My husand and I are on both on our 2nd marriage. No kids between us, just his and mine, all grown. We have been together for 11 years, married for 8. We have only had sex 3 times in the last 19 months. We dont argue, we dont fight.. we just dont do anything. We both work, but I come home and do all the meals, all the laundry, all the house cleaning, all the shopping. Most nights one of us makes an excuse to sleep on the couch. He claims his bad back, or I claim insomnia. When we do sleep in bed together, we dont even touch each other. Neither of us are cheating , he is a good man, doesnt drink, gamble, womanize or beat me. He has a steady job and doesnt hang out with "the boys". Its just like weve moved apart. I told him once it was almost as if we were room mates. I have no desire to fool around or cheat, I dont really want a divorce, but I'm lonely too. He is content and doesnt see a problem. Does anyone else live like this?
2007-04-22 13:11:36 · 6 answers · asked by grapelady911 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We dont attend church, we dont have any other married friends to hang out with. We dont have any hobbies or play any kind of sports. I have suggested we do things together, even taking a walks together at night. but hes not interested. I have suggested we take classes together, he agrees but theres no follow up or he decided late rthat he doesnt want to do it anymore.
2007-04-22 13:14:25 · update #1
This sounds like a sad life. Why stay married just for that reason? Life is to short to not live it. Your not living life, your only existing. Don't you want the closeness of someone and not just a roommate? Together for 11 years is a lot to just toss away. You didn't say he abused you or any of that. Have you two tried working on the marriage? Of course your lonely, your married but living a life as a single woman. Personally, I would not want to waste precious time if I didn't love him. I hope someday you can find it in your heart to move on with your life, because you deserve it.
2007-04-22 14:22:49 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can very much relate to what you are saying. The only difference between you and I until a year ago is that my husband and I have a business together and children. I felt very lonely and very rejected. However about 12 months ago my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour which doctors have been able to treat with drugs. It has changed my husband's personality greatly and unfortunately for me not in a good way. We have had huge fights and I have lost count of the number of times he has tried to throw me out or do things just to hurt me. And then he is very nice to me. For me the biggest problem is that I am scare to be on my own. I have no job except the business and have been unsuccessful in getting any jobs even though I have applied for many. I would never see my older children as they think the world of their father and would side with him. I would be financially a lot worse off if I leave and I have spent the best part of my life being poor and I don't like it. So I stay because I am a coward and I know I could never trust anyone else after what I have been through.
My only advice is to try and get some type of life away from your husband. Where once I would have loved to have done things with my husband I now prefer to do things on my own.
2007-04-22 13:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by Lock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you did wrong was wait 15 years to tell him how you feel. Second you let him abuse u and turn it on the children. To make things even worst u cheated which added more fuel to the fire. The only thing I can wish for u is good luck. If your husband does not want to go to counseling then I don't know how things will get better. He might change for a little while but the picture of you in his head with another man is never going to go away. He will bring it up again and again. Oh and yeah u are not in love with the other guy. It just feels like that because this is the most attention you have received from the opposite sex in a while.
2016-05-21 03:32:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that I am lucky enough to be in a wonderful marriage, but there ARE times where we can go for days without really talking or touching. If you are comfortable w/ the relationship then that is really all that matters. However if you are unhappy then maybe the two of you might try going to counceling or really have a heart to heart and decide whether you want to go on living like this! Much luck and love!!
2007-04-22 13:15:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand what your marriage is like because mine is similar. It is very lonely and boring and we have only been married 5 years. Hardly any sex, and his life is him. My life is our children.
2007-04-22 13:45:08 · answer #5 · answered by mrsleslie_lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
having both experiences I'd have a tough time chosing between them. Divorce is soooo difficult but in the long run......
2007-04-22 18:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by coolmommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋