what would you think about this, am i right or wrong?

Question

Me and my husband arnt speaking at the moment , over his sister , she had a baby 3 weeks ago ,2 days after having the baby she was home and her mum went down for a few days to help out , which is a natural thing most mothers will do, anyway my mother in law only came back to her own house on friday, and was telling us that from the day she arrived down to her daughters that she had the baby in her room and was getting up to do all the feeds while the child mother stayed in bed ( the way my mother in law said it was like it was great that she was spending the time with the baby). i just couldnt get my head round this and said it to my husband that i thought that this was wrong and his mother shouldnt of been taking the baby every night as his sister cant be realing on her mother , she has to learn herself in her own way , my husband said i was making a big deal out of this but i was only giving my opinoin and to me its wrong what his sister is doing , she isnt a single parent either.

I have a son myself weve both done everything from the start with him on are own ,

im not jealous , dont like my mother in law it keeps her away from me , i just think his sister needs to be bonding with her baby and learn on her own , shes been wanting a baby for yrs , she now has one but is leaving him with her mother

read the first bit again not a few days 3 weeks

sorry typed wrong she stayed there 3 weeks with the daughter

Answer 1

i think your right, if your husband sister opened her legs for sex then she can look after her own baby
i have got 2 children and my youngest is 2 and she never used to sleep at night and i did everything on my own i had my dad with me for a couple of weeks but i would never leave my kids with my mum to look after day and night it's not right I'm the one who opened my legs and got myself pregnant not my mum and not my dad

Answer 2

Everyone is different -- and the bearing and birthing of a baby is a terrific trauma for some women, which can throw them into serious depression.

It may seem odd that a new mother seemed to give up her new baby to another person (even a person she intimately trusts) to look after in this way ... but who is to say how ill she felt, or is feeling.

Maybe you were lucky, or maybe you are made of tougher stuff. But try not to be too critical of someone when you maybe don't know all the facts.

It is silly for you two to fall out over something like this as every parent has to learn in their own way about how to become the bets parent they can. Maybe there are things you wish you had done better in your parenting, or things you will do that others could be critical of? Who can say?

For now -- it s a new thing for your sister in law and -- I dare say Gran was delighted to get such a look in so early -- not all Gran's do!! So try and see the positives -- even if you don't instinctively agree with the approach!

As long as she takes to caring for the baby now she has had some recuperation time THAT is what is important, surely?!

Answer 3

I think that you are without doubt corrcet in what you say based on the info given. First few weeks most important time for baby to parent bonding, she runs the risk of the grandparent being seen by the baby as the primary carer. That will be making a rod for her own back.
You don't highlight if she had a difficlut birth and needed extra assistance but even so surely the partner would do the night duty rather than the mother in law? So still a bit weird in my opinion.

Answer 4

I felt the same way as you until I had a second child, then I was willing to take the extra help while I could and then by the 3rd child I was taking any help offered with a sigh of relief!!! LOL...I love my children but lets face it having a little break here and there is a good thing. Your mother-in-law helped for the first what? week? The new mommy and daddy have a lifetime to learn on their own! This really shouldn't cause an argument in your own home.

Answer 5

No your not wrong you were just giving your opinion. He should not be up set with you over this. Just let it go, and now you no not to say anything about his sister. PS she should be doing more with the baby her mother is only there to help out no do everything. This girl clearly is taking advantage of your mother in law or something else is gong on with her. Cuz what woman doesn't want to take care of her new born baby. This is like the best year of there life, they are only this small once. May be the sister is having problems bonding with the baby and your husband No's about it and does not want to say anything. Just step back and don't say anything. You never no what's going on in someone else's house.
Kiss and make up it's nothing to have a fight with your husband over. You'll have plenty of fight and argument about stuff between you and him. just let it go. good luck

Answer 6

I honestly think you should say to yourself that it's "Not My Problem". Too many people stick their noses into the lives of others and have opinions that really do not concern them. They will work it out on their own, so don't let it cause an argument between your husband and yourself.

Everything has a way with working itself out, even if you don't agree, it's really none of your concern. They will all be fine later and not hold any grudges against you, especially if you stay out of it.

Matter of fact, the majority of all family fights happen because of opinions that are not wanted, or needed. Just give love and support, be there to help, not criticize.

When your mother in-law feels it's time to back off, she will. Make sense?

Answer 7

well, i think it is wonderful when a grandmother can go and spend the first hours with the mother, she should be there to help the mother, not tend to the baby ALL the time.
i also think that the mother should be asking of the grandmother only what she cannot figure out on her own...not, totally relying on the grandmother for the care of the baby.
but, as long as this works for them, then i don't really see any harm in it all...she is just an overzealous grandmother and needs to back off gently and let the mother take over.
i think your husband is upset because you are 'dissing' his mother...this is something that you really shouldn't do, but, a marriage should be one in that you should be able to feel comfortable discussing your concerns with each other

Answer 8

It's natural for her mother to want to be a part of the child's life. But first, your husband's sister and her husband should develop a sense of fatherly-motherly bond and relationship with the baby before your mother-in-law being allowed to take the baby every night. It is part of growth that the father and the mother of this child should learn how to adapt to the changes made in their house by having this baby. I think you are entitiled to your opinions and it isn't wrong. But there are limits to how much you can say to your husband. TRUST ME...I know! Husbands, when it comes to their family, can get defensive. Just be more understanding and let his sister and mother handle things their own way. You have much more things to worry about in your own life than to take on their worries.

Answer 9

.i have learnt something after being with my hubby 15 years a mans mother can do no wrong he can ***** about her slate her he can even want to kill her but the moment you say anything out of line forget it you are prime enemy number 1. , anyway i think your husband is worried that criticising his sister is like criticising him coz they are of the same mother and you know what if you wait a little while you will see one day down the line when your hubby is angry with his sister he will say the same thing you said, only then you I'm sure as a good wife will back him up.lol that's the way of the world and by the way i think she should look after her own kid i have 3 kids and had no one helping me and the mother in law is just spoiling her daughter anyway.

Answer 10

I agree with your side on this one. Yes, I think it is wonderful that the mother went to help her daughter take care of the baby, but she shouldn't be keeping the baby to herself all the time.

The thing is, not only does the daughter need to learn to take care of it herself, but those first few days are really crucial in the bonding process. If the baby is only bonding with the grandmother, then what happens when she leaves?

The mother needs to do as much as she can for the baby herself. If the grandmother is there, the things she should help most with are things like the laundry and cooking and keeping up the house a bit. Yes, she should spend time with the baby, but not exclusively.

Answer 11

I don't see what the problem is. It used to be normal, once upon a time, for the women in a community, and esp a family, to help each other out like this. She will have to learn now as her mother has gone. Why should she not have had some time to recuperate? The way we do things now with only a man to help if we're 'lucky', would have been seen as very odd by other, past cultures, and some in existence today. All children were once raised in a sort of joint effort by whichever females were around, had the energy, and were not busy. It's the best way, really. Who actually wants to do everything herself?