with a guy who treats me very very well.
Bottom line: there are better men out there who are more compatible with you. Don't wait around for a guy hoping he will change his mind.
Go out there and knock em' dead.
2007-04-23 06:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by ChloeDee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course keep your options open! Why wait for something that may or may not happen. He made himself clear and cudos to him for being honest and knowing what he wants! That doesnt mean you have to wait around and carry a torch :) You go girl!! and Good Luck!
2007-04-23 06:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i sappost u should now treat him as friend only ur life Bcase & u should look for new bf to have a serious relationship with . he is stupid every relationship has its resposibilities if he can't understand just leave him alone.let him realised him on his own.
2007-04-23 06:21:58 · answer #9 · answered by dilu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another person he really does not love you if he really love you, he would committed. The other are excuses, perhaps when he sees you with another one he apreciates you more.
Athina.
2007-04-23 06:43:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋