I've been married for 16 years. My husband has hit me for the first time, I kicked him out of the house and he still hasn't said sorry. He's attitude has been very aggressive because he's pist off that i told him to leave. And he hasn't accepted he hit me! He is very mad because i kicked him out of the house. Don't know what i should do, need help!
2007-04-22 11:50:24 · 20 answers · asked by Lola V 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
DON'T BACK DOWN!!!!! Just because it's the first time doesn't mean it'll be the last time. He needs to say he's sorry and he needs to spend some serious butt kissing time before he should be allowed anywhere near you!
2007-04-22 11:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by Shannon H 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Did you call the police and file a report? You really should, because if it comes to divorce, you can't prove that he hit you if there are no witnesses and no police report. Do you have children in the house? Has he ever threatened to hit you? The threat is almost as bad legally as the act, it is considered emotional and mental abuse.
As far as kicking him out of the house, right on!!!! If he is not willing to get counciling, I would get a protection order and KEEP him out of the house. If you need help with the order, financial or otherwise, contact your local victim witness program. It usually is associated with the city courts. I'm truly sorry that this is happening after 16 years. That has to be heartbreaking for you. But, be strong and don't cave in to his aggression.
I would not reccomend letting him come back. If he is not even willing to admit to hitting you, then you may not be able to save this one. Once physical abuse starts it very, very rarely stops. Be careful !!
You are in my prayers.
2007-04-22 12:14:04 · answer #2 · answered by cherylk2285 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear it Lola.
I am going through a divorce b/c of the same thing. He hit me once and only once. He was arrested for domestic assault, kicked out of the house, and I haven't looked back. If he hits you once, there's a good chance he'll do it again. Dr. Phil says" the best predictor of future behavior is past relevant behavior". I'd guess that he hasn't treated you well most of your married life, just by doing (or not doing) several little things. He will treat you however you allow him to treat you. If his behavior is not acceptable, don't allow him to do it again. Period. I truly believe if you let him back to the house, it be long before it happens again, because you've basically "said" it was okay (by taking him back).
Please think seriously about this! If you haven't already reported it to authorities you need to. It will show a pattern if he does it again.
Good luck!
2007-04-22 12:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by class act 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he been verbally abusive in the past 16 years? If he hit you, then there is no excuse for his behavior and the fact that he will not apologize tells me that he may do it again. You should have kicked him out, because he should never hit you and you do not have to accept this. If he continues to act this way, then file for a divorce and move on. It is a sad situation being married for that long, but no one should be treated like that and if you let him get by with it, he will do it again.
2007-04-22 11:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by Shanna h 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IT IS NEVER OKAY FOR ANY PERSON TO STRIKE ANOTHER PERSON OUT OF ANGER or in any situation that is not self-defense. I can appreciate your internal turmoil. While you may be tempted to try to sweep this under the rug, especially since he is not responding remorsefully, rest assured it sounds like you are handling this issue as you should - seriously.
At this point, given he apologized, it still sounds like your husband has some anger issues to work through. This time 'away' may afford him the chance to do just that - even though it seems to be having an opposite effect right now. You have to stay strong and believe in yourself and know in your heart that what you have done is the best thing for both of you.
I'll remember your situation in my prayers tonight.
2007-04-22 12:02:38 · answer #5 · answered by lovemcss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl! i woulddn't of kick him out i woul kick his *** then kick him out and then call the police. First of all i wouldn't have let him back in the house and he keeps denying it girl i would divorce him right on the spot and then find a man that don't do me like he did girl i know it was 16 years and i know you still crazy about that man here some advice go to counseling and if that don't work leave him.
2007-04-22 11:58:39 · answer #6 · answered by SPONTANEOUS SYDNEY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to stand up for yourself. This is where abuse begins. Has he been abusive to you mentally?
Since he will not acknowledge about hitting you probably is a good sign that he will do it again and again if you let him back into your life.
Remember abuse gets worse each time. How much are you wiling to take before enough is enough?
In the mean time, ask yourself everyday, "I want to know what I want." Say it several times throughout the day.
The answers will come to you.
He will try to weasle his way into your life again. They always do. He will be nice to you and maybe say sorry then he will do it all again.
2007-04-22 12:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by Kamah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said it right "My husband has hit me for the FIRST time," Its like a can of pringles once you pop you cant stop. His behavior sounds like it is accelerating. It sounds as if it is going to get worse as time goes on. Stand your ground, if you back down now you are giving control to him and he will see it as a permission to continue this behavior. Seek counseling and file for divorce. You have the opportunity to nip this problem in the bud. Also contact your local domestic violence shelter, they can be an invaluable resource. You should also google domestic violence and check out all the information that you can. You have taken the first step, admitting that there is a problem, its time to move on.
2007-04-22 12:01:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too many times I've seen abused women go back, thinking,
"I can change things,"
"He will change," or, more often,
"I LOVE him!"
Sadly, the truth is written above by so many wonderful, caring people with great advice! It's not easy, and it's not pretty.
Please listen to those who've been there and not a misconceiving need that might draw you back into a bad situation. Good Luck, Love. God be with you as you work through this difficult time.
2007-04-22 12:33:32 · answer #9 · answered by Eudora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically you did the right thing but you should have charged him with domestic violence to show him that youre not going to be his punching bag. No man never needs to hit a woman for whatever reason and then not expect retaliation. And then not to apologize is definitly not good. He doesnt need to come back til youre ready for him to come back. Give him some time to think about what he did and what he needs to do about it. If things worsen then get a protective restraining order against him if necessary. Good luck
2007-04-22 11:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen, my mother was with my father for 30 years. He hit my mother once and she kicked him out. After a week he apologized and said he'd never do it again. But he did, and again, and again. Once they've done it, and you take him back, they know that they can manipulate you. Pack his bags, drop them off at his friends or family's house, and change all locks. He can get more aggressive. Just please be careful. I've seen things get worse. God Bless and be safe.
2007-04-22 11:59:14 · answer #11 · answered by Army Wife 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋