I have a friend who has been married for 20+ years. In his words she is physically and verbally abusive. She is controlling and jealous of his relationship with their daughter. After she accused him of having an affair he finally had enough and moved out. He accepted a job 3 hours away and started to rebuild his life. 2 weeks ago they got together to hash out some of the details. The conversation ended with her talking him into marriage counseling. He says he'll give it a shot but was doing so with a lot of apprehension. By nature he is very passive and she is very... uh, assertive... spelled c-o-n-t-r-o-l-l-i-n-g.
Anyone care to sound off?
What is your best guess, can a leopard change her spots?
Can this marriage be saved with the help of a therapist?
2007-04-22 05:39:27 · 11 answers · asked by Never.moon.a.werewolf 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not really unless both parties are truly committed to change.
After age 28 it requires significant emotional event to actually change behavior patterns and sometimes the threat of divorce is sufficient. I doubt her sincerity, just trying to control him with a fake life preserver. he is correct to be wary and ready to bolt out of there.
Since he has moved and begun rebuilding, I really view this as a power play on her part and he should skip it and get on with his life in a new city and close her chapter.
Cynical- not really, I think that is realistic.
Old Guy
2007-04-22 08:11:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, marriage counseling can work, if both parties want it to. In this situation it seems, however, that the wife wants to change the husband, and the husband is the one, as perhaps has always been the case, who is willing to give in.
It could work, but again, it all depends on if the couple can see what's going on with the other person, and also, not every marriage counselor is the same, so sometimes it takes more than one attempt, just to find the right chemistry.
2007-04-22 05:50:27 · answer #2 · answered by John B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never had any faith in a marriage counselor if you can't sit down like two normal parties and talk with each other, then you might as well hang it up. It's over and a counselor want be told the whole story , no one sits down with a stranger and tells them everything about their marriage, I have a friend she and her husband never got any good out of it, except a big bill that they couldn't afford. More trouble started about the bill which either one was willing to pay, that made another problem in the marriage.
I saw on Cheaters a real pretty lady and her husband went to a counselor and when Cheaters caught them on camera, it was counselor who he started cheating with , not any other party. When they met he fell for her and she started a affair with him and that is your marriage counselor for you., their human also.
2007-04-22 06:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling does work, if the parties are willing to work at it, and if they believe there is something to be salvaged. They both need counseling on their own as well, to deal with unresolved issues that have nothing to do with the marriage, but are very likely affecting it.
2007-04-22 11:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by daisyever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I'll sound off. It sounds like you have one very clear picture of their relationship - from HIS side. Thats a very risky deal. Especially when one appears so angelic and innocent and makes the other out to be the devil herself. Don't be too convinced unless you know her personally. And a man who is quick to blame his wife for the demise of their relationship doesn't sound like a man worth a salt to me. Watch out for this mental gamer.
And marriage counselling does work, when both want it to. BOTH have to WANT it to work. Otherwise its a waste of time.
2007-04-22 05:49:41 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can not change who a person is. I never tried it because my ex said everything was my fault so he wouldn't listen to anyone else anyway.....I wish them good luck on saving their marriage but I am very doubtful that a leopard can change it's spots.....As long as he lets himself be controlled she will continue to do so...If both are willing to work on things then maybe but not if it is onesided..if she goes in believing she is always right and he is the only one with problems it won't work..
2007-04-22 05:52:32 · answer #6 · answered by JustWant2B 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ithink counseling only works if both parties are 100% into saving the marriage. If one has already "checked out" then it probably won't work. But at least you friend can say he tried.
2007-04-22 05:49:01 · answer #7 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Whether or not marriage counseling works depends on what the couple is willing to put into it.
2007-04-22 05:47:20 · answer #8 · answered by lily_florance 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, marriage counseling works, but not all the time.
2007-04-22 05:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by cidyah 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes, it is worth a try. I personally would never tolerate hitting, no matter what, but different strokes, they say.
No, a leopard cannot change their spots.
2007-04-22 05:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋