I am at the end of my rope!!!! PLease help.?

Question

I have two boys in elementary school (3 rd grade). Two days ago, my one son came home and informed me that a boy in his class threatened to "Blow his brains out". I went to the teacher, and found out that the boy is real trouble, and had threatened this before. He has also been known to carry knifes to school. I live in California, and the school also has a real problem w/ gangs...(yeah I am talking about elementary school). I went to the principle of the school, and she basically told me my kids would be better off in homeschool... Both are straight A and B students. They have lots of friends..... But what do I do.... I can't sit around and wait for something awful to happen to my kids! I have been in tears for 2 days now...... All the while, nothing bad is going to happen to this other boy, or any of the gang members in the school. I am so angry! What should I do????????? Why are the schools letting good kids do without and giving the benefit of education to these degenerates?

The boy wasn't even suspended the 1st time.... he is suspended for 2 days this time. In my opinion this just isn't enough..... p.s. the mother acted like it was no big deal that her son did this, and she got mad at the school.... also the police were involved both times... nothing came of that either!

Answer 1

It sounds to me like this child is somewhat "protected"... there are a couple things you need to find out.

Has this child been known to bring a knife to THIS school? or was it in the past, at a different school and maybe that is the reason he is now at this school...?

If the knife was brought to this school... what is the policy? Is there a ZERO tolerance policy? (meaning if a student brings a weapon to school that is grounds for immediate EXPULSION)

If there is a ZERO tolerance policy... Is that student in SPECIAL EDUCATION? (being in special education does not mean that he has mental retardation... there is a possibility that he is emotionally disturbed or just has a learning disability) If he is in special education and he brought a knife to this present school, it is possible that the school did a "manifestation determination" (this is a report by the school psychologist which indicates whether the student acted this way due to his disability... his actions were a manifestation of his disability. In this case, the student will not be expelled. Also, if he is in special education, you need to take into consideration that he will only be able to be suspended for a certain amount of days during the year, no more than that (i think its ten days). It will be difficult (but not impossible) to "get rid" of this student if he is in special education because of california laws.

Furthermore, if that student is a gang member or if his family is involved in gangs, going to the school board and trying to get him kicked out of school is dangerous because maybe you would be able to put that child out of your kid's school, but you might possibly be at-risk of being attacked by a gang (drive-by shooting, your kids to be bothered, etc.) I would only recommend that you go to the school board if there isn't a zero tolerance policy at your district. In this case I would urge you to go to the school board and try to change it so that a zero tolerance policy is established.

OK, so what could you do about this situation? Find out if this school is an underperforming school (meaning, on state tests is this school low performing?) you can find this information on the school's website or by going to the school district and asking for a copy of the most recent (2005-2006) "school accountability report card" of your school. CST (california standarst test) results. This report will also indicate whether the school met AYP (adequate yearly progress) requirements. If the school did not meet AYP requirements, your children have the RIGHT to an appropriate education under the NCLB Act (no child left behind). What you need to do in this case is find a private school of your preference and once you find a private school you like, go to the school district and tell them that since your kids belong to X school (due to your address), and X school is not meeting AYP requirements, you would like your children to attend X private school. Your school district is required to PAY for your children's education at the private school. The district will probably want to find a way out of paying for your kids to go to private school because of the EXPENSE it has on the district , however, this is a right that your children have and you need to advocate for your children's education and most of all, their safety. Since the school they are presently attending is not satisfying safety needs and since your kids are good students, and the school is not meeting AYP requirements... the school district has to pay for your children's education at a private school where they receive an appropriate education by "qualified" instructors.

Offering home instruction is a way for the school to get out of paying for your kids to go to a private school. Honestly, as a school psychologist, I don't believe that home instruction is the BEST option for your children, when the real problem is the school environment.

I hope this information is helpful in your decision making.

Answer 2

Hey good evening!! (= well yes this can be relay frustrating but the best way is move your kids from that school since the principle is not taking serious action..because if even when the police was involved the matter was still not solved!! because if u don't take your child away they may hurt him relay bad not an elementary school but a normal different school Ur kids are very bright they don't deserve treatment like this and your an amazing mum u don't deserve to see your kids tortured like this (= but don't do homeschooling they'll lack out in allot of activities just put them in a different school. Exactly some schools are ridiculous but the best is put them in a different school and tell your kids to not have any contact with these gangsters!! anyway i wish u all the best for u and your kids don't worry so much i am sure everything will be fine if u need any thing else en quires or anything just drop me a mail see u then take care good day (= and dont stress so much sweetie things will be fine trust me!!! god bless u

Answer 3

I understand that u want ur kids to be social and have friends, but in this case u don't want ur kid to be around others that can influence them or worse, hurt them. I believe one of the best thinks to do for parents who want to home school, is to get them into things such as karate, sports they like, performing arts stuff. Some thing where there still learning social skills and have better chances in life. A LOT of parent who home school their children r smarter, more well behaved, and have so many more opertunaties than other kids because they have the time and choice to get active in things like piano lessons, tap or other forms of dancing. A sure ur boys that they can keep the friends they have, but they'll have to come over to the house and/or join an activity that ur boys want to do be involved with.

U won't be limiting ur boys from an kind of freedom, u would be providing safety and more freedom to get into things that will expand their mind, develop social skills, meet new people, and all the while be learning about their talents that the will be able to discover.

U r not a bad mother for putting them in a different school or to home school them. I was at a school like ur boys my 5-6 grade. It was horrible. I was so miserable. The difference was I never spoke up to my parents about the things that went on when I was their. when they saw a note that had been put in my locker by one of the kids, I was out of their. I never saw the note, my dad read it before I did. It was probable good that I didn't see it. Same thing as ur boys r going through. 5th graders that were gang bangers. That was 1995. Do them and urself a favor, get them out of there. It not a game and I don't want u to some day regret not doing something about it. If u can change or better a bad situation like this or in life, the best thing to do is extract urself from the problem... Especially when nobody will help or listen. U can't chance the school system or the other kids, but u can chance ur and ur boys lives. Do what U FEEL is right, don't compromise, and don't wait.

The best of luck and I'll be thinking and praying for u and ur family.

Answer 4

Start writing a letter. In that letter put down briefly the situation with names etc. Then you make copies you send a copy to the following people The Board of Eduction in your area, the school principal, state board of education and march to the police department and make a complaint whether it is filed or not. Make sure you have copies of EVERYTHING. Find out if your state has a law about bullies and proceed from there. Does your school have a PTA/PTO? Write them a letter also. Make noise LOTS of noise! If you have to write to any and all tv stations to see if they will cover this story. E-mail other states PTA's get the ball rolling now. I had a lot of problems with school bullies and my son. I went everywhere and anywhere. This is a part of the problem when you hear the incidents in schools. Bring that up too. You are your childs voice. PTA's everywhere will help you. I am part of the PTA in my children's school and it gets the voice out loud and clear. I am so enraged by what the teacher and what this school has done to you and your children. That I can't type this fast enough! This is a problem everywhere. Many people think that elementary schools don't have problems they do. Your children have the right to an education, to be safe while getting that education and no one should be standing in the way of that. Report it to your local paper. Tell as many parents that will listen. Get a few parents whether it's two or two hundred go to the next board of education meeting and let them know. By you sending the letters you have it written down, by you facing the board of education let's them know you are an informed parent and because of that you can hold them responsible for anything that happens to your children. Also this is getting in the way of your children learning. I know how scared, angry,and upset you are I've been there. Look into any child advocacy groups they too will help. I will have you and your children in my prayers. And am sending you positive vibes you will get something done. It is in your nature to protect and keep your children safe. Remember make copies of EVERYTHING. Also get in touch with anti-gang units you can ask your local police department, while your there making the complaint.

Answer 5

I seem to remember a case where a School did nothing and something bad was going on. It turned out the School was liable for not doing anything about it even when they knew what was going on. A lawyer might be able to fill you on some details. You might also try to get the Networks interested in the problem, what School boards and School district authorities really don't want is bad publicity. The more you stand up to your rights the more other parents will probably stand up to their rights as well. The principal is just plain washing her hands of the entire problem. What you have going for you is that the Virginia Tech incident is still fresh in most parents minds, maybe a whole bunch of flyers with some grabbing line like Is (name of school) the next Virginia Tech? or something like that. Try to hold a meeting with parents of children that think the same and a law enforcement officer at the same time, and a lawyer, and a member of the school district, and a representative of the school. Ask them whether the term blowing someone's brains out is normal in third grade? Ask the school authorities what the plan to do about it? Ask the police enforcement officer what they can do or not do about this? Try go get your mayor and your state congressman or woman interested in this, or Mr. Governator himself.
It is a lot of work but if you get enough parents interested you might do something about it, maybe there are more people like you in other places with the same problems in different schools across America, perhaps they can help as well.

Good Luck

Have courage

Answer 6

Have you went to the police about this? The police will intervene and regardless of it being an elemetary school or not something will happen. It might be just the wake up call this kid needs. If this kid has been known to threaten why is he still at school? Should he have not been expelled by now? Makes you think about how the teachers are handleing it all as well. If they truly cared for their students safety this child would not be in school anymore.
You are right as well should you wait around for something bad to happen and what do you do? You say the principal says your children would be better off home schooled but you are unsure because they have a lot of friends? Well they can still have their friends while being at home. How would you feel if you decided to let them stay and something did happen? It is something you would never get over.
Contact the police and homeschool your kids even if it is just for a little while.

Answer 7

Does the school lack a 'zero tolerance' policy? At any school here (AK or in WA previous district) that would be grounds for expulsion from the school. Take this further, go to the school board. My guess is the principal has lost control of the school and is scared of kicking these kids out because of retribution. If she's anything like the principal here (also a woman) she's 5 foot nothin' and weighs 100 pounds soaking wet, hardly an authority figure...even for a 3rd grader. You should not be forced to wait for something awful to happen, nor should you be forced to home school to protect your children.

Band together with the parents of your sons' friends and make yourselves heard at board and district meetings. Be vocal and loud. Call all your politicians, complain loudly that threats of violence are not being taken seriously at this school. Right now as it sits, should that child do something to yours the district has opened the door wide open for a lawsuit that will bankrupt them. They are responsible for your child's safety at school and they need to step up and do something. Gangs should not be a huge problem in elementary school and wouldn't be if parents, teachers, principals and the community as a whole put their collective feet down and did right by these children.

To find out the schools official policies, use google and search for "your school district". The address will look like www.asd.k12.ak.us (<-- Anchorage School District, Alaska) or www.msvl.k12.wa.us (<--Marysville School District, Washington).

Good luck!

Answer 8

Personally, I believe that the principal was correct in saying that your children would be better off being homeschooled. Homeschooled kids are usually better adjusted to society than the ones going to public schools. If you can't afford to do this or don't want to, than I would suggest a catholic school. Usually discipline is much tighter in private schools. Public schools have all kinds of dumb regulations that they have to deal with and are basically rather undisciplined in their approach to control of the students behavior. If you can't afford a private school ask about scholarships. Sounds like your children are serious about their schooling so that might help you get a leg up. If that doesn't work than ask about "charter schools" some of these are quite good I understand. I really empathise with your problems and I hope and pray that you find a solution. Sometimes you just have to roll with punches and make a big change.

Answer 9

Try to homw school or put Them in a private school or get the students information and call the parents have your son find out how does that boy get home and follow him one day wheter its a school bus or a parent if its a parent picking him up talk to the parents
if its a school bus follow the bus and have your son identify
the kid and wait til he gets off and follow him and get the address of his house and call information and talk to the mother or father or whoever is raising this little demon and if thats not possible go to the principles office and threating him to call investorgators,human services anyone to scare the principle tell him you are putting a add in the paper if he does not do something this kid has got to be punished and investigated did they not see what happend in fl with the kid stabbing the other kid to death and that kid is in prison for the rest of his life and the VA tech thing well all that happend because the authorities ignored the situatuion
YOu will be in my prayers wish you the best of luck

Answer 10

WOW! Im not surprised that the poice aren't doing anything about the situation. And the mother of that other child really dont care enough for her child to put a stop to it, it's like a no win situation. I know that you dont want to take your kids out of school but you dont want them to be taken out in a body bag. See if you and a few other parent that feel the same way can come together and have a small group to home study.This way you woun't be depriving your child of there freinds. I know that there are other parent who probly feel the same way about the school and that child. Once something happen then they are going to investagate. I feel that there is no need to then the damage is done and you cant get a life back no matter who is to blame. GOD BLESS AND GOOD LUCK hopefully someone can come up with a solution that will work for you and your children

Answer 11

Checking for another school in the district can be a good idea, also private or home schooling.
BUT I do agree with the others about not letting this go further.
Call someone! the school board, the school's administrator, the police, social services...etc etc
and if none of that works...the press, the kids parents, etc etc.
I'm a big mouth and I would totally throw a fit on the school for that type of crap.
Good luck!