was dating a guy for three months.. he was very into me, (called me day after meeting, asked for date next day,etc..) the few time we hung out i was my normal sweet self.. but i found out that my favorit closest aunt was terminally ill so i shut down. i never told him what was wrong, but i guess he stayed around hoping i'd be how i was before. eventually he said he couldn't take me treating him like that anymore and broke up with me.. i didn't call him for a few weeks, but then my aunt died and i sent him an email explaining i was acting weird bc my aunt was sick. he didn't respond right away so i flipped out and bombarded him w/text messages..(crazy i know) he never ever did respond. a girlfriend of mine asked him what was his deal and he said i was annoying the heck out of him with my bs. i know for a fact that he doesn't have another girlfriend, so he honestly was tired of me being rude/cold.
so why when i reached out he didn't believe me/respond?
2007-04-22 10:10:48 · 11 answers · asked by noway 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
in my heart, i think he might've been a nice guy just fed up. the one time we slept together i told him i was wasn't comfortable with that and he understood and kept spending time with me for two months after that, so i know he didn't only want one thing.. i just don't get it
he'd ask me.. "what do you want in a man?" i'd say no! i don't want anything from a man! .... he'd say things like"this is so cute, like we're in a relationship.." i'd say "no no we're not in a relationship!" that's just how much i was shut down emotionally
btw.. i know now that my actions were strangs.. i was grieving at the time but i don't understand his reaction
2007-04-22 10:11:07 · update #1
It sounds like you were really playing games with him and using your grief to support withdrawing from him. Were you scared of his comments and suggestions?
Maybe you aren't yet ready for a relationship. I agree with the poster who says you should finish grieving then move on.
Good luck
2007-04-22 10:21:02 · answer #1 · answered by Croa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Typically people in relationships are not open, especially at the beginning (you are exhibit A). If someone blows you off repeatedly, you just take a hint that they're not interested and move on (i.e. him when you kept ignoring him). A simple call to him saying that you weren't emotionally available would have salvaged the friendship (if not relationship). Not saying that you should have spent time with him, but you definitely should not have blown him off like you did. As is, I would say that his reaction is completely normal. Only a complete idiot (or extremely forgiving person) would give you another chance. I for one, wouldn't even believe such a story (true or not). Regardless of this, interest doesn't last forever. The reason he liked you before was because you treated him well. Even if he likes you now, why should he give you the chance to break him - because experience suggests that you may be merciless. Move on, and treat the next person with the same level of courtesy you'd expect in return - because only someone with very little self worth would put up with something else.
2007-04-22 17:33:23 · answer #2 · answered by slik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normal? I really can't say yes or no. I have done the same sort of thing a few times but I have my own issues that played into that, and me doing it doesn't necessarily make it normal.
Who's the jerk? Both or neither of you. Really, you could look at it any sort of way. What you did was rather rude, but you had your reasons. Whether the reason was 'good' or not, you might just not have been able to handle so much at one time. Beating yourself up or calling yourself a jerk over it isn't really going to help much. I recommend using this experience in the future. Perhaps the next time there are significant events in your life at the same time you can recognize that it might get overwhelming and take measures to prevent destroying relationships. Talk to the guy before you completely shut down. If he's understanding he may be patient with you like the guy you were talking about was for a while. Like that guy, anyone can only take so much of being blown-off. I too suspect he was a nice guy that just couldn't take it anymore. It may be considered jerk-ish that he didn't respond at all, but can you really blame him? He probably didn't respond because he didn't want to open himself up to the negativity (or void) you were directing his way.
So, I said that I've done this sort of thing myself. I've also read a bit in psychology. The readings helped me to identify behavior, or particular patterns of behavior (in the case that this sort of thing has happened to you before), that may be problematic or make my mental state less healthy. Really I'm talking about the stress of it happening and thinking about it afterwards. It's helped quite a bit. If you're interested and think you should explore this, there is a link below that seems like a good starting point. And I'm NOT trying to label you. I'm not a professional and I personally think labels just mask the actual problem by putting it all the problems in a neat little box with a fancy name. It's more of a starting point to give you ideas to research or questions to ask on Y!A. I picked this one because it includes chaotic relationships and it was once suggested to me that I had this disorder back when I still did that same sort of thing as you.
Good luck to you!
2007-04-22 18:44:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well what is done is done. I think you need to move forward and maybe you have learned some things from this experience. I think that if you would have opened up when it first happened then things might have been different, but that is all in the past. I think a lot of us women tend to keep our feelings inside and unlike other women who can usually tell when things are amiss guys don't see that and they can get angry when we finally tell them later on what was wrong. Often they say, "Look I am not a mind reader." I tend to agree with the men on this. We need to learn how to open up and share our feelings when these things happen because if you do let it go for too long things can boil over and misunderstandings happen and that can end a realationship. I It also sounds like he just wasn't the guy for you either. You must be pretty young because this is how you act when you are not experienced in relationships. I say move on and know not to do this in the future.
2007-04-22 17:29:35 · answer #4 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no wrong answer here, so have fun determining a GOOD ANSWER. Most women will tell you it was his fault and most men will tell you it was yours. Instead, I am going to tell you the truth. First of all, you fell for this guy and tried to put on the breaks and slow down, which ended in a horendous crash. Your aunt, or so it seems, was just your excuse because you were afraid iof what was happening. After you grieved, you realized that and tried contacting him...NOW, on his part, if he truly cared about you as he acted in the first place, he would have rushed right over the first tiome, help you in his arms , and make soft sweet love to you that very night and never let you out of his sight again. of, course, that's just my opinion. I am sorry you are going through all of this, just chak one up as a lesson learned and move on girl.
2007-04-22 17:27:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was very attached to you and you didn't share your feelings or even basic facts with him. If he asked me for advice, I would have told him you were not ready for a relationship because you only thought of your own feelings and not his.
It is understandable that your behavior changes when you are stressed or grieving, but it isn't normal to not tell even your closest friends that you are grieving.
I was the same way in my early twenties, though. I thought it was bad to talk about painful things. I've learned better since then.
2007-04-22 19:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be pissed to if someone who i was into or dating totally snubbed me and treated me like crap suddenly with no explaination. He probably was like .. this girl is crazy (b.c he had not idea abotu your aunt or what you must have been going thru emotionally). but its your fault. you should have just told him. i mean you were sad and upset i understand.. but is it such a big deal to just open up to the person you care for and be honest about whats on your mind?
i honestly dont think he meant to much to you.. or maybe your just inexperienced in reletionships and didnt know any better.
either way forget him and move on . people make mistakes its no big deal.
2007-04-22 17:21:44 · answer #7 · answered by Star 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone. Go on with your life and grieve. You messed up with him and there is no going back. On the other hand; he is not a very nice person to ignore you when you are upset and I think you are better off without him.
2007-04-22 17:14:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you ran him off,.....you were cold to him,.....why would he want to have a relationship with a lady who treated him like you did,.....though the reason you did treat him in such a way, you should have told him what was happening in your life,.....he might think now that you are like that all the time
2007-04-22 18:11:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should of hung on to him if u wanted him that bad.
He should of come first instead of the aunt.
U should of got him involved visiting the aunt.
Dont worry, there are more fish in the sea.
U live and learn, so move on.
2007-04-22 17:16:02 · answer #10 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋