Is my grandfather being irrational?

Question

My mom is helping my grandfather while he is temporarily unable to drive, etc. She has a VERY painful shoulder condition and he is quite demanding. She told him she needs one day a week to herself to relax, and/or get her own stuff done. He told her "I am not happy that you want a day a week to yourself where I cant call you" She said of course she would be available if there was an emergency but she does need some down time. He said "thats fine, any time you cant do something is ok, if I call you and you cant do something its ok to say no, but I dont want to be told ahead of time that you wont be available at all on a particular day." He wants ONLY her to help him. She has plans all day tomorow. She thought it would be more considerate to let him know ahead of time, but he says no, I dont like it presented like that. So, now tomorow, he is going to ask her to grocery shop, etc, and she will unable to do it. He alos likes to throw things back in her face that he did for her before.

SHe worked for him for a while before and he kept the job open and kept her working even though the business was losing money. He likes to throw that back at her.I say it was his choice to keep a business open that wasnt doing well. I really dont understand this stuff though about not telling someone ahead of time that you wont be avialable on a particular day.He is insulted by it, yet if he says its ok if he calls her asking her to do something and she says no. Whats the difference? Isnt t better to know in advance, say if she wont be available Sunday?

she asked me to post this....she agrees it dosent make sense, but lately her dad has been VERY demanding and she was wondering if anyone had any ideas..or if this totally makes NO sense and maybe she should talk to his doc or something.

he has a home health aide for cooking etc, he wants my mom to grocery shop and take him for drives around town just to get out. He says its if you cant its OK but dont tell me ahead of time you wont be available all day.We just dont get it...

She said when he calls her tomorow she is just going to say "no sorry I cant do that today." SHe tells him no when she has to.

Answer 1

He is being mean. Call the doc and see if he can get a home health nurse for that day. Insurance should pay for it.

Answer 2

He doesn't want to know ahead of time so he will not be able to say he din't have any reason to call someone else- get it? I don't know if i explained my self clearly, he wants an excuse to say he had no time to call anyone else. He is running her life, look- nobody should run her life except for her. Older parents can be very, very demanding and extremely irrational. there is a time we get off with the kid/ adult relationship and that is about age 18.
God did not intend for us to be kids forever [obey your parents was only meant for children]. She is acting like an obedient child to him, she needs to say 'no, I cannot do it and I choose not to do it, I will see you once a week, as far as the past is concered I don't care about it, the past is dead--don't try to reserrect it.'' She needs to change her phone number, if he is sick he can call the rescue squad, and she will meet him there. He found out a long time ago she is weak, and he is exploiting that. He is an opportunist and self-centered. He will try anything, even manipulate her through 'guilt'. This is called emotional incest. She needs to let him know his words have no power over her, she is the one who is validating his selfishness. He is also envious of her youth, her chance for a future [with or without a possible mate] because he has none.

Answer 3

Yep, he is being irrational, controlling, manipulative, etc.
Your mother is allowing it. She needs to set boundaries and let him be mad if he wants to be mad--it is his choice to act and feel that way. He was her parent. He was SUPPOSED to do things for her. She has to step back and set some boundaries. He has no right doing what he is doing and is doing it only because he can get away with it. When your mom sets some limits and takes time for herself, he will act up, guarenteed. She needs to find him appropriate care and take her life back. He has no right doing what he is doing and she should go talk to a professional to get the support she needs to be able to set some boundaries and change things. She is lucky to have a daughter like you. You're right on the whole thing.

Answer 4

Grandpa needs a day nurse and also therapy. He's abusive and that often happens as people reach older age and fear dying.

Mom should set up home health care for aged people for him, and get him to agree to pay. If he refuses., She's going to have to get therapy to learn how to walk away from his abuse, and make no mistake, he's abusing her and she's allowing it.

Answer 5

your mom has to be in control of this situation your grandfather sounds like a pain in the *** but that's just how alot of old people are. your mom needs to tell your grandfather when she's available and if he can't handle that then maybe he needs to find someone else to drive him around.

Answer 6

Yes, he's being unreasonable, unless he is paying her to do these things for him. If it is a paying job, then he has the right to make certain conditions and expect her to abide by them. If she, however, is doing it out of the goodness of her heart, then he has no right to expect anything more from her than she is willing to give, nor should he demand it.

Answer 7

Yes he is. but she loves him and she needs to stand her ground. He won't stay mad long cause he obviosly needs her help.

Answer 8

your mums the one in control she should set the rules

Answer 9

sounds like he needs new meds,or better ones

Answer 10

Let your mom handle this. It's her father