Ladies, My husband just told me he works harder than me.?

Question

I am a stay at home Mom of 3 kids. He goes to work, punches a time clock, comes home to a nicely cooked dinner with a tidy home. I live in a neighborhood with kids, who pretty much live in my home where the bills are paid and the home is neat and welcome. How do you feel about this?

Richard, your input is the only male input I will accept, since you are open minded, unlike the rest of the male generation.

Answer 1

Your husband needs to realize that a man is not the only one that has value in marriage. My wife became disabled shortly after marriage it took me six months to convince her that she had value no matter what she did. She also kept the house tidy, cooked, cleaned, did laundry, vacuumed, dusted, and still had a smile for me when I came home after a ten hour day. I helped her with whatever she wanted to get done and thanked her for doing what she did knowing she didn't feel good half the time. Your job added up has more responsibility than his job does and yours is twenty four hours a day of responsibility. Does his job end when he clocks out? I assume he also expects intimacy when you've spent a good part of the day and night finishing your job? Ask him when he's going to give you a raise for a job well done. I'm sure he gets one at work for his effort doesn't he? If you put to him the comparison and he still doesn't pay attention then he may just be stuck in stone age and you may not be able to change things. I wish you the best of luck. I have met and worked with many men that have had the same attitude and they usually don't see women as equals but as laborers for their benefit. Keep trying to get the point across to him but diplomatically. Arguing will only cause resentment. Good Luck dear.

Answer 2

Hey I know you didn't want any male input (those damn men) but for what it's worth, I think your man has it pretty good and if he is not thanking God for you he is blowing it. I have to commend you for being a stay at home mom and loving your family enough to work for them and be a Mom to your kids. I think that is about the most honorable job there is. Keep at it. He just doesn't know how good he has it. The home (not a house) is nice and clean with a nice home cooked meal for everyone (yum yum) when he comes home b/c of all the hard (and unseen to him) work you do all day. I'd feel pissed about too.

Answer 3

Well you know he needs to put himself in your shoes and see how much work it is to take care of three children. Your husband does not understand how hard it is to raise three kids and keep the house orderly and be a wife. He doesnt feel that being a stay at home mom is a real job. Its his male ego talking. He figures since he has a 9 to 5 job that he works a lot harder than you do. What you should do is leave the three kids with him one day when he has a day off during the school week so he can understand how hard you work at being a stay at home mom. He cant compare his job to yours it two totally different things.I think your husband needs to wake up and smell the estrogen its hard work being in your shoes! You bascially have three jobs!

Answer 4

Ask him if he does this all in one week.......

"If you're a stay-at-home wife and mother, you're worth a whopping $125,900 a
year! That's because your mate would have to pay $2,325 a week to hire people to
perform all the jobs you do, according to U.S. government statistics.
A busy mom provides her family with the services of a child care worker, cook,
dishwasher, chauffeur, laundry worker, maid and more.
Here's what it would cost to hire someone to do these jobs for a week, according to
the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics 1995 Employment and Earnings report:
1. CHILD CARE WORKER - $182
That's the amount working parents fork out for a fulltime child care worker to look
after and feed their children.
2. COOK - $238
Professional cooks earn an average of $238 a week. But you could be worth even
more if you whip up dishes that could be served at fine restaurants.
3. DISHWASHER AND KITCHEN CLEANER - $225
That's what an expert makes working full-time in the catering and food preparation
business.
4. LAUNDRY WORKER - $199
You're worth $199 a week to wash, dry and fold your family's clothes and linens.
5. CHAUFFEUR - $362
Professional drivers pocket $362 a week. But you may be worth more since you're at
your family's beck and call 24 hours a day.
6. MAID - $182
Although this is what the average maid earns, it's not a lot to do all the dirty work
around the house.
7. RECREATION COORDINATOR - $303
You should be paid $303 a week to plan and execute your children's playtime
schedule.
8. TUTOR - $228
You tear your hair out helping your children master the "new math" for free; while a
professional tutor rakes in $228 a week.
9. BOOKKEEPER/SECRETARY - $389
A clerical worker who balances the books, answers the phone and organizes
schedules earns $389 a week.
Tally all those figures and you'll find you could be earning a cool $120,900 a year
($155,280 if you factor in a 3% inflation rate)."
This does not even factor in the spiritual training and mentoring that a mother will do
that a hired hand would not. So how much is the love of a stay-at-home mother/wife
worth to a family?

Answer 5

Well, it's all a matter of perspective, isn't it. He feels that way, but then so do you. However, let him know that last year a study was done where it was determined that the "worth" of a SAHM is the equivalent of two full-time jobs, and would deserve a salary of around $130,000. Tell him to start paying up....
I'm a SAHM, too, and I know that my husband works WAY harder than I do, because he does really physically demanding work. However, I'm totally appreciative of it, and totally grateful he works so hard so I can stay home, and our family is much happier because of it.

Answer 6

Do you even realise how jilted you sound?
Richard is the only member of the male "generation" [sic] that is open minded?

I do not know what your unfortunate husband does for a living, but it is entirely possible that parts of his day are more difficult than parts of yours. I have seven children and have had the care of them without my wifes help on various occasions, and know that children can be more difficult than some think. Still have you worked a day in your husbands vocation?
I wonder what led to his statement. By the tone of your question, it seems likely you may have been harping at him or bemoaning your lot in life.

I know, I know. My responce is not accepted, since I am not Richard, and am most deffinately part of the hated male Gender.

Answer 7

Men are such arrogant sons of b*tches . . .

I'm sure your life is more demanding than his - at least he gets to go home from his job at 5pm . . . yours is there 24/7! He's allowed to 'get away' from the pressures of being a dad, such as trying to be patient when they're naughty and setting them good examples in everything you do, spending quality time and playing with them, even if you're feeling unwell yourself. It isn't like you have the option of going home from work 'sick'!

I bet if one of the kids has a nightmare or the baby needs a nighttime feed, you're the one who gets up and does it!

You also have to clean up after him and organise all the household chores . . . all he has to do is his job, but you have to take care of absolutely everything else.

Women are just better at handling lots of things at once - it's just the way we're made. He doesn't know it, but he'd definitely struggle in your shoes even for a week, so go on - you have my permission to feel smug!

Answer 8

Honey,this is no more than a power play. Happens all the time in marriage. You cannot allow him or yourself to put yourself in a position of who works harder, who does more. Each of you works hard to do what needs to be done. Each is equally working hard. There is no "I work harder". If he thinks your life as a stay at home mom is so easy, have him trade places with you for a day. I'll guarantee he will scurry back to his job grateful he doesn't have to deal with what you do and vice versa. Give him the opportunity to stay at home one day with your 3 kids. His attitude should do a 180 in a heartbeat.

Answer 9

I think that your husband needs to spend a week at home alone with the kids and be expected to do all the things that you do. Clearly he has no comprehension of the job that you do 24/7.

Answer 10

Who cares? Is it a competition? So what if he does work harder than you, why would you care? Sounds like you're not comfortable being a stay at home mom. Why don't you go out and throw your kids in daycare like many other moms and prove him wrong if you're so upset about this. Being a stay at home mom is a tough job, but who cares if he does work harder than you? I'm sure it's probably the case, so what?