Why do Mormons claim to be family-focused and then smother parents in programs and meetings?

Question

A good parent spends TIME raising his/her kids, right? So why does the LDS church work so hard to rob parents (and children!) of time together?

Meetings, conferences, firesides, youth activities, adult activities, callings, roadshows?

Enough! It's hypocritical!

Answer 1

You've received some pretty good answers, so I will just add a personal experience. I was recently asked to be of service in a particular role in the church (in the Elders' Quorum Pres). My wife is agnostic and sometimes has a hard time with me going to church three hours. Surprisingly, those who asked me to serve were very empathetic and when they asked me to do it they encouraged me to talk it over with my wife and see if it would interfere with our family life. The leaders explained that my family was the most important thing and they didn't want to add any undue stress or tension. They made sure I understood that I should never let anything take away from my family. I talked it over with my wife and she said if it was something I wanted to do she would be supportive. The church understands the difficulties and time constraints of life and always tries to be conducive to that. The top leaders of the church warn members to be cautious and not lose focus.

Answer 2

You know, that's a good question! And you are right!! Very right! In fact, the First Presidency has told us to stop having meetings to plan meetings! It's such a waste, isn't it?

However, having participated in road shows, youth activities, firesides, adult activities and having callings, I know that as a youth it kept me out of a lot of trouble! It got me interesting in a lot of things which I otherwise wouldn't have found. I met a lot of great friends. And I don't regret going to Seminary or youth conference.

Lots of moms and dads put their kids into dance classes and horseback riding and like that. Kids just do have activities. They do! I think it's better that the activities be with other kids who have the same religious background and high standards. That way I can be pretty confident that my kids aren't smoking pot or cussing like sailors...or getting jiggy!

Also, we have the attitude that it takes a village to raise a child. And everyone takes a turn. Sometimes a youth leader can reach a teenager when his/her parents can't. I have seen this! And then that youth leader is sometimes able to help the kid access parental help. I don't feel like I was robbed because my mom had the calling to teach Sunday School. She spent a couple of hours a week preparing a lesson. Those are hours that she might have spent watching soaps! (not that she does...but you know what I mean!)

Furthermore, a lot of times, parents are called to areas where their kids are. Right now, I am in the Primary ...where my son is! I took a turn in the Nursery. We take turns to not get burnt out. It's a good system. It works.

Answer 3

Apparantly, you misunderstood many of our LDS programs.

Church meetings, firesides, or youth activities do not substitute the responsibilities of the parents. Any one stay in the church long enough would know that all the activities in the church are in support of the family.

As a priesthoood leader, a Father,and a husband, I work hard in the church and in my job, so I could spend time with my family.
I work hard so my wife can be a homemaker, so my kids can have all the love and attention of my wife.
We hold Family home evening every Monday evening, so we have quality family time.

The church activities provides wholesome learning experiences for the family and individuals, which more than any school or social program can provide.

Please judge us with a better understanding.

Answer 4

That's an interesting question. I'm not sure what you're background is, so I'll answer a bit broadly with references to further information if you're interested.

The LDS Church operates with a "lay ministry," which means we serve each other. None of us are perfect. "They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick." Above all this makes it especially important that we're patient with each other's mistakes.

I'm sure it's true that occasionally local leaders (they are not professionals and don't get paid anything) put too many burdens on individuals. Because of this it's fairly common for one of the general authorities of the Church, such as the prophet or one of the apostles to remind us of this as in the following quote from M. Russell Ballard, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:

Beginning of Quote

Occasionally we find some who become so energetic in their Church service that their lives become unbalanced. They start believing that the programs they administer are more important than the people they serve. They complicate their service with needless frills and embellishments that occupy too much time, cost too much money, and sap too much energy. They refuse to delegate or to allow others to grow in their respective responsibilities.

As a result of their focusing too much time and energy on their Church service, eternal family relationships can deteriorate. Employment performance can suffer. This is not healthy, spiritually or otherwise. While there may be times when our Church callings require more intense effort and unusual focus, we need to strive to keep things in proper balance. We should never allow our service to replace the attention needed by other important priorities in our lives. Remember King Benjamin’s counsel: “And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27).

End of Quote

The conference address where I found this quote is very good. I've included a link below and believe you'll find it enlightening.

Answer 5

I know for me, since I stay home with my kids all day, I look forward to Enrichment night- where the women of the church get together to discuss topics about how to better our family, our home, or ourselves. This is once a month. We have a 3 hour block of church, but the last few weeks, I have been subbing in the nursery (kids from 18 months to 3 years old), which both of my girls are in, so even at church, they have been with me all the time.

Some of the time, my meetings without the girls gives me a nice break. I do visiting teaching once a month to two women, and that only takes a little over an hour to do, and my kids go with me.

My husband does his home teaching to three families, so that only takes a few hours every month. Right now, he has a calling, but it's only done for an hour during church, so it really doesn't take him away for that long.

The rest of the time, we are with our families. The person that gave you the link for the proclamation was smart!! Read it. It really does say what we think about families.

Even someone who has a big calling only spends a few hours a week on it. There is plenty of time to spend with our families. And we do. I'm sure you can understand what it's like to stay home with kids all day. Sometimes getting away for a few hours a month is a relief, and a nice break. No, I don't have to stay home with the kids, but I choose to. It makes me happy to know that I'm raising them, and that I'm there for all their firsts and for all their cute things they do. I'm not saying that women that work are wrong, they aren't. It's just my choice to stay home. We have the money to do it, so I do. If I had to work I would. And I still do things to keep my license up and to keep all my certs that I need active. But I do enjoy staying home- most of the time!!

Oh you forgot family home evening. I know others mentioned it, but it's a night- usually monday, but each family really sets their own "family night"- where everyone stays home and does things together. We usually have a song, prayer, lesson, prayer to end the meeting and on the food, and then treats. All the family participates, and it's really a nice night.

Answer 6

I cannot smother my parents because they are deceased. I really don't understand your reasoning that the LDS membership smothers their parents in programs and meetings. There are certain meetings we all must attend, but free agency still reigns.

As Divinity mentioned, we have visiting teachers done by the ladies and home teaching performed by the priesthood. Both take time and effort, but none of it is at the expense of the parents. Usually, the parents assist their children in their meetings while participating or driving them to the meetinghouse.

Even the weekly cleaning of the meetinghouse is done on the family level where several families take their turns cleaning the chapel and training rooms.

Underneath your question is a nit-picky complaint raised against the LDS membership.

Answer 7

I'd just like to point out that every example you cited, Meetings, conferences, firesides, youth activities, adult activities, callings, and roadshows can all be great ways to involve the family and strenghen family ties.

You also forgot family home evening.

Answer 8

We have a choice which activities to go to. As a child and a teenager I really loved all the activities. I never had a boring month and my friends and I always had something fun to do, in a safe enviornment, and our parents were never worried about what we were doing.

I will admit that as an adult, and with a child, I have recently been thinking about the topic of your very question. My husband is very busy with the church and I have felt that this at times takes away from his time with us. It's ultimately up to us to make sure we have plenty of family time, and there's nothing wrong with him saying "no" to something. I guess that's a lesson many of us have to learn, to say "no".

Answer 9

I'm trying to keep a straight face, I just found it ironic that everything you listed brings families together. Oh and you missed one, Family Home Evening!
An EXCELLENT example I have is that a little over a month ago, a little girl I know was baptized and confirmed a member of the LDS church. The whole family got together to celebrate. Little did they know this would be the last time their whole family was together. This little girls brother died 2 weeks later in a car accident. If it weren't for this little girl and her decision to accept God into her life, her family wouldn't have had that ONE last reunion. The decision she made that day will continue to bless her for the rest of her life. I know from personal experience! I was baptized a year ago and have had nothing but blessings overflowing from heaven. Do trials and hardships still happen? Of course, but the difference is that they're easier to cope with when you have an unshakable foundation to stand on which can only be God.
The best to you and yours,
Sarah

Answer 10

I honestly think you're just grasping at straws, looking for something to criticize Mormons about. I'm a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and the high emphasis on the importance of family is one of the greatest things about the way I was brought up.

I've been taught that the family is central to God's plan for us. We also believe that families can be together forever, if we accept the Atonement of Christ and follow his example. Christ's ministry was dedicated to teaching people, and families, how to live their lives in order to achieve true, lasting happiness. Most LDS families have a "Family Home Evening", too.

Have you ever read "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" which was issued by the LDS church to encourage individuals to strengthen the family? It's pretty awesome, if you want to take a look at it. My family has it in a picture frame hanging in the living room of our house.

http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,00.html

My parents, and my church, have instilled all the right morals in me as a person. They aren't good parents...they are GREAT parents, and I think being a part of the Church has done nothing but benefited them, as well as my siblings and me.

As for the Firesides, Youth Activities, etc...is it wrong to interact with people our age, as well, outside of the family once in a while?

The emphasis on the importance of family is one of the greatest things about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.