i want your honest opinion on this. i know it seems kinda elementary but what do u think. honestly...............................
I WISH,
i wish my life would just pass by
i wish that i could sovle the worlds problems
and that u wouldnt look at me that way
i wish i could destroy all peer pressure
just like. i wish it was cool to want to be yourself
i wish that i will never ever dissapoint my family,
in any way shape or form
i wish that these wishes would come true,
so that i could wish to help you
i wish that you would just understand
i wish you would just listen
i wish that i could dream again.
i wish that it wasnt so damn hard, to say what i feel
i wish that this wasnt good bye
2007-04-20 19:52:00 · 11 answers · asked by deep 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
if wishes were horses,. . . . i wish you could simply write u as 'you' and I as that without small letters. as it is, one thinks you are just playing with words, not serious. the idea of 'u' deflates you core wishes. after closing the page, i could barely tell what exactly your point was! unless there is a good effect for it, consider the appropriateness of deploying such slang expressions as 'damn'. what exactly is so damn hard to say?
otherwise the poem sounds fine to me.
2007-04-21 03:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Honest opinion: terrible. Poems don't normally just say everything straight out, but are put together in layers through which people can analyze and feel what the writer is feeling.
Also, it's nice to WISH something, why not promise it instead? It'll make your poem sound stronger and impress the person you want reading this.
2007-04-20 19:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by BM0027 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mornin, I gotta believe Silent, yet i admire her besides, yet i'm going to point a pair issues devoid of offense meant. It loves you too is an assumption, in specific situations in a feeling doubtful, yet I have no situation with it particularly. no longer specific in case you % this to rhyme in couplets of in any respect as in unfastened verse, i could try this in couplets or quatrains in case you % it to rhyme, IE: L a million I mighta further fact to end the line, then bumped "got here upon" to an L 3, or perhaps 4. uncertain how flea relates, or that passage after? i think of in some reverence to God i would not have secure "Ha" i could too have not used foul, a minimum of no longer devoid of yet another comma. besides I see it havin extra impact, unquestionably rather well worth the attempt if ya edit it some.
2016-10-03 08:14:17 · answer #3 · answered by fogleman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the poem is something like all people do..all people wish these kind of things...for me the meaning of this poem is that man trying to be perfect in what they do.Of course there were many mistakes that a person could done..still she/he is wishing the perfect opportunity that he /she will or will not do anything ufortunate..simply luck can give us all our wish come true....=)
2007-04-20 19:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Good thoughts put in to poem shape .
This is a very good start but it looks that you are a poet by heart. Pl. keep writing and send these poems to me also.
Enjoy Life
Dr.Mojo
2007-04-20 19:58:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry dear,you still have to work...the rhyme is missing and the feelings,too.
2007-04-20 22:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
its pretty good, but dont try so hard. just let things flow out of your heart.
2007-04-20 19:56:21 · answer #7 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it needs a little work but you'll get it down
2007-04-20 19:55:51 · answer #8 · answered by pierced1977 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion your poem is very good. you can wright more.good luck.
2007-04-20 19:59:36 · answer #9 · answered by geet 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't give up on this one... re work it some
NEST
2007-04-20 19:58:18 · answer #10 · answered by Nest Freemark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋