Why does my boyfriend need constant attention?

Question

We've been dating about two years. It seems no matter what I do, it's never enough for him. If we're not cuddling for five minutes, I get lots of whining and he accuses me of "not liking him" and being "cold". It's become a lot worse lately. And if it escelates into a fight (wich isn't uncommon), he throws stuff around and storms off like a little kid. What am I supposed to do? What would make someone behave this way?

I mean, maybe it's just me, because I really do hate cuddling, but I still do it sometimes to make him happy. He just seems to want it literally all the time. Plus, I can't hang out with friends without him getting really, really upset and calling me every few minutes to yell at me for it.

What's with the constant need for attention here?

Some people mention ADD/ADHD. This is odd because he has been diagnosed with ADHD (hyper) and I have been diagnosed with ADD (not hyper). So we both suffer from adult attention defficit disorder. Do you really think this has something to do with that?

Answer 1

What is it exactly that you find appealing about dating him?

Answer 2

OMG I know what your going threw I had an ex like that drove me crazy your bf is probably very insecure and need you to be all over him to know that your into him good luck sister its only going to get worse the thing about calling you when your not with him he may be doing something he shouldn't its usually a sign if someone is cheating they accuse the other person and think there doing it as well which would make him call a lot when your not together or he is just scared you'll meet someone else while your not with him you should sit down and talk to him about this cause it will only get worse and he could end up being very controlling

Answer 3

Sounds like a dependent puppy that was weaned too soon.
His jealousy issues stem from insecurity, the anger is a cloak to hide vulnerability. You can neither make him mature nor explore his inner demons with you. He needs counseling (a therapist) and some regular sessions discussing events in his life and how they impact his values and behaviors.
You've got a big baby, a spoiled one, on your hands. It won't change, it'll escalate.
And there's no way out for him except to develop new methods of coping and expressing himself.
Bummer, sad but true. I've seen it enough AND had personal, draining, experience.
Well, you can have a star . . .

Answer 4

I am the same way...cuddling is not my way of expressing feeling. Communicating is.

He sounds a little on the insecure side which can be a bit dangerous if they freak out every once in a while.

Let me tell you now: You are doing nothing wrong.

You need to tell him, seriously, over the phone (so he doesn't go into another tantraum) : "You know, if I didn't like you then why would I have hung out with you today? I'm starting to worry about you. Please tell me what's causing you to doubt me and everything. Come on."

Answer 5

He sounds very immature and needy. He also sounds possessive and controlling, which are not good things to have in a healthy relationship. You may need to take a step back from the relationship for a minute, because it sounds as if he's crowding you, and you are desiring space.

Answer 6

he has been hurt in the past, and just doesn't want to be hurt again. After two years though, that's getting old. If he has no reason to trust you when your out with your friends, you have to decide if you can deal with this for the rest of your life in a close relationship. Obviously, talking to him about his isn't helping after two years, so....your call.

Answer 7

Honeslty he obviously insecure about himself and you relationship! And i hate cuddling too and i do give in some days but you cant cuddle with him all day. You honeslty gave two options. Sit his butt down and talk to him reassure him and let him know that that whining sh** gotta stop. option 2 is to let him go. You been with him for 2 years and u have to reassure him constantly and if you dont he throws a tantrum. he throws stuff girl he needs to go seriously he's throwing stuff and gonna throw something at you one day. he needs some one to rub his ego and obviously your not into that. Dont blame yourself for his action hun you need someone thats going to take you how u are you hate cuddling he wont mind, and someone who is secure about themselves before they are secure about a relationship. He get co-dependent if they are insecure. I think u need to let him go!!

Answer 8

Dear, it`s called possessiveness and there is no cure for it. He only gives himself value through you and it is very destructive. Some people get it under control but after years and years of hard work on themself and many failed relationships. This behavior is NOT a demonstration of love. It`s the result of his low self-esteem.

Answer 9

This is called grooming. He is grooming you to knuckle under and listen to him. If he throws things, how long before they are headed your way? You should have someone who respects you and your relationship. Friends are important to some and not to others when they are in a relationship. Please do not be controlled. Tell him that if he wants to run a relationship then he needs to find someone else to boss around and be done with it.

Answer 10

I dated one of those and let me tell you, those kind will wear you out!
He probably has Attention Deficit Disorder and he's probably bipolar. Among other things he's immature and wants to be in complete control.
It will only be a matter of time, your patience will run out. You can't help him.

Answer 11

constant need for attention = insecurity!
just be careful....don't get stuck in a relationship where you are not able to be yourself.
He seems very controlling and selfish!
my advice is that you should move on....you can try make it work but i don't think that he will change seeing that it has been going on for so long.

i know it is tough but you need to stand your ground and be strong enough to stick up to him.
Good luck!