What would you do about this?

Question

My 18 yr old is graduating high school in 3 weeks. She has been treating me extremely bad and shows zero respect. She refuses to help out around the house including cleaning up her own messes. Would you kick her out as soon as she graduates even though you know she is not mature enough to handle being on her own??? or would you just put up with the abuse and disrespect because you love her and do not want anything bad to happen to her? I have already put my 16 yr old in a reform school for basically the same problems. She comes home on weekends and acts just terrible. Before you JUDGE me, I am a good parent...not perfect but I try. I love my children very much.....I spend a lot of time with them...I give them everything they need. I have taken away, cell phones,cable tv in their rooms,taken away internet and computer. When they yell and cuss at me, I walk away and go to my room and close the door. I don't yell back. This is making me physically and emotionally ill.

Family therapy is already taking place once a week. The problem is, if they do not hink there is anything wrong with how they act, they will not change. Therapy only works when you want it to....most teens do not want it.

Answer 1

I wish you the best . Take a step back and think about the long run . Your daughter is probably stressed because of graduation and the beginning of adulthood. Sounds like teen-age rebellion also . Ignore clowns like Junelle . Bite your lip and hug them when you want to strangle them.

Answer 2

Hey settle down a minute----I know what they have done--do you know what you have done??? Somehow your kids have made the whole relationship adversarial--I mean a challenge. They were against you for some reason---therapy didn't mention that?? wellsomething made them turn against you and at the same time you have made them dependent on you. You gave them things and then took them away---probably done all wrong and didn't explain it to them. Dangle a gift and snatch it away. Well it's too late now---you need to put the 18 year old out--in 30 days after graduation---give her adequate time to get a job and set the deadline--and stick to it. There---now you can get on with your life. Start with changing the locks and do not give them a key. Then go on a nice weekend trip. Doesn't matter where--just go. Lock up your valuables in your house in case they break in. Join a club or two---go bowling. Take a night class. Buy a few new dresses and redo your hair---all the while smiling--and if someone asks where the girls are---say they are out and doing fine---that's it !! The weekend trips home for the other one----NO MORE !! and at 18 she can move her butt out. Your kids are filthy, immature, disrespectful, silly brats who needed a therapudic smack in the mouth a long time ago---too late for them now. Have a nice life after you rid yourself of them---and don't give in to the whining and crying. Get tough. Relax, smile and good luck

Answer 3

I would set my foot down, no matter HOW awfully they act in return... If family therapy isn't working... Then maybe kicking your 18 yo out after an ultimatum is issued, WOULD be the way to go. NO ONE, deserves to put up with abuse or disrespect, and I would also suggest individual counseling for each of you... to maybe help find out exactly why the dynamics are so bad within your family...
Si, I would kick her out after she graduates if you can't get through to her before then, that you will no longer tolerate anymore disrespect or abuse on her part, and that you expect her to do her part. You have a few weeks before she graduates... Put your foot down *now* and give her time to either, straighten up and fly right... Or she can hit the door after she graduates. Sometimes tough love works the best.
Good Luck! ::HUGS::

Answer 4

Hi Ericka,


Basically I want to start out by saying I'm 21. I was the exact same way with my mother. I disobeyed her and yelled at her and didn't care what she thought.

Once I graduate high school my mom kicked me out with no mercy. Man was that harsh.

I ended up having to learn on my own the hard way too. Now My mom and I are best friends. I completely understand what she went Thur. (I was really bad)

Now she's really proud of me. I'm very responsible, live on my own, Successful, plus beautiful. So In my book kick her a*s out she'll thank you later.

Good Luck
Betty =]

Answer 5

Perhaps you need a different therapist-Sounds like the one you have is not getting through. Where is their father? Is this just rebellion? Whatever you do stop enabling them. So many parents actually enable their children to act this way. Maybe a little heart to heart talk and remember to listen to her and don't judge or do all the talking. Many children don't realize how their actions are hurting their parents and some really don't care. In the latter case it is almost impossible to change their actions

Answer 6

Ultimately, your children will do what they do; you are powerless to control them, coerce them, or manipulate them in any way. You have tried revoking privileges, and even imprisoned one of your children, to no avail.

However, that does not mean, you have to put up with their abuse. You cannot manipulate them; you can set boundaries. When you set a boundary, you draw a line in the sand. When the line is crossed there are consequences. Consequences that were carved in stone, prior to the crossing of the line.

It is essential that the consequences you impose, whether active or passive consequences, are ones you are willing to carry out, and don't have a greater impact on you then your children. For example, you could refuse to pickup the dirty clothes, they may throw about the house. However, the impact would be greater on you then your children. Alternative, you may take their abandoned dirty clothes and throw them in the trash. What makes setting, this boundary, or any boundary different, is that you don't care what the outcome is. You will be rid of the problem, because your children will eventually run out of clothes.

Recently, I told one of my children, if she continued to walk about the house talking on her cell phone, I would cancel her service. She stopped the annoying behavior immediately. My statement was not coercion or manipulation, because I didn't care about the outcome. I only wanted the annoying behavior to stop.

Wanton disrespect should not be tolerated by anyone from anyone, particularly from one's children in your home. If you love your children and yourself, you will draw a line in the sand. If the older one crosses it, you show her to the door, if the younger one crosses it, you leave her in reform school seven days a week.

The rest of the world, will not be that kind to your children. They are very likely to end up in one of the following three places: county jail, state prison, or federal prison.

Answer 7

My god woman you need to take hold of the reins quickly and NOW.. its already been too long that these teens are walking all over u.............. you need to shout and stand firm this is why they do what they do because you just walk away and retreive to your room..... HELLO . who's the adult here. who gave them life...... you did. remind them of this......... taking material things obviously dont move them so mat\ybe you need to VOICE things to them instead.. obviously they are just rebelling for the sake of it........ and it will be a long day if ever you find out why......get their father also to back you up and stand firm with you.. and family counselling is good but as u say it wil only work if they want it to. I know u can only take so much . but try as much as it is killing you not to give up...... all the best of luck.!

Answer 8

Stop doing the dishes,washing their clothes,cooking their meals,grocery shopping and tell them you give up just like they did.That will show them what the real world is all about,nothing is just handed to you, you have to earn everything including respect.It may get worse before it gets better but you have to be willing to go that extra mile.

Answer 9

even if you refuse or choose not to believe me.....you...the parent is the sole responsible for your children's misbehavior.maybe during their toddler years,everytym they do naughty things...you dont correct them.so they thought what they did is just right and natural just because you thought"they are children..."and their character built up over time until you cannot control it anymore.it is said in the ten commandments of GOD....."respect your parents".and if they dont....show your authority.spank them or hit them.let them know that you are the parent,you are the authority and they must respect you.it is their responsibility!!!!!do not be left thinking that if you do not hurt them it means you love them....thats not true.parent's role is to guide their children.you sometimes have to hurt them to make them realize that they are wrong and that they have to be corrected.im a parent also.its not too late.goodluck

Answer 10

family therapy