oooooohhhhhhh nnooooooooo please help me!?

Question

i am pregnant. i am 17 and even thought it is legal my mum and dad will kill me. My brother got his girlfriend pregnant when he had just turned 18 and my dad hasnt spoken to him since and that was 3 years ago!!! he says he does not want anything to do with a 'scum' child as he called it... my mother regularly talks to my brother although she does frown upon his relationship with my nephews mother. but she loves my nephew stephen. now im pregnant and the worst part is the father is a boy my dad has banned me from seeing because hes 'not our type'... my family are quite well off but my boyfriend is from the rougher part of town... i dont want to have an abortion becuase i dont like it! i am sooooooo confused please help me... i dont want this baby but i also dont want to get rid of it i cant tell my father!

Answer 1

Rachel,
My heart goes out to you I know this is a very confusing time but you have no choice but to get professional advice about your options. Then you need to talk to the father of your baby and see where he comes into it or not. When you have made up your mind what you want to do then tell you family. Be honest but strong, you have a living baby inside of you and if you want to keep it you have to be strong for him or her. There are so many ways you can handle this and so many places you can go if your parents want you out, dont be afriad. Step back from the confusing situation and think strong and hard about what you want first and foremost. Dont be bullied into anything its your decision your old enough to have this baby your old enough to mind it just be 100% sure thats what you want before you go through the heartache of your dad. Good luck I'll be thinking of you.

Answer 2

I REALLY feel for you. Having said that, you know what your choices are and no matter which way you choose, your parents are going to find out about your pregnancy unless you have an abortion without their knowledge.

If they find out you're pregnant and you still have an abortion, your Father, at least will never let you forget it. So, be prepared to carry the stigma even if you don't carry to term.

You can marry the Father and hope for the best. I don't know the laws where you live, but here, if you carry to term and decide for adoption, the Father gets first claim to the baby if he so chooses. You may not know until the end. He may say he's all for adoption and then change his mind or maybe his parents will want him to keep the child. I just wanted you to be aware of that point, if that's the law where you live.

If you decide to keep the child and raise it yourself, you can probably expect the same treatment your Brother has received. Yes, it can be done, but it will be the hardest thing you can imagine. Your life, especially without the support of your Family will be unlike anything you can imagine, but it can be done and has been done by many and by some who didn't think they wanted to be Mother's in the first place.

Should you choose for adoption and provided the Father does not claim parental custody, you should go to counseling. Even with counseling, you can expect to feel extreme loss, for many years. The loss, if you can imagine it, has been described by Birthmother's as a loss they might feel if a child of their own had died. This is especially true if they were coerced into the adoption. Also, there are what are called "closed" adoptions, where once the baby is adopted you won't know where your child is unless you find each other for some 18 years at the very least.

There are "open" adoptions where you might get promised a certain amount of communication from the child or the adoptived parents. I say promised, because once the baby is adopted, there is no legal way for you to make them do anything you ask. They may, but they would also be in their legal rights to cut you off completely.

So, there are all the options laid out. You know your family better than I. You know yourself better than I. Woman around the world have sometimes had to choose and sometimes they felt they made a good choice and sometimes a bad one. The only permanent thing is abortion and adoption. You can always choose to keep your baby for as long as you feel you have the love, hope and strength. You can always choose adoption at a later stage.

Answer 3

Your mistake was not using protection, obviously. If you abort, do it without telling anyone, not even a best friend! It must be secret. This is the easiest of choices,

If you decide to not abort, you will indeed have to let mom know, unless you totally move out of the house, my suggestion, and quickly. It has to be before you start to show the coming birth of the baby. If you do move, and again, it should be very soon, only you can decide what you will do with the baby....keep or allow adoption

In any case, dad for sure WILL flip out and disown you and call you names. Don;t take it seriously or dad wither. My advice is to realize he has emotional problems, based on the history you've aoutlined already. He is racist, and judgmental, macho and ignorant,. and need s therapy big time. .

You need counseling immediately to deal with this, and do not let any therapist tell you that dad will perhaps be understanding. He will Not accept you or that baby, based on past history. Do not tell mom either if you decide to leave. Just develop a plan the next two weeks and do it. Involve the father of that child, who will be responsible for support under the law. Just have the baby, whether or not married, and you will have to take the responsibility over the next 22 years for that child. Maybe the guy will marry you, if you two love one another. Maybe it will work to at least live together. Living together often works.

You will have loss of family, and eventually, gain of family and new family responsibilities of you don't abort.

LOL

Answer 4

Hm. First you said you don't want to have an abortion. Then you say you don't want this baby. I think you're confused. There's really only 2 ways out if you narrow it down. Either have the baby or not have the baby. If you truly want this child regardless of how your parents will react then go for it. Sometimes, just because your parents don't agree doesn't mean you're wrong. Just make sure you make the right decision before it's too late. If you get rid of the child, you'll never have the child. But if you keep it, it'll be with you for the rest of your life. It must be depressing. Also think of the future. What would it bring to your future? Can you support the child? Okay..well, good luck.

Answer 5

Is there a member of your family or someone close to you that you can tell who could then be with you when you tell your parents. That way if your dad flips out too much someone with an outsiders perspective can try and calm things down. You don't say how your boyfriends family feel about it, hope they are happier about the news and give you some support. Whatever you do don't be forced or guilt tripped into having an abortion if you don't want to, because you'll always regret it.

Good Luck x

Answer 6

Well if you don't want the baby why not have it and put it up for adoption. There are familys who can't have children and would love to have a newborn and they will pay all expenses, too. But your Mom ANd Dad will find out your pregnant pretty soon because you can't hide it for long. ANd there's a reason your Dad told you not to go out with this guy. You can tell he didn't care if you got pregnant or not, if he did he would have used protection. Not only is he from the wrong side of town but also isn't responsible and I bet if you told him it's his, he will argue and tell you it's not because you ahve been sleepig around not only with him. But since your too immature they only thing to do is fess up to the parents and take what's coming to you.

Answer 7

Is there someone you trust that you can talk to a adult, a teacher or next door neighbour or close relative. Also you need to go and see a doctor. a nurse at the surgery is good person to talk to. a young person's advice centre is a good place to go for advice for young adults go the library and ask about a advice centre for young adults. My heart goes out to you and I hope and pray that your situation is sorted soon. good luck and all the best for the future and if you wish you could email me and let me know what happens in the end or if you need someone to talk to. Your situation is not a easy one and in the end its you that has to make the decision of whether to keep the baby or not. Lots of teenage mother manage to cope and they get lots of support from council and social services. Go to the advice centres and your surgery for options you have regarding your situation. Take care and all the best!!
lots of teenage mothers manage to still go to college or go to work when the baby is a little older and at nursery. lots of help these days for single mothers so don't worry too much!!

Answer 8

You should talk to your mom. You have a problem not just being pregant but in your last question earier you stated you have a eating disorder where you come home from college and eat then get sick not healthy for a baby trying to grow inside you. Smart enough to be in college at 17 guess you should of known about birth control!

Answer 9

You want the truth,? Or something that wil make you feel better? You got yourself knocked, up because, you didn't learn from your brothers mistake. now you got screwed.
And you are left carring the package. What is it ,you would like to hear?
You should of litsened to your father. You messed up big time . You can only hide it for so long.
So you best start thining real hard and fast. Your screwed.

Answer 10

i am sorry that yo got pregnant so early, but to lead a life at college and have children later, your going to have to either get an abortion if its not too late or give the baby up for adoption when its born. those are the only choices you have or else your going to have to keep the baby and raise, and it will be hard since you are a young inexperienced parent. tell your parents not too be angry in a heart to heart talk and that the best thing is to have the abortion or adoption take place, that your sorry, and that you hope they still love you. sex is best to happen after marriage so things like this can be prevented.