What is the importance of sex in a long term relationship/marriage?

Question

i read somewhere that sex is the backbone of a marriage.....
how would u react if for some reason ur partner couldn't perform, would u carry on in this relationship or would u break up even if everthing else was perfect in this relationship?

Psychologist Kevin Leman - ‘Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
intimacy in marriage will be one of the most important part of a relationship.
a good sex life colors a marriage from top to bottom & is the most powerful "marital" glue a couple can have.
A sexually fulfilled man will normally be a better father & a better employee. sexually fulfilled woman will have less stress & more joy in her life.
Leman says he is blunt with premarital couples & tells them if they aren't willing to commit themselves to having sex with their partner at least 2 or 3 times a week for the rest of their lives then don't get married. to get married is to commit to a regular time of sexual intimacy.
men must realize women don't just view sex as starting & ending in the bedroom. The stability of the relationship, the effort exerted for the relationship & the level of emotional closeness all directly affect a wife's desire and enjoyment of sexual relations.

Just to let u all know who probably r thinking i am having this situation in my life, i have no such issues but whenever this topic has come up during convo's it was difficult to sum up what would be the right thing to do in a situation like this...so i put this question to U ALL!!!

Answer 1

I would be honest with my partner first and tell them the problem and would try to give them some pointers. If they make no attempts to try and better please you then.....I, personally, would have to walk out. Sex does seem to be the backbone, huh? I never thought of it that way.

Answer 2

well, it is a bit personal but I'll answer as long as you are wondering if your sex life is normal. by the way, everyone has a different sex life. i've been dating someone for 8 years and the past 2 years have been full of problems (cheating on each other, he dumping me for a month and dating a real skanky whore!). ANYWAYS! Right now, we are at once a week WITH CONDOMS! 'cause of the trust issue. The first couple years, we had sex probably 5 times a week and then it fizzled down to maybe only 3 for a while. I THINK IT IS VERY NORMAL FOR SEX TO FIZZLE ONCE YOU'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR A WHILE AND THE WAY TO REMEDY THIS PROBLEM ISN'T THAT HARD (i need to take my own advice). 1. don't let yourself go downhill once you've already 'snagged' him. fix yourself up, work out!, eat right, and put something 'naughty' on once in a while for him. 2. sometimes guys in long term relationships get lazy about making the first move and you need to do it! 3. do some romantic weekends once in a while. my bf and i went to an indoor waterpark with a room with a fireplace and a jacuzzi. we had awesome sex all weekend not to mention how much fun it was to act like kids again on those water rides! 4. don't get drunk when you go out and mingle with friends. i've done some very stupid things when i was drunk and upset him greatly. i do have an alcohol problem though. if you need substances like alcohol and drugs to get turned on, it's a bad sign. don't worry, i'm getting help. 5. DO NOT NAG HIM. That'll put him out of the mood so fast, it'd make your head spin. He'll instantly see his mother telling him to clean up his room and mow the lawn. SERIOUSLY. THERE ARE MANY MORE THINGS BUT THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THINGS I'VE OBSERVED IN almost 20 years of dating (3 bfs were more than a year relationship). GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

There can be many reasons why someones sexual drive diminishes. Most reasons are psychological, although some can be physical, and some medications can affect sex drive.

If sex is so important to one person in the relationship that they would consider breaking up because of it, then I would suggest they consider taking relationship counselling as a first step. http://www.relate.org.uk/ These people will offer you advice and guidance confidentially either together, or on a one to one basis.

I would consider this, in a 30 year marriage, how many weeks or months in total would that involve having sex. Most of the time it would have been spent living, sharing life and being together as a couple without sex.

My personal opinion is that love and mutual respect are the backbone of a marriage, but communication, and understanding are the gel that holds that relationship together.

But for some, sex is the most important aspect of a relationship. And if for any reason that fails, then they have every right to consider it a failed relationship in their eyes, and could move on without feeling any guilt.

Answer 4

There is a big difference between not having sex because of a sickness and not having sex because of a choice.
Sex is important in a marriage and should only be with held if both partners are in agreement to do so.
I had it withheld from me for punishment and after about a year, it was enough of the abuse so I bowed out( because of other issues also).
Yes it is important, but understood when there is a good reason for it not to happen.

Answer 5

I would not say that sex is the backbone of marriage, but it is an important factor. It is the most intimate moment between a couple and you need that closeness and affection.

I would not rely my whole relationship on one key factor. If your partner cannot perform, is it something physical or something more mental. It could come down to the person isn't experienced enough, they are nervous, or they just need some pointers on what you like.

I wouldn't judge the relationship on one key factor until I figured out the root of the problem. Once you find that out, it may be something easy to fix or get help for.

Don't risk losing a great marraige because of a bad lay. :)

Answer 6

i certainly wouldnt give up on a partner just because they couldnt perform yes i agree intercourse should be at the heart of any loving couple's relationship and i think what i would be inclined to do is to have a one to one heart to heart and find out if it is a medical or physical problem if it is a physical problem is one of you perhaps doing or saying something that is a turn off does the relationship need a bit of variation different positions bit of role play change of surroundings are you always intimate in the same room who is intimate first is it always the same person maybe you could look for a book or dvd on ways of improving the intimacy between you kama sutra or something like it for example explore it and enjoy it together after all it should be a pleasurable experience for you both if it is a medical reason then im sure a private chat with your gp would help or maybe look for a therapist these are just some areas that i would explore if this was me in this relationship im by no means saying this is what you must do but just maybe it may help if everything else is perfect in this relationship as you say then i certainly would offer my partner as much help support trust and love as i could good luck hope this has helped

Answer 7

There is so much more to a relationship than just sex. As one day when you're old and grey - you will have to realise that you have to live side by side without sex. And if you can't do that - then there is something wrong. You need to communicate with your partner, and find out the root of the problem. If every thing else is perfect, there's no reson to abandon the relationship.

Answer 8

Sex is basic human need, so if you are in a committed long-term relationship, you need to be able to keep that aspect of your relationship alive and well. If he is having performance problems, he should see his doctor to determine if it's medical or psychological. If it's psychological, he should work with a counselor to resolve the issue. Remember that it's not just you who is being impacted - try to imagine how HE is feeling about this problem. If your relationship is solid in every other way, the two of you can find a way to work through this.

Answer 9

I agree with those who have said that sex isn't the backbone of marriage. In my opinion, trust and friendship form the foundation of marriage. Sex is wonderful, but it's not the core of the relationship my husband and I have. To make a marriage work, you need to have other things than just sex to sustain a healthy relationship.
Sex isn't just about the physical act in marriage..it's about intimacy and experiencing closeness with each other. It helps to maintain a close bond with one's spouse.
If less sex occurs in marriage than what a couple normally has (barring cirucumstances such as a baby on the way and other things), it can indicate issues. Sex could almost be viewed as a meter of how close and intimate a couple is or wants to be. Not always, depending on each partner's particular sex drives and such, but if a couple is fighting constantly, it could affect their sex life.
Even if something happened, and my hubby couldn't have sex with me, I would never leave him. Besides, there are other ways to be intimate besides actual intercourse...
This is just my humble opinon:-)

Answer 10

Sex is important in a relationship / marriage, but it is not the be all and end of it all, you marry someone/ have a relationship with someone because you LOVE them, not because you can have sex with them, there are other way to satisfy each other,

Answer 11

Sex is a big deal in the relationship. If for example the male could no longer perform..then there is still foreplay and toys that can be used. I think the love making could continue, but just in a different way. I've even heard of bringing in others for pleasure.