What would you do?

Question

I don't know what to do. Im driving all morning... about 200 miles. I'm at Starbucks. I'm in the middle of nowhere and I dont' know where to go. I'm angry, confused, and guilty.... guilty of being me or something... I don't know. I'm posting on a fraggin' web site. what a joke. who should I tlak to. what happened... I don't know. I really don't know. Yesterday my wife and I went to my inlaws house to spend the weekend. we're getting ready to celebrate our second child. She's a girl. last night I had a few drinks with her mum and pop. I normally don't drink so I only new one or two. I had three and fell asleep on teh couch. I woke up this mroning with my sister-inlaw on top of me. i didn't wasn't thinking at first but she was on top of me. I was in her.... and don't know how I got in this position but it felt good. I knew right away it wasn't my wife and freaked... but it felt too good and I continued... felt wonderful and then it was finished... she kissed me. said its our secret.

she wnt into the shower. Id idnn't know what to say... so I got got myself together, got some of my things and drove... I've been driving all day and don't knw what happened. What did I do to make this hapen? Last night wwe had a lot of fun and played Monopoly. I get a long with my inlaws and i like my sister-inlaw. but now like this... she's Melissa's younger sister. What the hell was she thinking? I've always been faithful. We've been married 5 years and I have never done anything unfaithful to her. Not a damn thing. I beleive in marriage and I don't believe in what I've done... what the hell did I do and why didn't I tell hanna to get off of me? I kept going... I didn't start this but I didn't stop. I enjoyed it but I was not supposed to. I was never supposed to do anything like this. I don't know how it happened. How did she do this to me? I didn't put it there. it was in and I didn't stop. I don't know... Maybe it didn't happen. I can't go back and I don't want to go back.

I haven't called and I know Melissa is wondering what happened to me. I don't have my cell phone and I don't want to clal. So, what should I do? and does anyhoen really give a hoot on these web sites? If you post back don't tell me I was lucky. Youll be a fool if you do. how do I go back and what do I say? how am I to forget this or say I am sorry and that I will never do this again? Why didn't I stop and why did I like it? What a fricken nightmare. what the heck would you do? Going nowhwere... maybe I'll drive to the house and say that I am sick... not sure.

This is something i did? i didn't ask for it or wasn't looking for it. Nadda. Zilch. Thre is all kinds of web sites for rape and molestation... they even taok about feeling guilty about orgasm with abuse victims... what a mess. this doesn't happen to guys. thank you for the posts... I need to think.

I went home last night and showered. I called Melissa and told her that I had to take care of some work at home and apologized for not leaving her a note. She is was very worried about me but understands. Melissa and her family are out shopping for baby clothes today and I will pick her up tonight. Hanna called me a little while ago and said she wanted to come over and talk. She said she was sorry for what happened and that she didnt know what she was thinking. She always considers me like her big brother and doesn't want this to ruin our relationship. She actually thanked me for not telling anyone and actually told me that she feels closer to me now. She said she is coming over to talk to me and will be over in a little while. I told her that she should stay home and stay away. She said that she won't stay away and that she loves me more than I will ever know and that she really wants to keep quiet about this. I called Melissa and told her I will pick her up this afternoon or tonight.

I am considering waiting around and talking to Hanna. It might be a good thing to get this out in the open with her first. I need to set her straight but I really don't want her in our home. Part of me is curious of what she intends to say. Part of me wants to have sex with her again. This is why I think I have to leave.

I have to say that some of the responses are really way out there. Anyone reading this should read debcat76135's response and also search out web sites such as this:

http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/maleassault/menassault.html#anchor997204

I would recommend that anyone going through something like this to post on a web site if they need to. It is good to get this out in the open but be careful of who you listen to. that is the hardest thing to do. For someone to say that I did this or that it is my fault is really doing a double standard. debcat76135 asked me a private question and she is right. If I were a woman posting this then you would all be screaming for justice but since I am a man most of you are blaming me while I am blaming myself. you should really think about what you way in the future and be very careful on teh double standard advice you are giving to others.

Answer 1

First thing first clam you self down some. I know that sounds hard but try. Next call your wife she is worried sick about you I bet. Tell her you need to talk to her and do so at your house not the inlaws. Basicly you were raped by the yonger sister. Tell your wife what happend but leave out the enjoying it part while it was not wrong on your part she dose not need to hear that. Be honest about every thing else though. Just because your a man dose not mean you can't be raped. Seek out help form a professional. Email me if you need more support.

Answer 2

This is horrible. I do feel like you were somewhat a victim here. It's to bad you didn't throw her across the room but what's done is done.
You need to get your wife home alone and tell her how much you love her. Then tell her exactly what happened and how horrible you feel.You might even want to show her this post because it's obvious how distressed you are.
I don't think you would have sought to cheat on your wife with your sis-in law and hopefully your wife will understand.
Tell her you will do anything, any counseling, she can check up on you, your phone your email...anything she needs to feel safe again.
And above all, stay far away from her sister, she is awful!

Answer 3

Unless you want to harbor this secret all your life, you're going to have to tell your wife. There's also a chance that your sister in law is going to use this as leverage, or simply blurt it out to attack your wife if they get into a fight.

Make sure that you are very clear that you woke up and this was already happening. Make sure she realizes that you did not ask for this and feel terrible about it. When she asks if you finished, tell her it happened so fast after you woke up you didn't really have time to stop it, you weren't clear headed yet.

I wish you well, and I hope your wife is understanding and blames her sister instead of you. I wouldn't be surprised if this is part of a long pattern of behaviour between them, always competing for guys.

Answer 4

Boy, you're in a hard place. How do you know your sister-in-law won't tell? You almost have to go back and confess to your wife, otherwise that girl will always have something over you and you and your wife won't ever be able to move on. Things like this cause alot of pain. Be honest with yourself. You know what you should do. Do what's right in your heart. Figure out what you really want in life and go for it. Don't give up.

Answer 5

Take a deep breath... I know it is not going to help but do it anyways,
This is really bad, you sound sincere and that is the only reason why I am answering your question. As I said it is very bad, and guess what it is going to go even worst before it gets any better.

You need to tell your wife, as bad as it was on your part, it was even worst on her sister's part. But that is not going to matter at her ears, but it will brake her hear nevertheless, she is going to want to hear that is was wrong and that you feel horrible, horrible about it. (This also is not going to matter to her....at least for a while). She must likely going to scream at you do not at any point deny that what you did was wrong but do let her see how bad you feel about it.
Most probably she is going to need time....give her as much as she needs.
As for you, go rent the movie The Last Kiss, I'm serious get it wherever you can and watch it! It is some what close to your situation.
Above all do talk to her, as angry as she going to get at very least she will see you are making an effort to put this behind both of you, alas the sister it just taking advantage of the situation.
Find a friend you can talk to, if you need anyone to talk to put me in your contacts I will get back to you.

You are going to have to be very strong to assume responsability..

I'm not kidding about the movie... go watch it!

Answer 6

you're in real trouble. where are you now? starbucks!? Guess the fact that you had a couple of drinks makes you unaccountable. That's amazing! Of course it felt good, sex usually does! The problem now is she's got this on you, and frankly this sounds odd . I don't recommend you drink if you pass out on couches. You really can't do anything now. You should go back to your wife. If you have a good relationship you should confess. This can't be kept, and would be hanging over your head forever. This is bad stuff.

Answer 7

OUCH!

Honestly there is not such thing as a secret that will be kept. Just wait until her sister gets mad at you or her and tries to hurt you or her with her little juicy tidbit of information.

Go back, your wife loves you and will she be mad? Yes!
Will you have a tough time rebuilding her trust? Yes!
Will it be worth it? Yes!

Speak to your wife with your heart and also let your sister in law know that this is not going to be your "secret" with her.

At least by being honest and letting your sister in law know that you will not lie and hide things from you wife will show your wife that you are aware what you did was wrong and that you will always be honest with her.

I don't know your wife or your sister in law but is this something that you can live with as a secret? Would your sister in law tell your wife out of spite just to hurt?

I am sorry you have put yourself in such a position.

Hey, writing on an anonymous website to strangers is sometimes all we can do and no matter what it is a brave thing to throw it out there and at least try to find a solution.

Good luck!

Answer 8

That younger sister has probably been harboring a wicked crush on you for a while, and it also sounds like she is a little snot who is jealous of her sister. She used you. It isn't hard to get a man aroused and you sound like you went to bed drunk. I think she just took advantage of the situation but now of course she thinks she has something on you. I think you should tell her in private that she took advantage of you and that you aren't interested in her and you value your wife. Make sure it never happens again.

Go back home. Leaving and driving so far away makes you look guilty of something.

Answer 9

You sound like you mean what your saying. I think you should tell your wife because it was with her sister it is bound to come out sooner or later anyway. People do make it through rough times like this and even though it seems really bad you still need to go back and face your wife. Its not her fault and she is probably very worried.

Answer 10

You have to tell your wife. Secrets don't work in a marriage.

If your wife decides to keep it a secret from her parents and other family members that's her decision. You'll have to stick to that decision.

If your wife decides to leave you, you'll have to support her decision and be understanding. As you said, you have always been faithful but you allowed it to continue when you woke up. (You are still at fault.)

Maybe counseling will help. It will help you with the guilt and maybe it will help your wife get over the anger.