my family say I am too hard on my 5 year old boy?

Question

I am trying to raise my son to be well mannered and respectful to other people... problem is my family keep telling me that I am being too hard on him (this even includes me expecting him to sit at a table until he has finished his dinner) and it sometimes seems as though they are encouraging him to disregard what I say in their presence. Anyone else had similar probs?

Answer 1

He is your son, you are doing the right thing, you stick with it.

Answer 2

I get the feeling that this question has less to do with how long your child is at the table, and more to do with who gets to make parenting decisions. Keep in mind that a lot of parenting decisions are matters of personal opinion. Different people believe different things are best. One of our neighbors lets her children run all over the neighborhood. My wife is more comfortable keeping our kids within earshot. Neither answer is RIGHT, they are just DIFFERENT.

That being said, it is important that you put your foot down with respect to raising your children. You (and your spouse, if applicable) are the ones who get to make decisions about how your kids are raised. While it's OK for others to give input, it is not OK during a discipline situation, and is NEVER acceptable in front of the kids. It is also not OK for them to badger you once you have decided. Remember that they are YOUR kids. YOU have final authority. Let others know that if they cannot respect your rights as a parent, they cannot see your children. Period. Additionally, if they cannot respect your right to be a parent, they can’t see you, either. The last thing any parent needs in life is someone else undermining their authority. If people don't like the way you raise your children, tell them to go make their own, and they can do whatever they feel is appropriate.

Whatever you do, don’t make idle threats. Don’t tell them you are cutting them off, and fail to follow through. Otherwise, they won’t ever listen to you or leave you alone.

Now, with regards to the table thing, I think the best thing to teach them is to eat until they are satisfied, and then ASK to be excused. They can leave, once you (referring to a parent) give them permission. When they leave the table, they are allowed to go to their room and play quietly (alone) until dinner is over. My personal opinion is that it is difficult for a five-year-old to sit still and listen to adults talk. As they get older, I expect them to stay longer, and be part of the group. That’s what I think. You may think differently. Do what YOU think is appropriate.

Answer 3

I choose my battles with my 4 year old. I am a stickler about manners,safety and eating certain things. I was raised the same way (they were more strict than I am) so luckily my parents understand and butt out when disciplining my child. I have been approached on an occasion or 2 privately by my mother. I made her understand and reminded her of circumstances surrounding my upbringing and that she may have softened being a grandparent. These conversations have reinforced her to back off. My grandmother (who was the strictest of all) is another story. She's always telling me to lay off in front of my child and she is always told to butt out,simple as that. My daughter is so well disciplined that she knows always to look to me when being directed by conflicting people. She always knows to never run away from me and hold my hand. I am always approached with compliments on her behavior. It's all about consistency and your child knowing who's in charge. It's a lot of hard work,not easy. Like I said earlier,I do choose my battles but I do it with guidelines. I will only allow a certain amount of leeway and certain things are non-negotiable. It's a constant uphill battle and interfering family doesn't help. It seems like its family members that need disciplining!

Answer 4

You're doing the right thing. I had the same problem with my son and his grandparents and in the end I banned them from seeing him, after telling them (in the nicest way) what my aims and expectations were. It only took them a fortnight to come cap in hand and admit that maybe they were wrong and would abide by my views and even enforce them when he visited. Now I am a grandmother and I respect the way my grandchildren are brought up and treat them the way they are at home.

Answer 5

No you are not being too hard on him. I have a 5 year old son myself. He was taught from the time he started talking to say please and thank you. He is not allowed to get up and run around when it is time to eat, unless he has to get up for a refill, run to the bathroom or get something else he needs. Being to hard on him would be like an uncle of mine used to do to his kids, they were not allowed to even speak at the dinner table even as teenagers. Manners are something that is not taught much anymore. Nothing more rude than having a child who is not taught these things now at their age.

Answer 6

He is your son, and your doing what is right for you, no one is has the right to itervere.

I have always made my kids sit at the table until everyone has finished, iv been doing this since they where 2, and they do it without fuss. Its just manners at the end of the day, whats so wrong with that?

I agree with you totally, dont let it get you down

Answer 7

It sounds okay to me my 2 boys 4 and 5 sit at the table they don't know any different

Answer 8

You can't force a child to eat. they will eat when they are ready, just because you are hungary it doesn't mean your child is. My daughter is one and she eats the same food as me. If i give her a few mouthfuls and she refuses the rest, i leave her and try again later.Usually when she sees me continuing to eat she starts to eat again, or she goes to play with her toys and comes back for a mouthful when she's ready. It's not the perfect way but she's getting what she needs and not developing a fear of food, and whens shes ready she will sit and eat with me like she is supposed to. YOU CAN TEACH YOUR CHILD MANNERS WITHOUT GOING TO EXTREMES My daughter is so funny and playful yet if i say to her come here she comes to me straight away and listens when i tell her no.

Answer 9

Oh yes. What my mom does when she keeps my son is let him be the boss and do everything he's not allowed to do at home. He eats what he wants when he wants it, just does whatever. She tried at first for her rules to be what he went by but finally I just had to tell her, my house and my rules. Be strong and don't let anybody change what you are doing. I'm thinking when my son gets older he'll not respect my mom so much and walk all over her because she's always gave him his way but he'll respect me and his dad because we demand the respect and he shows it.

Answer 10

i don't have children, but if that was enforced on my little bother then his ADHD wouldn't be as bad, because he's been able to get away with things it turned him into a rude chavish, bad boy which isn't cool. Now he smokes drinks and does drugs at the age of 14 because my mother raised without no rules he got away with murder basically. My dad rose me with discipline but now im oldeer i have less rules and i am respectful person

Answer 11

I'm with you, parents want to be their kid's friend and not their parent these days. Spare the rod, spoil the child as they say. You're showing that you love him by bringing him up to be well mannered and respectful. Having said that, boys do crave excitement and danger and should be allowed to climb trees and fall off things and hurt themselves on their adventures. That shouldn't stifled.