i love him a lot and we have been thinking about getting married but i dont no cause he is 23 and i 16 is there going to be a problem ? me being with him? if i do get married its going to be in Mexico but when i come back is he going to get in problems??? plz help!!
2007-04-22 16:08:29 · 23 answers · asked by aggie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Any man that is 23 and is dating a 16 year old....meaning he has been dating you since you were 12 and he was 19 tells me that this guy is a loser and although you don't' like it he is taking advantage of you. He is holding you back...both as a person, as an upcoming adult and within life. Marriage would simply stop your life before it was even started. You need to become developed as a person, a woman and within a career or interest you love.
Move on, finish High School, continue to college and make something out of yourself. Be with someone that will treat you as an equal rather than as his personal toy. Not to mention that this whole ordeal is illegal.
2007-04-22 16:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by RandomChaos 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only sixteen and that is way too young to be talking about marriage. The biggest concern here is that you have been dating for 4 years which means he was 19 and you were only 12 when the relationship began. I think most people would have very serious concerns about a 19 year old man dating a 12 year old child. Depending on where you live, if sexual contact has taken place before your 16th birthday then your boyfriend could go to jail for a very long time. In some places even after your 16th birthday.
Not only should you not be getting married, you should be questioning why a 19 year old man would want to date a 12 year old. You're 16 now, would you date a 9 year old boy? The difference in age is very important early in life. If you were 26 and he was 33 no one would question anything but, you aren't. Be very aware of this guy you think you love, he is nothing but trouble!!!!!!!!
2007-04-22 23:41:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO! Absolutely not.
First of all, depending on the state you live in, he could be charged with statuatory rape because you are under the age of consent. But that depends on the laws of your state.
Secondly, taking a minor out of the country without permission of her legal guardians (parents) is considered international kidnapping and is a VERY serious offense. If you want him to go to jail, go right ahead and do it. But I'm guessing that's probably not what you want.
Third, a 24 year old MAN should have NOTHING in common with a 16 year old GIRL. He should be interested in women his own age. If he's not, he must have some serious emotional and probably mental problems. I'm not saying that to be mean...I'm telling you this from experience.
Fourth, you are going to change a LOT in the next few years. You should really wait until you've had a chance to experience a little bit of life before you settle down. Why not travel with your girlfriends first? See different parts of the country...or the WORLD....go to college and learn something you really want to know about, get a job and be able to spend your own money the way you WANT to...not the way you HAVE to because you're married. You have the rest of your life be married, but being a teenager is only for a very short time. ENJOY IT! THis guy you're with HAD his chance to do all this...you haven't. Why give it up.
IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU...HE WILL WAIT.
If you really love him, waiting won't change a thing.
2007-04-22 23:20:30 · answer #3 · answered by teacherintheroom 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you and your boyfriend go to Mexico and get married, your
parents can have it annulled, your boyfriend can be arrested
for kidnapping and International flight as well as statutory
rape, in fact if you have already slept with him he can be arrested for that right now. He could be in jail for quite sometime so considering that time you should wait 2 years until you are 18.
When I first met my wife, I was 23 and she was 16 1/2, we
waited until she was 19 because she didn't want to get
married until she was 19, by then I was 25 12/ we have 5 kids and have been married for almost 34 years (and counting).
If you really love him, wait until you can get married without
having him thrown into jail.
2007-04-22 23:25:54 · answer #4 · answered by justgetitright 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, of course you shouldn't . That's ridiculous, you can't legally be married at 16 in the US, which is where you live. Why don't you just wait 2 extra years and if you still feel liek you wanna married him then maybe you should get, and stay engaged for a while. I'm all for young marriages, but this isn't a smart idea. You won't know what you want in 2 years... just wait it out so it's legal HERE. The two years fly by... maybe yor entire personality or desires will change.
2007-04-22 23:18:22 · answer #5 · answered by LoveisfirE 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if anyone hasnt told you let me be the one to remind you of the fact that you are still a child.yes.being physically mature doesnt mean that we are ready to take on the big stuff.marriage is not going anywhere.sex is not migrating to another planet ..what you are missing out on is being you.the worst mistake you can do is to not take all that life gives you.you are not going to be sixteen forever.this is when you enjoy being sixteen.being young and carefree.you will never get the chance you are letting go now. whats the use of going all the way to mexico, get married come back and the minute you cross the border they put you two behind bars????why do you want to waste your life like that?you should be focused on getting an education and know what you want to do in the future..be an independent woman.i cannot begin to tell you how good that feels. being self sufficient.knowing that you can stand up for your self and dont have to rely on anyone for anything but yourself.think of all the people who would die to have a chance like yours...to do it all over again.dont wait to be there...wishing and regretting ...think about you for a minute. if that man loves you..thenhe will put your needs first.and your first need is to grow up from a teen to a young woman.no one can do that for you....so if you let it go...dont blame anyone else but yourself.goodluck.
2007-04-22 23:49:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I knew my ex-husband for 3 years before I met him. He changed alot after the marriage. I think you should give it a little time. Go to college first, or at least start a career first. I got married when I was 18, didn't go to school and I am 23 now with a child that has to survive on my own because I got married to young and I just wasn't mature enough or ready for it.
2007-04-22 23:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You were twelve when you got involved with him......he was 19. You were still a child, he, an adult. Lets not talk about the legal implications, lets talk about you.....a child who believes she is in love. At 12, you are just starting out on your journey of life. At 12, you are still learning about how to act...how to talk effectively. At 12, your hormones are changing.....so everything you are feeling right now, may not be love, but more like conditioning. At 12, he was probably the first man you were ever involved with. Please dont mistake thid dependence as love. You were 12 at the time.....a child, and he has had 4 years to mould you into the girl he wants. You were at an age where you were very vulnerable. I bet you are confused. I bet your emotions are all over the place.....why? It's because you havent had time to develop.....to decide what and who really makes you happy. A 12 year old child is incapable of adult love.....he has made you believe that you are. You are 16 now and you would be as confused as all hell. You need to seek out some counselling because what happened when you were 12 should never have happened and you need help to deal with this. I know you dont think of it like this, but this man used you, he sexually abused you and some would say he is a paedofile. Think about this concept very seriously. If he likes children, then what is stopping him from abusing other children, even after you are married. He obviously likes young children, so how is you marrying him going to change his preferences? Think long and hard before you even think about marriage and please, get some counselling. You need to understand that this guy stole your childhood and turned you into an adult too soon. Please, for your own sake go get some counselling. I would suggest you talk to a counsellor from a sexual assualt unit........she will explain to you what I am trying to tell you. You need to be allowed to grow up at your own pace...he made you grow up too soon. I can see a mass of problems in your relationship if you marry him. Be warned...you are in for a lot of pain and heartache if you go ahead with what he wants of you. You need to cut contact with him altogether and find out what life is really about.
Good luck...and please take what I am saying to you very seriously. You should have alarm bells ringing in your head right now.
Take care
2007-04-22 23:32:40 · answer #8 · answered by rightio 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
4 years. That means that you were 12 and he was 19 when you started going out. You need to grow up and find a boyfriend your age. Such a marriage, even if it took place in Mexico (and I'm not sure such marriages are even allowed in Mexico without parental consent) would not be legal in the States. It would be as if you were a gay couple that got married in Canada and then returned to the states, the marriage woul not be legal and binding. In most places anyone under 18 required parental consent and in some places the consent of a judge to get married, and I think your parents would be insane to give it. Get a life!
2007-04-22 23:16:24 · answer #9 · answered by Cybele 1 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Your current relationship is illegal.
That aside, neither of you is mature enough to marry. Your "guy" has been dating someone under aged for four years, which means he's risking going to jail. That makes him stupid. Secondly, neither of you has common sense to know where to go to find the requirements for marriage where you live. If you can't answer the questions you've asked here, that means you're going to have problems just dealing with the issues of day to day life.
You do not have enough life experience to make a rational, informed decision about marriage. He doesn't have enough not sense to date someone he could go to jail for being involved with. Have you lived on your own? Do you have a job? If he got sick could you support the two of you for an indefinite period of time? Are you on birth control?
Do you think I'm being harsh? Yes, because I'm hoping that you'll think about your situation and ask yourself if it makes any sense or is a good idea. Adults do this kind of thinking every day. No, you're not ready for marriage.
2007-04-22 23:27:11 · answer #10 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋