cheating all the time. I think he has also been physical in the past. My husband would never think to treat me this way, so I have no experience in this. I want to help, but I don't know what to do! Any advice? (they have 2 small boys)
2007-04-22 03:52:26 · 16 answers · asked by sophiensamsmom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has NO reason to think she's cheating. I guess he was like this when they were dating.
2007-04-22 04:23:59 · update #1
Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do , other then give her your moral support and be there for her if she needs you .
If you have proof of physical abuse then that's a different situation , domestic violence , or assault is a crime and as such he can be arrested , anyone can report this .
I am ashamed to say there are men in this world who treat their wives this way , he must have some real issues that need immediate attention , but as I said unless she asks for your help .. how can someone do that to the woman they love ..the mother of his children is beyond me .
Your friend needs to take control of her life and be strong .
There are probably battered women's support groups or shelters in your area maybe contact them and ask them for advice and make someone aware of her situation ..but getting involved any more then that could put your friend and your friendship at risk . Keep a close watch on things , but ultimately she has to admit to herself there is a problem and be strong enough to either leave or deal with it ..I know what I'd do if it was my Friend but 2 wrongs don't make a right ..
Get her to open up to you if you can and let her know what he is doing is wrong and there are people who can protect her from this disgrace to society
2007-04-22 04:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by myopinionforwhatitsworth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you can never make someone do anything they do not choose to do please let her know that you are there for her and that you will support her and help her in any way that you can.
Get the numbers of some shelters or safe havens that she can go to or call when she is ready.
I lived through a marriage with physical, verbal and sexual abuse. Those that have never been in the position do not realize the power that words and actions have on someone over a period of time. (the time may be short or small) In the beginning you believe them when they say they are sorry and will never do it again. (because you surely are not in one of "those" marriages that only happens to others) After a while you believe that you are worthless and no one would ever want you. It takes a strong person to choose to get out and stay out.
My best friend was murdered by her abusive ex and fortunately for her she had confided much to me and I was trying to get help for her but the night she was going to leave he showed up and killed her. My testimony helped to put him behind bars for murder one!
Please talk to her!
2007-04-22 04:06:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend she needs to pack her bag, take her kids, and RUN!
Don't walk, Don't wait, Don't "Seek Counseling", Don't sue for divorce, RUN!
This situation will only get worse as it progresses. Abuse has nothing to do with right or wrong. His behavior is about CONTROL. If he feels he does not have control, he will escalate to a higher level. It starts with arguments and verbal abuse. He makes her feel bad so he can feel better.
She gets all hang dog and apologetic and he accepts that as his control. It progresses to arguments, and accusations. Then one day, he will feel like his control is slipping, and he'll hit her, if he hasn't already.
He'll be all apologies afterwards. "Baby, I'm sorry...You made me so angry, you MADE me hit you..."
Do whatever you can for your friend, but she needs to get away; and not just around the corner. Leave the city or town, move to a different state if she has to, put as much distance between this guy and herself as possible.
It isn't fun or pretty, and it isn't fair that SHE should have to be the one to leave, but if she stays, it will only get worse. If YOU have friends or family in a different part of the country, see if you can get them to help. NOT her friends or family. He will know those people, and some of them may be tempted to "HELP" by trying to get them back together. The biggest reason that women do not leave an abusive partner is the feeling that they have no where to go. It means giving up her job and her home and her town, and being totally alone, and "What will I do with the Kids". If you can set her up with a support network, she will make it out.
Good luck to you and your friend.
2007-04-22 04:18:49 · answer #3 · answered by dr.dryice 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With my ex husband it started with verbal abuse. Not a day went by that he didn't call me names oer acuse me of cheating. The words were later added with slaps, hitting & punching. No matter what I did it was never enough or right. I'd leave, he'd apologize. I came back & it was good for a while but would eventually start again.
I was not able to leave for good until something tragic happened. One night he & his buddies went out to try to buy some drugs. He met a woman at a bar. The woman was an addict & pregnant. She told him she could score for him. But instead of doing that, she bought them for herself. He murdered her in cold blood. It was not until that happened that I realized I could be next. Or that could have easily been me. He went to prison & I was finally free. But what a price it came at.
I encourage you to learn all you can about domestic violence so you can help your friend. It won't be easy & you can't push. But when she's ready, you'll be there & be able to help.
I am happy to say that I am now on my own two feet & married to a great & loving husband. So there is life out there just waiting for her to grab it.
2007-04-22 05:02:22 · answer #4 · answered by Vyctorya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since youre not really sure of whats happening here nor have any realevidence, you can contact a local womans help group and explain the situation, with the understanding that she is scred of pressing charges or filing for divorce due to threat of retaliation by him. Theyll be able to help without getting you further involved .You can either tell her or not what youre doing but that no matter what happens youll be there for her. If you have evidence,then you can go to the authorities on possible domestic violence. Good luck
2007-04-22 04:05:56 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't anything you can do until she decides to do something about it. Somehow men can sweet talk their way after the fact and it makes a woman think that the guy is so truly sorry and that it "will never happen again" but it always does. About the only thing you can do is make sure she is alright by checking in on her. I wish you the best with this.
2007-04-22 04:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by Maggie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can be a shoulder for her to cry on, you can tell her what a looser her husband is, you can tell her how she is wasting her life away and how her boys will grow up to be just like their daddy but at the end of the day it`s her decision to leave and she will but only when she reaches the bottom and then she will need you more then ever.
2007-04-22 04:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your friend really loves him and wants to make the relationship work, then maybe she can see a counselor for herself first. Then, hopefully, her husband would be willing to see one, alone, and eventually together. I know because my husband and I have each been seeing a counselor, and now we are both in couples counseling together. We are doing wonderful now. Thank god my husband agreed to go! He said he would do anything to make our relationship work! If he would not have gone, I would have realized that he does not take our relationship serious enough, and we would not be together anymore! A relationship only lasts if both the husband and the wife are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work! Love is the key! You have to love each other!
2007-04-22 04:38:23 · answer #8 · answered by terrie j 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not much that you can do. Just be there for her. Tactfully talk to her about seeking help from domestic violence or someplace like that. Maybe they can help her make the decision that she needs to make. Personally I think she should leave the man, and if he gets physical have a restraining order on him.
2007-04-22 04:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue being a good friend...encourage her to think of herself and children. Dr Phil: "Children would rather be from a broken home than live in one." Speaking from experience I will tell you that give it some time...he will eventually kill any love she has for him and then she'll leave him. I feel her pain.
2007-04-22 04:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by luvofrosalitas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋