How to stop clinginess?

Question

My son is almost a year old and he is unbelievably clingy. I can't walk out of a room without him crying and it's very hard for me to take a shower. Also, he won't sleep through the night. He doesn't want a bottle, he just wakes up and I have to reposition him to get him back to sleep. He won't sleep in his crib. If he falls asleep on the couch, when I take him up to his crib, he wakes up as soon as I lay him down. But if I put him in my bed, he'll stay asleep. Any suggestions from experienced moms?

Answer 1

Is he teething or sick? Has your routine changed with him?

These are all factors that could cause your little one to be clingy or clingier than usual.

Some things that may work for you is to put him in a sling and carry him around for awhile until he decides he wants to put down. This way you can get some things done, while he gets a little contact from you.

When you notice that he is calm, happy put him down and sit with him in your lap on the floor. Put some toys, measuring cups or something that will interest him in front of him and let him play with them. Slowly move him out of your lap when he has the interest of the toys and just sit with him for a little while.

When you need to go into another area of the house, tell him where you are going and unless it is a hazard for him to be in the room you are going into, why not let him follow you?

If you have a spouse, friend or relative to help you out with him, you can also arrange some times where you leave and have someone else look after him for a short period. It sounds like you are needing a break.

I never had an issue with me needing to take a shower, because I shower when my son naps or when he goes to bed at night. It may be easier for awhile to just shower when your son is asleep.

Unless you just do not want to co-sleep, their is nothing wrong with it, especially if you are both resting well. You may want to continue with it, if you are needing to catch up with sleep.

Otherwise, I will tell you what we do. It may, may not work for you. My son has dinner, bath, book and bed around the same time every night. We put him in his crib and he plays until he falls asleep. It took awhile before he was able to do this. We started off putting him in his crib and just standing by the crib until he fell asleep. We then decided it took too long for him to fall asleep, so we layed down by his crib until he fell asleep. After a month or so we decided that he was capable of playing until he fell asleep. So now we just read to him, tell him night night and quickly exit the room. He sometimes fusses for a second, but usually goes to sleep without problems.


It may be that your little one is just trying to tell you that he needs more attention, more cuddles. Even though it can be tiring, I think the more attention you give the better pay offs in the long run. He will soon not want to be held, cuddled and will be independent in so many ways. Enjoy him while he is little and please do not ignore his cries.

My son is over a year, and is very independent. He hardly wants to be held unless he is really tired or is sick. I actually miss the days when I could hold him without him trying to wiggle out of my arms to be put on the floor so he can explore and play.

I wish you all of the luck. Take care and good luck to you and your little one.

Answer 2

When my son was born we just let him fall asleep when he fell asleep. Whether that was in the car, in the baby swing or cuddled up with us on the couch. He had no set bedtime and no "bedtime routine." When he turned one, I was starting to get extremely frustrated with bedtime. Every night I would stand in his room and rub his back until he was asleep...it sometimes took over an hour!

One day I decided we were going to implement a "bedtime routine" and see if it could make a difference in his behavior. We set down the following: Dinner at 6:30, bath at 7, teeth brushed, diaper, pajamas on by 7:30. Then we all sit in his bedroom while my husband reads a bedtime story. When he is done, he leaves and turns out the light. I lay my son in his crib, sign him one song and then walk out.

The first few nights we tried this he obviously cried. I would wait five minutes and then walk back in, rub his back a little and then leave. If he cried a second time, I waited another 5 minutes and went back in again. After the third night our son would voice a little protest when I walked out the door and then go right to sleep!

Now, our son goes to bed every night without a fuss and my husband and I are able to have some down time in the evenings again. I only wish we had started "bedtime" when our son was born!!

Answer 3

They do grow out of this at one point or another, but in the mean time, you could have a mothers night out once a week and leave him with dad. Maybe go visit a friend, or go shopping. I tricked my child. I took a pillow I had slept on and sprayed my usual perfume on one of his burp rags and put them in the crib for him to sleep on. He would fall asleep on me and then I would quietly put him in the crib. This worked pretty good for me. The only other resort is to let them cry it out. Start with a bedtime routine. First bath, then read a book or snuggle. Feed him before bed and then take him around to everyone for kisses and hugs and tell everyone night-night. Then put your child into the bed and say night baby, love you. Close the door and let him cry it out. You could go in there about 15 mins or so, reassure him, then close the door again, the first night. Then after about three nights of this, he'll start going to sleep on his own after crying shortly. Soon, you'll be able to put him to bed with this routine without the crying. I know how hard it is to hear your child cry, I've been there. I always have to have a friend on the phone to help me through it. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

The problem is you allowed him to sleep with you right from the beginning and also allowed him to fall asleep at will on the sofa and then take him up to his room, then he wakes up and you put him in your bed.

You have to put him in his crib every single night at a consistent time and let him fall asleep in his crib. It will take days of heartache and crying but eventually you will break the habit you started as he is too young to have created this problem.

Not sure if you are in the USA, but Nanny 911 and The Nanny have great TV shows and books to help you undo the bad habit of your child's bedtime.

Put your child on a regular schedule. Up every day at a certain time even if you have to wake him up. Feed him his breakfast, bathe him, play with him and put him down for a nap at a certain time every day. Same with your afternoon schedule. Children work much better when on a schedule.

If you have to get up a half-hour early to shower and get yourself dressed then this is what you should be doing.

Your son is nearly a year old and he is going to be attached to you as he looks to you for all his needs and comfort. Please keep in mind he is barely a YEAR OLD.

Answer 5

i know it feels like it will never end but it does. i may be wrong but i dont think little ones can help be clingy some are some are not mine was also a boy he went to my mams when i was at work and he would cry every time for me to hold him because he knew i would give in also tears at door when leaving him with his dad. he started nursery and it all stopped not sure if the nursery or he is older. bear with the bed time do the same thing every night so it becomes a routine. he is alittle young but i put a timer on my sons light and when it went out it was sleep time i stayed with him until he was not scared of this. i am also i believer in controlled crying but sorry to say does not matter how good a routine a baby/child is in something happens and you feel like pulling your hair out . mine slept from 7 til 7 every night going to sleep on his own then when he was15 months he was having none of it not going to sleep unless in my bed you will do anything for sleep yes it is a bad idea just show who is boss have paitience and it will work out trust me i have come out at the other end.

Answer 6

It depends on the kind of life you want to lead, but if you want an easy sleeper, who does not sleep in your bed, I highly recommend you stop putting him in your bed, stop letting him fall asleep wherever - and start putting him in his crib when its bedtime. You may need to let him cry it out a night or two, but it rarely takes much more than that for them to get the hang of it. That will at least tackle the bedtime/nighttime issue.

As for the daytime clinginess, my daughter was like this, and its a phase and will pass. People told me to try getting a see through shower curtain, etc..... but frankly there are just certain things you need to do in life, so I either just took realy fast showers and let her scream it out, or I took showers at night when she was asleep until she got past this phase. Good luck!!

Answer 7

Sadly this is most often caused by an insecure attachment. Maybe you worked a lot and he had to stay with a babysitter, or maybe you guys moved around a lot or something. When a childs needs are not met in a timely manner then this insecurity will develop. It could also be that maybe he is just spoiled rotten. Try this for bath time and doing the dishes etc. Put him in a little car seat or carrier and prop him up where he can see you. Talk to him and let him know that you ARE there but don't always run to him when he cries, just let him cry. He will see you there but you won't be spoiling him by running to his EVERY need. Child only need to have their "needs" met and not their "wants." If you try this then you could reverse the insecurity and turn it into security. Just talk to him, let him know that you're going to be there but that you can't hold him 24/7. Don't let him sleep with you no matter how hard it is. My step daughter used to do that and I got her out of that habit in about 4 days. It was really tough but I hung in there. Good luck.

Answer 8

My son does the same exact thing, he's one and he does exactly the same. but I almost got im broken. I've been laying him down with his cup nd whatever else makes him comfortable pacifier whatever, then when he tries to getup, tell him no! lay down go to sleep they understand laydown, he'll cry but don't budge! Stay in the room while he's doing it, so he knows you're not gonna pick him up. It will take about a week. Mine still cries alittle but it's alot better, I just started last week.

Answer 9

It's time to get tough. My daughter is almost 3 and I have problems with her, because I allowed the behavior to go on. Try saying "mommy has to go to the other room. Wait for mommy" And make it sound like a fun game. He might be ok with it. If he won't go to sleep in his crib, try changing his bedtime routine. Include a book in bed and good night hug. My daughter won't sleep unless we go through this every night, tucking her in and such. She still wakes up sometimes, but we just say goodnight and tuck her in. If she cries, she cries, but she isn't allowed to get out of bed. It works eventually.

Answer 10

Gee I dont' know what to tell you except you are not alone. This sounds Exactly like my grandson.

His mom sometimes had to hold him WHILE she did the dishes. She too could literally not be out of his eyesight.

Mostly I think it is insecurity. At least that seems to be the situation with my grandson. He has a very real problem dealing with change. And new experiences. While he appears to be very outgoing on the surface he is in fact very shy and needs lots of assurance about any new things in his life.

It gets better with time you just have to work with it.