Should I ask her to marry me?

Question

I have only been with this girl for 4 months. But of all the women I have met or even dated, they never come close to how great she is and how good she is to me and I love her very much. I have been with women far longer than her and never felt this way about anyone. I'm not some teenager with a high school girlfriend, I'm in the Air Force and well into my 20s. It looks like I will be getting orders to another base in August in another state. I love her very much and we are both very happy. I don't want to lose her as she is the best thing I have had since I have been here the last 3 years. I never wanted to rush anything with anyone, but she wants to go with me and I don't want to lose her. Should I ask her to marry me? I don't want to lose her as she could be 'the one'. Should I leave without her or ask her? She doesn't know I am thinking about this but I feel she would say yes.

Answer 1

So you think she may be the one? Four months isn't very long to know whether she is really the one, obviously she makes you happy in many ways. Is it sexual? If it is, then that fits one of your needs, and as a young man, it is definitely an important one,

Sex will always be important but it won't be as important in a few years as other things.

I would write down a bunch of questions that mean a lot to me and ask her to play 40 questions. She doesn't even have to know that you are testing her to see if she is compatible.

Ask her about money, for example:

You just bought a scratch off lottery ticket and won a million dollars, what do you do with the money?

You have a toddler that is throwing a fit in the grocery store and won't stop screaming unless you buy her the toy she wants, what do you do?

Your unmarried and wild best friend, wants you to go with her to the bahamas with some people from work. Your husband is working out of town and won't know. You really want to go, do you go?

You're catholic and you're husband is protestant, what religion do you raise your children?

You only have $50.00 until next payday and you need to buy some groceries but would really like to buy a new pair of shoes. You have access to the petty cash box at work and you could buy the shoes and replace the money before anyone found out. What do you do?

Your ex boyfriend comes into town and wants to meet for drinks and a talk, do you go?

Your mom wants to borrow $5000.00, you know you probably won't see it again and your husband would be angry if you loaned it to her, but you feel conflicted because she is your mom and you owe her your life, what do you do?

You lost control and threw a shoe at your son, it missed him and hit the sliding glass door and broke it. You have it fixed before your husband comes home. Do you tell him what really happened?

You want to go to a concert but have to work. Do you lie to your boss and say your sick and go or do you ask for the day off and take the chance that you won't get the day off?

Is it better to tell a lie than to face a big fight with your friend?

You are pregnant and find out your baby has a congenital defect and will be horribly disfigured and possibly brain damaged, do you terminate the pregnancy or go ahead and have the baby?

You have three children and you and your husband are having trouble making ends meet. He wants you to go to work but you think you should stay home with the children, what do you do?

You need to ask your inlaws for money, but they have never liked you, do you swallow your pride and ask them?

Your son is arrested for shoplifting again. He is twelve and this is his third time. Your husband said if he did it again he would send him off to juvenile detention, you want to protect your son but don't want to lie to your husband, what do you do?

Your husband is having an affair and you just found out because you found a note she wrote him, what do you do?

You are attracted to your boss and one day while you are working, one thing leads to another and you end up in his arms. What do you do?

You live in a horrible neighborhood and don't feel safe, you don't like living there but your husband doesn't want to move because he is saving up for a home purchase. What do you do?

You make more money than your husband and you do more chores around the house too, you are feeling resentful, what do you do?

Your husband wants to wear the pants in the family and thinks that you should obey him even if you don't agree with him. What do you do?

Your husband has forbidden you to use the credit cards because you tend to overspend when you go out with your friends, you want to buy something to surprise him for his birthday but you need a credit card in order to get it. What do you do?


Anyway, this gives you a good idea of what I am getting at. You really need to know who she is financially, morally, ethically, religiously, politically, etc. Your values need to match in most cases for you to be compatible in the long run.

If you are not alike you will be fighting all the time and will have a good chance of being a divorce statistic. Better to leave without knowing if she is the one, then having a bad marriage and kids and wishing you had not made a quick decision.

If she is the one, you will agree with most of her answers.

Perhaps the last question could be: Will you marry me?

:)

Good luck.

Answer 2

Well, let's see, you've known her for four months and you won't be leaving until August. That means you will be around for another four months.
I know people who have great marriages who knew each other a shorter time then that when they married. On the other hand the more you know about someone the better chance the marriage has of surviving.
If you move and you want her to come with you then marry her. As a military person you know that you can't get base housing without a marriage license. Don't live with her. Numerous studies have shown that people who live together before marriage are MANY times more likely to divorce then people who don't.
I can't tell you what to do, of course, but the secret to staying married is that you make a commitment to not run away the minute things start getting rough (and they will) and the minute you don't feel that "magical" feeling anymore. Feelings are just emotions and emotions come and go.
Commitment is for the long haul, even when she isn't so nice, or doesn't treat you so well, or is sick, or, for that matter, you are all of the above.
Can you stick it out? Are you willing to work on it even when it's hard? Are you even willing to go through hard times to have the great times? If you are then you could potentially have one of those marriages that last forever and cause your beloved to be the center of your life and heart.
If you feel that she's "the one" then I'd go for it. Another one may never come by again.

Answer 3

I believe you have met her at this time for a reason. It may be that this is the future person for you. Be very sure this is what you want because it is hard to back out once you start. Get some more feelings from her to see if she indeed might be open to marriage at this time.
If she wants to remain friends, that is OK too. It just means that she may want to wait before getting in deep after only four months. There is no hurry. If you love each other, things will find a way of working out. I hope it goes in your favor. I also tend to think that one knows in less than four months how one feels about someone. Some people know it in the first five minutes, yet somehow don't get it together for another ten years. I say, get out there and make it happen!

Answer 4

Thats a tough one considering how things could or could not work out afterwards. The truth is it's probably better to wait because the true test of time apart will speak volumes. You are probably afraid of losing her by being away but true love will prevail if its meant to be. Talk things over as far as how long you'll be gone, how you will communicate in the meantime, etc. This will also help her see how your career will affect the both of you in the future especially if you are ever shipped oversees. If she waits for you, you know you really have someone special there that you can truly rely on the rest of your life. If she is "the one", you wont lose her.

Answer 5

You are in love and I think you will end up marrying her.
I'm sure she would say yes if the short amount of time doesn't scare her.
Most people knew they would marry their spouses a few months into it.
The problem with marrying after only a few months is that when problems arise, and they will, you will always wonder if you should have gotten to know her better. She will too.
Be grateful that you'll just be in another state and not another country. Can't she visit?
Love is great, especially the first year--enjoy this first year, don't rush into things.
I love my husband and knew I wanted to marry him right away, but marraige really takes alot of the fun out of it.
Lets face it, bills, cleaning house, yard work, going to work everyday, adjusting to living with that person EVERYDAY.
I wouldn't trade my husband for anything in the world, but when I'm upset with him, sometimes all I have to keep me going are the memories we made, and how great he made me feel before we were married.
We waited a year.
Congrats!, I'm so happy for you.

Answer 6

Ask her now and she can follow you there.I must say it seems a little rushed but if you are able to compromise and deal with change as in the way life changes when a man and woman share a house then it can work.Those changes may be anything from her sacrificing your beer can collection to dealing with pms when you get married things change .Sometimes for the better.Married people can be very happy if they are both committed to working on it together.Ask her some big serious questions about what she wants in life before you propose and see if they are similar to your dreams and if not can they be incorporated in to your life.Can you be supportive of her dreams even if they are very diffrent from her own?Best wishes!

Answer 7

Hey. I had only dated my husband 4 months before I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It took him another 6 months to pop the question, but if he had asked me then I would have said yes. We will be married 4 years in May! I say go for it!

Answer 8

Sometimes these things work out, just try not to scare her off.
Start laying the ground work for a proposal at least. Ask her how she feels about the relationship. Ask her where she sees things going over the next few months, year. Then you'll have some idea how ready she might be for a proposal. It sounds like you are ready, be patient and see where she's at. I wouldn't come right out and say "marriage" ... until you know she's ready to say it herself and hear it from you.

Answer 9

My boyfriend and I feel the same way about oneanother. We have only been together 4 months also. I just think that you should wait. My bf and I always talk about our future together and me being his wife. However, I am not ready to get married/engaged. You don't need to ask her to marry you in order to 'keep her'. Just talk to her about how you feel about her. She will not mind waiting (maybe even eventually moving state) for you if she feels the same way. It' a difficult situation and it sucks that you have to move away. I really hope it works out for you. Isn't it great to fall so passionately and amazingly in love..and for that person to feel the same?!

Answer 10

No, you should definitely wait. Four months is hardly enough to get to know someone well. Plus you are probably still in the honeymoon stage, that's why you feel everything about her is great. Don't settle down before you experience the ups and downs of a relationship.