Problem in Married life?

Question

My hubby is getting more and more addicted to bad habits and is behaving like a mentally disturbed person. I have tried my level best correct him. Even my small daughter has tried..but nothing is working out. He refuses to come to the docter and if I consult the docter also he gets angry. Moreover he doesnot allow me to speak to anybody..by mistake also if he sees me smiling to anybody..he gets very angry and criticises me saying that I am trying to attract them. I am a marketing professional by work..and have earned a very good name for me in the company. Nobody suspects me..I have earned good name and also love and respect from my colleagues. But at home my life has become hell. As per Indian tradition daughters will get married and go to hubby's house. So these days I am always tensed up about my future once my daughter also goes off. My health has gone down very badly. Feel my life is over. Financially we are not at all sound....

Answer 1

What I can understand from your question you are quite mature lady with a daughter of or nearing marriageable age. I think your husband will not agree for any treatment at this age, it’s the persons own will power to give up bad habits & no medical treatment can be drained down his or her throat & force him or her to leave bad habits. What I can make out the bad habit you are referring here is an alcoholic to which he is addict & is unable to leave it. Don't worry he will give it up himself very soon if that’s the problem. I myself had been quite a big alcoholic till last August, just six months before my daughter’s marriage but left this habit just by my will power, no doctor's advice, no promise, and no commitment. If you force him for leaving any bad habit he won’t do it, let him himself realize it & definitely he will do so.

Answer 2

Though you have written a good deal about the feelings at your end, you have not mentioned about the 'bad habits'.

It seems you have more of an understanding problem. You are an Indian and you would very well understand that there are a few pre conceived notions about the husband-wife-relationship in India and you too seem to be the victim of the same.

I would suggest that you do not treat it as a case for the emdical treatment. Discuss and try to find out the reasons for his behaviour (how I wish I had details on 'bad habits') and then try to solve the problem in a mutually acceptable manner. Indian women are very strong willed and I know if you would try you are bound to be successful. Forget about your success in your office for a while. Remember that the families are even more important. Do it in a way to save your marriage and for the sake of your child do not consider the option to get separated. The mantra is - DISCUSS.

Answer 3

Ahhh, more guilt trips. Who is this guilt trip from - some church? Because you know every time you turn around some priest or pastor is banging a *****, blowing or cornholing a choirboy, hiring a gay transvestite hooker, screwing the church secretary, cheating on his wife, or creating a cult where polygamy is okay for men but not for women. They want you to do as they *say*, not as they *do*. Listen. Masturbation and thinking about *whoever* when you do it is completely normal, it won't go away after you get married, and it'll be the *only* thing that you'll have to help you out many times after you do get married and she's tired, not in the mood, whatever. So enough of the pollyanna "oooh it's so naughty" bullsh*t. Just do it when she won't see you or walk in on you - women can't know what the ugly underbelly of men's sexual practices look like or they'd never talk to us. It's your ****, your tissues, your KY, and your pecker. Rub one out whenever the coast is clear, and tell the pastor to shove that egg right back up the chicken, since he's probably effing the choir director or her 9 year old son.

Answer 4

The first thing you should do is to make your hubby very comfortable. Take a week leave and spend time with him and your daughter. Go out somewhere and after your convience that he is in a good mood ask him about his behaviour. make him understand his responsibility that he has a daugther to look after. And smiling at others does not means i am atracting others. I have been already attracted by you and you are my first and last love. Make him understand this that you and your daugther loves him a lot and if he has any problem than they are there to help him out and support him at every step
BEST OF LUCK

Answer 5

First of all you have to become very strong mentally.Take a harsh step just to teach him a lesson,leave him for some time.I have seen such people personally and can understand what you must be going through.If you feel that if you move out he will be wilder then try the opposite with lot of love and if you are believer of God....well its the FAITH that keeps you going positively.
But first of all strengthen yourself and try to calm down with yoga.Talk to him when he is in silent mood and make him understand and give him a deadlone that if he does not improve then you are bound to seperate in some time.

Answer 6

Probably you are the Cause!! -- for as a human you would only see and think that what you are doing is right!!

Or Probably you are not!! - There must be some other cause.

What you need is not a Doctor, you need is a counsellor an unbiased post marital counsollor and if it doesn't work then go to a psycologist.

Answer 7

You say "bad habits" ...

If you mean drinking, then the best thing to do would be to take help from Alcoholics Anonymous
http://www.aagsoindia.org

If he's on drugs then Narcotics Anonymous
http://www.naindia.org

In any case he seems to be in the grip of a progressive illness which will eventually destroy him and your family. My sincere suggestion is "Do not live in denial - Do not hide the truth from yourself . Do not live in the fear of people finding out ... in all probability, they know. Do not feel responsible or guilty for his behaviour. Take care of and secure your life first, he may take a while in recovery."

Most important of all, take help. I think you will get very good help from people who have been in similar situations and have coped wonderfully with it and are living happy, joyous and free lives. You can contact AL-ANON
http://alanonindia.org/

More power to you

Answer 8

All are having problems in the life,we should come out with good solutions on our own ideas,you must give extra attention to your husband and make him understand that life is for live.Alone sit and think how to tackle this situation you may get very good solution All the best

Answer 9

better divorce, him atleast u can feel relax a bit, because in marketing its dog job always day full of tension atleast for an hour u need relaxation, so i suggest u to divorse him. u earn u can manage u r only daughter then why r u living with him. dont worry every thing will be alright.its tought decision but dont bother about future it will ok.

Answer 10

In North America..this is called 'abuse.' It is not tolerated by either spouse, whether there are kids involved or not. His behavior will eventually extend to the child. If you are in Canada or the US, get out and find a shelter. There are many people willing to help, including the police. If he will not accept the help he needs, you need to protect yourself and your daughter by getting away. Good luck and know many will say a prayer for your safety. (Check your phone book at work for numbers to call for help)