It happened with a girl in my workplce. She was considerably younger and lasted for months. What was supposed to be a one time thing turned into a nightmare. She became an addiction. When i didn't have her it was like a drug addict going through withdrawal sympoms. All the lies to get out of the house. Lies to both my wife and my kids. I couldn't deal with the guilt anymore which began bringing on anxiety attacks. I got everyone to lie for me and just couldn't do it any more. I told my wife everything. The news of course devastated her,the family and our friends. I have now sought counselling to deal with not only this matter but with personal issues as well. I ask myself everyday why? how? who have i become? I can't stand to look at myself. I am so embarresed about this and don't know if i will ever recover from this or shall i say we. I risked everything and now stand to lose everything. Please help me find myself again.
2007-04-22 15:47:49 · 32 answers · asked by rudeawakining 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You'll probably discover in therapy that there may have been a variety of reasons for what made you have the desire to cheat. Of course it's one's own responsibility to remain faithful and ethical in a marriage,even during hard times.
But on the other hand, your cheating was literally a cry for help. Obviously there's a lot of unhappiness going on even b4 u cheated. I believe your wife should be in therapy as well. What you did was wrong and you know it, but she's no angel either. And she isn't perfect. You can never put a 100% blame on anyone. maybe you felt like a part of your marriage was dying. I think if anyone says you were selfish, a certain percentage of this comment would be a copout as to really needing to take a look at the WHOLE picture, not just on your actions of cheating. It sounds like you learned a very hard lesson rediscovering your love for your wife and your family as well. They say that if a partner cheats, if the other is willing in time to forgive, and work it out WITH you, your marriage in the long run could become closer than you ever imagined. GOod luck, and I hope you have a great therapist
2007-04-22 15:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by deirdrefaith 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well he needs to not cheat. If the woman is truly the devil then maybe the kids should not be left with her. I know someone kinda like that. They both cheat though. They have been married and very unhappy for a long time. He should talk with her. She may feel the same way. If they get seperated then he can get a girlfriend and it won't be cheating. I think he should move out, but stay close and in contact with the children. The child support thing depends on the ruling for who gets custody, how much he makes, where they live and much more. He should look for a lawyer too I would guess. I wish I could help more.
2016-04-01 02:55:02 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well telling her was the right thing to do and it was a step in the right direction. Now you have to find out why it was you did it in the first place. Did you have a fight with your wife? Were you just looking for something different? Those are some of the questions you need to ask yourself. Once you do you can start looking towards changing the problem. She is feeling betrayed and alone right now. It may take some time before she can forgive you if she ever does. Us women can hod a grudge forever. If she does decide to keep you around it is going to take a long time for her to get over the fact that you were sleeping with a girl at work. I myself have never cheated on my husband or any guy I was dating, but I have been the party that was cheated on and I tell you it was difficult, maybe even mre so because he didnt show any remorse for what he had done and he continued to do it over and over even after I found out. Needless to say he is gone and our son together calls my new husband daddy (by his own will not mine). I'm sorry but I can't feel sorry for you. I feel for your wife because it means she will never be able to trust anyone the way she trusted you before she found out. I feel sorry for the kids because if there is a breakup they will be the ones that feel the pain the most. I guess time will tell, in the meantime don't do anything that will make her suspicious of you. Go to work and go home, go to sleep and do it all again the next day. You can't recover until you learn to come to terms with yourself and why you did what you did. And if she chooses that she can't be with you anymore, don't get mad at her for the choice, she is only trying to protect herself and the kids from more heart ache.
Good luck on your family matter. I hope all works out well for you and your wife and kids
2007-04-22 16:04:17 · answer #3 · answered by Michelle C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What has happened to you is that you gave in your feelings
it should never have even gotten to a one night fling, cheating
is cheating. Your agony shows you how you feel and what
your betrayal has done to you, your wife and your family. I am
sure that your wife and children are devastated by this and they
need counseling as well and you will now have to start all over
rebuilding the trust that your wife once had.
It is my hope that you and your wife have some religious values because I think that it would help you both to talk to
a priest or pastor, I know that you and your wife are embarrased about this so find a priest or pastor that lives
some distance from you, he probably won't even see you
again.
When you start to feel better about yourself, you and your
family need to get away for a couple of weeks to start
the healing process. Your biggest difficulties will probably
be going back to work where the other party also works,
this will be very hard on you and twice as hard on your
wife.
Through God and through prayer you and your wife can
get things back the way they should be.
2007-04-22 16:03:07 · answer #4 · answered by justgetitright 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I have read all these answers...there are many points of view and some of them are harsh.I am not trying to blame you,but i think that there must have been something in your relationships and marriage that made you cross the line.
Hardships are testing times.Unfortunately,you have acted upon may be forgotten emotions of attraction and infactuation.Anxiety attacks are there because you are in conflict and shame.I think that you should not beat yourself up but be able to forget yourself first for doing wrong.I am pretty sure that you have regreted this 5 million times.You know it was bad and a huge mistake.You have to stay strong to take care of the consequences.You have to take care of people you hurt if they allow you to.It is a hard situation but you have ti be honest within yourself and hope for the best whatever it may be.And you have to have courage to deal with all the mess.It is a lesson that may change your life forever-do not be scared!!!
2007-04-22 17:35:56 · answer #5 · answered by Bonanza 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a shame. I wouldn't completely blame yourself though. If you cheated, there's usually a reason why you did it in the first place. And the other woman had a hand in it too. You should figure out why you cheated and work on that. And yes, it is an addiction. I'm the other woman in my relationship. The guy I've been seeing is married. We've tried more then a couple of times to stop seeing each other, but we have what him and his wife don't have and that's why we can't stop. Ask your wife to help you thru this and maybe things will turn around for you. I'd suggest trying really hard or bribing yourself into not cheating again. Like every time you want to cheat, put five bucks in a dish or taking your kids or wife to the movies. Find something to occupy your time and your mind. I wish you the best and hope you'll get back on track. Good luck.
2007-04-22 15:58:10 · answer #6 · answered by yogibean32 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Sound's like you have a good start by first admitting that you had a problem and second by confessing to your Family you were wrong! Asking for forgiveness is something that will and may never happen with your wife depends upon her beliefs and her willingness to forgive. as for the children depends upon there ages and exposure to the facts that will play a major role in their forgiveness and remember kids are real tough and with proper love and care will forgive and bounce back.
You ask about yourself? to that I would have to say that temptation is everywhere and does not stop at the sight of a wedding ring. as too why? look at what you have and answer most of those questions you ask with the sin of Pride. you had it all and was 'big man on campus". while your pride allowed you to look outside your marriage you should have looked into it deeper and tried to find new ways to make it even better for you and your family,look at all the effort you waisted on that affair! and for what?
If your wife takes you back then the answer is clear! be a father and faithful husband. that's it!!! Keep you focus on your responsibility!
As for finding yourself! repent to your wife and God!
and as the healing of your relationship between them both repairs so will your self esteem. Pride has killed more than one marriage!
pride should be that you do the next right thing!!!!
2007-04-22 16:14:45 · answer #7 · answered by kiphyn b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believed it or not, You are to be commended for taking the following steps!
You came clean, have remorse and stopped doing the crime of Passion and sought out counsellings!
That's 4 good steps right there!
Trust is a very hard thing to get back but easily lost, not going to lie hear nor sugar coat it- The wife in her rights to do so, could divorce you or she could stay with you and work it out. Ether way you need to respect that fact and give her all the space she is going to need. She may be hurt for one long time (With or without you living with wife & kids).
My best advice is take one day at a day, give the wife all the space she is going to need, keep up on your counseling and stay clear of the lady you messed around with.
CUT ALL TIES!
If want to selvage your marriage, family, that's the lest you can do, you owe your family that much.
Good luck, sure hope all works out.
The course of love never ran smooth, just keep that in mind when start thinking of other thoughts. We are all human, therefore all makes mistakes.
2007-04-22 16:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You made a HUGE mistake and you are paying for it. If your wife allows you to stay, consider yourself a lucky man but it won't be an easy road. Women never forget even if they accept. I am sorry you made such an incredibily stupid mistake but if you are in counseling maybe you can find something to get you through even if you lose what you had. This is a difficult life lesson. One silly mistake can take away everything but it's something you needed to think about before not after. No one on Yahoo can help you find yourself again. But if you have the wherewithall to ask, you may be heading down the path to try to find the right way to go about your life. I hope you can work this through with your wife, but you let her down and obviously you feel you let yourself down as well. Whatever comes out of this, I hope you forever see how much damage comes out of an affair. It changes everyone. Good luck.
2007-04-22 15:58:19 · answer #9 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
YEAH this is absolutely horrible to put your family threw!!! your lucky your wife still wants you after that!!! continue to get help and NEVER see that woman again any where anytime even if you have to change your job do it temptation in your way will only make you fail and ''fall off the waggon'' be serious and commit to being a better man who loves his wife and family and will not take them for granted again!!!You can get past this with the support of your friends and family but if you let them down i don't know how much you can expect from them so be commit ed and ask them for their support and continue seeking counselling for your problem!!!!don't give up and one day you will be able to forgive yourself but only when you have truly realized the lesson you are now learning!!! so truly good luck!!
2007-04-22 15:55:47 · answer #10 · answered by sweetsmiles69@jennieask-me 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋