What would you do in this situation?

Question

Here's the story. I have a stepson that graduated high school last year. He talked about going to a presitgious private university. We told him he needed to get his loans, financial aid, scholarships, grants all figured out before he left. He could have gone to the same calibur university here or the local community college here but he insisted on going near Chicago. My husband haphazardly told him if he insisted on this college he would have to pay for it because it's a LOT cheaper back home. He blew the loans time and time again and then came home at xmas and didn't mention anything about money. He went back to school in february and called his dad (my husband obviously) and said he needed 10,000 or they were going to kick him out of school. At this time he also said he was declined for a loan and lied about the reasoning. My husband sent him 10,000 and didn't tell me. I found a receipt on the table a month later that showed the transfer. I was upset that my husband didn't

tell me but I didn't say a lot because it's technically my husband's money. I advised him not to do it again because it's a waste considering what it would cost here. He agreed and sent his son a letter advising him to come home this summer and continue school here because he wasn't going to pay for his school and basically his financial support is shut off. I thought this was fair. My husband got a letter from him yesterday that said he was severing all ties and wanted nothing more to do with him. I was sooooo mad I couldn't see straight. My husband is a darn good father and has doled out money to this kid left and right. My husband doesn't seem all that upset, although the letter suggested we were materialistic, called my husband a jerk and an asshole. What should our next move be or should there be one? I have no kids so I'm not really sure. Thanks for your honest input!

OOPS.... I meant to say he blew the loan applications off time and time again.... not the loan money.

I should also add that when he comes back home he stays with his mother. AND, this little brat has only called twice since christmas. Once for $10,000 and once because he overdrew his checking account and wanted gas money on top of that to come home. $200. He got home and didn't even call his dad! His mother also tried to talk him out of this school. Thankfully we're in agreement with her.

AND, he turned down a job at college because it was at sears and based on commission. He only took three classes last semester!! UGH!

Answer 1

well i think the first thing I'd do is sit your husband down and say to him although it's technically his money - shouldn't that be something he should have told you in the first place? If he hid that from you, I'd have to ask what else he's hiding or if he's been lending his son more money on the side and not telling you. Obviously, I don't know your financial situation but I know that if my husband gave out that kind of money without telling me at least in passing, i'd be right furious.

As for his son, I'd also talk to your husband about his relationship with his son. What is the child going to do if daddy always bails him out? It's awful to say, but if he's staying with his mother and not calling his dad except for money, he really doesn't have much respect for his dad.

The best thing to do is if possible, let your stepson fall flat on his face and not pick up the pieces. I expect the son will learn fairly fast about lying, cheating and deception

Good luck!

Answer 2

What's done is done. You cant change that. But I would be REALLY angry with my husband if he did something like that. He broke a serious trust by sending the money and not telling you. Particularly if you have all your funds together. I would sit your husband down ask him to explain to you why he thought it was okay, after you had agreed to make him finance his own way.
I would consider having your step son sign a promissory note saying he will pay you back the money when he graduates or leaves school, which ever comes first. Don't expect to ever see the money. But just having him do that will let him know that you mean business.
Your husband needs to tell your step son that he made a mistake and he Won't do it again. The boy needs to know that it's not right to do things behind your wifes back (is this why he's not with the boys mother anymore??? because he's not honest??)

And I would wonder...what else is he hiding...perhaps it's time to so some snooping. But be careful. You might not like what you find....once a lier...always a lier...it's a bad habit. You might find out he's been doing this sort of thing for a long time.

Answer 3

So let the kid fall face first into the dirt, and when he comes home crying for a place to live, have him sign a contract that he will pay at least half of the 10k for school.

Then if he went back to school, I would go with him to financial aid and find out what he would or wouldn't qualify for.

But I can say from experience, if a student has been living under the roof of their parent for under 2 years, they look at the parents income to figure out if Jr. qualifies for any grants or loans.

Answer 4

Nothing to do at this point. Too much has been done already.
When his $10K runs out, I would expect he'll make contact with good ole dad. What happens at THAT POINT would be of great importance.