i need help with my husband?

Question

my husband told me that he wanted a divorce last week, then he told me that he didn't know how he felt about me. then he decided to keep me. i just got a full time job, first one in 6 months and then he was all lovey dovey towards me and now he is back to yelling and being mean and evasive with me and telling me that he is going where ever he wants when ever he wants. he also just quit two jobs in the last month and they were good jobs. mine is just a clerk at a convience store. what should i do? i really need to know. please this is sensitive to me so only serious answers. thanks

Answer 1

You both need to see a counsellor as soon as possible. It sounds to me like he's a little mentally abusive. He can't tell you one week he wants a divorce and then be all lovey dovey the next because you've pleased him by getting a full time job! Trust me, I have been there. My husband was only happy with me when I pleased him and I also went mental trying to keep up with his standards. If he wants to keep your marriage, maybe the boundaries of what you will and will not take need to be set and then really enforced! Make sure he knows you deserve to be treated like a person and not put down when things get tough. Make sure he knows that his problems are not always your fault and you don't need him taking everything out on you! What do you feel about the marriage? You said he decided "to keep you." Do you want "to be kept" under these conditions? Tell him you understand that he's stressed, but you need to work together to get out of that stress, not against each other.

Good luck

Answer 2

Marriage is not easy, it's a trusting partnership. You two need to address, what is really going on. Sit down and actually talk to each other not at each other. Most all marriages can be saved but you have to know what you want out of a marriage and what you are willing to accept. What is being evasive? Not telling you where he is going or doing? Do you feel like he is cheating. Finances are most always the reason a marriage doesn't work. Get those together and I bet things will be better.

Answer 3

He sound bipolar. Is there something going on in his life - midlife crisis? Sounds like an emotional issue that he is going through and as with most sitautions like this the closest person is the one who gets the blame and to which it is taken out on for no apparent reason. Sometimes talking helps but I would suggest go for counseling. If he can't keep a job then it is his problem not yours. His abuse is probably stemmed from the fact that you do have a job and he is feeling inadequate about himself so he has to make you feel the same way. Get professional help now before it becomes physically abusive.

Answer 4

Sit him down and tell him you want a definite answer about your marriage. If you love him and want your marriage to work then suggest to him that you get counseling. If he refuses then that pretty much will tell you how he feels about your marriage. He is your husband and should be loving you as the Bible says and you should be honoring him. It takes two to make a marriage work, you can't do it alone and he can't do it alone. You could get counseling by yourself and that may help, it certainly wouldn't hurt even if it didn't help.

Someone who is acting as he is, sounds very much like a controller. I can tell you many things about people like that. If you have a full time job and can make it on your own, if he isn't willing to be with you as your partner then you may have to face the fact that your marriage is not going to work. Do all you know to do and then see an attorney's advice.
Pray, as you know God can help, he can change people.

Answer 5

Only you can decide when enough becomes enough and whether youre better off with or without him. With his nice/mean/nice pattern,and loss of 2 good jobs, Id say he has something deep insidethat is bothering him and it comes up during his mean period. To find out what is truly bothering him is going to be no easy task and until you do this will probably continue. No doubt you cant survive on your salary so he will have to grow up real soon and deal with his problem or risk losing everything. Its totally up to you unless you can get him some professional help which is not easy either. Good luck

Answer 6

It would seem like he really does not know what he wants....or he just wants you around until he can find someone new and exciting. I honestly think that you should consider moving on....no one can live there life with a so called "Partner" that plays these kind of mind games or wondering if and when the person who "says" they love them and wants to spend the rest of there life with will pull the pin....its not far to you or your children...if you have any. I understand that it is hard to make this type of decision....but unfortunately he has put in the position where you are going to have to do something.
Best of luck

Answer 7

Wow...that is a tough situation. My husband kind of did the same thing to me. He met a woman on-line, and has told me 3 different times he was going to break it off with her and stay with me, but just a month ago decided he wanted a divorce and wanted to try life with her.
Nearly everybody advises to me is to get over him and move on. I'll be honest, I'm finding that incredibly difficult to do, but I am trying and would suggest you try the same thing. If he's going to continue to quit jobs and emotionally swing from one extreme to the other, it will DRIVE YOU CRAZY. Don't let it, you deserve better!

Answer 8

I won't sugarcoat the truth to my opinion on your answer this is not a marriage if he is disappearing and won't say where he is going. TO me he is using you to pay the bills and he can't keep a job tell HIM you had enough and you want a trial seperation unless he agrees to go to marriage counceling to work out your problems. Where does he get off telling you he decided to keep you? You are a human being with feelings not a pet or toy. What nerve I would kick his bum to the curb. Look out for yourself something tells me he is up to something shady maybe has a tramp on the side. You are too good to tolerate such crap.

Answer 9

ok just to let you know I am going threw almost the same thing right now. Keep going forward. You now are being independent and that scares men. Can you leave him?? Do you wnat too? When you say mean is it just verbally? Need just a little more info. I would love to talk this out with you. Maybe by talking you can help me in my wreck of a life!!!!!

Answer 10

Well, I guess he sounds a little confused, so I wouldn't jump ship just yet. Tell him that you love him and you want to be supportive during this time that he clearly needs in order for him to discover what he wants. If he still wants you and you still want him then good for both of you. Its possible, though, that you two have simply grown apart and are not longer right for each other.
Remember, everything will be alright in the end. If its not alright, then its not the end. Good luck.